Various Issues?

[ShowingPromise]

Hi Ladies

This might get a bit long but id appreciate some input - I think we are having problems but also it could be that this is totally normal but we are just inexperienced?!

Jackson is 6 weeks old, formula fed and we are experiencing:

Erratic feeding - sometimes every 2,3 or 4 hours and the amounts vary from 2-5oz at a time.

Crying after feeding - not just a whimper, a full on scream fest, red face, legs kicking etc. Sometimes this is after burping, sometimes its before. We have tried infacol and gripe water, anti colic bottles and he has had one session of cranial osteopathy. Next up will be gaviscon but ive been told it can cause constipation? We have tried the odd sachet but I think we need to use it every feed and see how it goes.

He isn't able to settle easily or just be left alone much, such as being left in his bouncer while me or hubby etc are still in the room or nearby, he will tolerate it for a few mins then just scream. We don't want it to become a habit but we also don't like leaving him to cry and only really manage to leave him a minute or so. Just talking to him doesn't work/stroking his head, putting a musical toy nearby, he likes to be picked up and walked around until he nods off. He wont go to sleep by himself.

Our routine is as follows - pretty much led by Jackson - so any feedback/tips to improve it would be good.

6pm (ish) Bath, bottle and put down asleep in carry cot in living room with blinds closed, not too much noise.

Hubby stays up until between 11.30pm-1am to do final feed depending on when Jackson wants it. Hubby brings him up to our room where he sleeps in carry cot next to our bed.

Jackson then usually wakes at 3 am and 6am where I will get up and take him downstairs, feed, settle and take back up (at 3am, 6 am I will pop into bouncer or spare carry cot downstairs and try to get an hour or so's sleep). Sometimes i am lucky and he feeds and settles quickly, other times I can be up for an hour before I can get him off to sleep.

During the day he is fed pretty much on demand, we try to keep to every 3 hours by entertaining him as much as possible when he gets cranky, but theres a part of me that thinks, if he is hungry why not feed him? This works sometimes, but others he cries and gets himself worked up so we feed him and he settles.
He has his nappy changed before every feed, incl through the night.

We are thinking about moving him into his own room, but I keep chickening out due to the 6months in parents room advice relating to SIDS. Others that I know have done it, but its purely for selfish (sleep) reasons so I feel guilty. Hubby gets woken at the 3/6am intervals and I am woken when he comes up at 12ish as Jackson makes an awful lot of noise, even in his sleep. So we end up getting the same amount of sleep, i.e. we are both tired! Moving him to his own room would help so much with this, once we could get him settled of course.

Does all this sound pretty normal? If it is and its just 'him' then fine, he is putting on weight, weeing and pooing well and is alert, im just not sure if we are doing things right for him?

Thank you if you have made it this far!! All/any advice/experiences welcome!

 

[Cakey]

I can't really help with the feeding as I'm breastfeeding, but with regards to not being able to put him down, he is still quite young and not used to being apart from someone. It takes them a while to understand that they are their own person. Also if he's 6 weeks it could be a growth spurt making him more clingy. I would really invest in a sling so he can be close to you but you can still get drinks/something to eat. You can visit a sling library or join a Facebook sling group for advice. Hope things get easier soon, it is a really rough time on both you and baby when they're so tiny still, you're both still learning and it's a big change for you both to handle. Xxx

 

[Toni.C]

Your routine sounds very similar to what I had with my little boy.

With regards to baby crying after feeding, it sounds similar to silent reflux. Also the fact you say he can be hard to settle and likes to be held. He may find that being held by you or daddy is more comfortable as he's a bit more upright. My little boy liked to be rocked to sleep until he started going in his own cot at 9 weeks, then he slept through the night. Have you tried raising the top of the Moses basket very slightly, so if it is mild reflux he's suffering from it'll be more comfortable for him after a feed. Also baby massage, either watching YouTube videos or going to a class, they can give you techniques to help make him comfortable if he is struggling to pass wind.

During the day, if he wants to bed fed regularly I'd just feed him when he wants it. We did with ours and he let us know when he didn't want any more. By 8ish weeks he was in a feeding routine of every 3-4 hours.

I was so worried about my little boy going into his own room, but at 9 weeks he was too long for his Moses basket and wasn't comfortable so I had no choice. We put his Moses basket in the cot when he went to bed for a few nights so he got used to sleeping in his bedroom, then by night 4 we out him into his cot and he was sleeping 8-9 hours a night and now at 7 months does 12-13 hours. He used to fidget so much that his blankets never stayed on which would also worry me. So we brought a sleeping bag for him and now have piece of mind, so it might be worth looking into those. We always carry the monitor with us when he's in bed, it's next to my OH when we go to bed.

Italy sounds very normal to me. Does he have a dummy for comfort? The other option for during the day and you can't put him down, you could look at getting a sling so at least you could be hands free.

I hope this is of some help. Sounds like you are doing a fab job x

 

[ShowingPromise]

Thank you both!
We have a carrier that I could use in the day, but haven't quite fathomed out how to use it, esp when on my own so I will get hubby to help me with it, I agree it should help him feel more content and also with me being able to do a bit more.

His carry cot is tilted up and we have done the same with the cot in his room for when he is ready for it.

We have some sleep bags already as he is also very active and kicks a blanket off. We basically are doing everything that is recommended to help avoid SIDS but the 6 month thing always creeps into my mind! Lots of people we know have put baby in their own room earlier or from birth, I get that its totally personal choice. What I might do is get hubby to set up the monitor etc in there and i'll sleep in the room with him until I feel comfortable leaving him.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your view!) he wont take a dummy - couple of sucks and spits it out. We have gently held it In place and he sucks it but as soon as we move away he spits it out. Its ok with us though, we wont force the issue.

 

[Jessiecat]

I mean this to sound as kind as possible so please don't think I'm being harsh but I think your expectations are wrong.

You want him to settle to sleep alone and spend time in his bouncer on his own but all he knows and wants is you.
You say your routine is pretty much baby led and would like to "improve this" but that's exactly how it should be. Stop listening to the whole make a rod off your own back" crap, he doesn't need training to sleep on his own at this ony age, he needs reassurance that he is safe and loved. He will want to be held all the one it is 100% normal! Plus if he is a little refluxy he may need you even more. Try the gaviscon in more of his feeds it will probably work better when it's completely in his system, there's also no point trying to stretch out his feeds at this age, his tummy is too tiny. If he's hungry let him eat, he will work out his own feeding routine in the coming weeks but if you go 3 or 4 hours without any food or drink you'll realise it's a long time and baby doesn't understand why he can't have some food if he's hungry.

Trust in yoursel and your mothers instinct more, close the books and stop listening to competitive and unhelpful advice and just look after your baby as he needs. He's far too tiny to do anything else right now. The newborn days are hard but you'll miss them in a few weeks when they're gone xx

 

[kumber]

Apart from being unsettled after feeds, it all sounds completely normal I'm afraid!

In terms of feeding - all this "feed every x hours, don't pet them go longer" that mws and hvs say is pointless imo. Unless baby was prem or poorly, they will feed when they're hungry. Both boys are fed on demand, even though Riley is 15 months Children are brilliant at letting us know when they're hungry, it's their overriding survival instinct so follow it and I don't think you'll go too wrong. After all, we wouldn’t eat every 3 hours exactly so ehy would they! Both of my boys have fed hourly at one point in the day and four hourly at another point, all in 24 hours!

Not being left alone is, again, totally normal. After being tucked up in a very tight, warm place where all he's known is your heartbeat every second of the day it's suddenly gone and the world is a very big, cold, empty and silent place. They do eventually grow out of wanting to be glued to you but I echo what the others have said about a sling. It really will become your new best friend!

I have the same problems with night time settling (and day time!). I recommend Netflix or getting lots of series links and films recorded. Mine is currently Friends on Comedy Central! Again, this will get better but he's still only new to all this and rocking/swaying mimics the motion he felt in your tummy so it settles him. By doing this, you won't create a rod for your own back - he will grow out of it eventually. It is exhausting and a bit of a pain but you do miss it when they stop. Nap with him as much as you can, even if it's only once a day.

I personally massively disagree with moving a baby into their own room before 6 months for the simple reason that up until then, a baby's breathing reflex is significantly triggered by hearing their mother breathe - i.e. baby breathes when they hear mummy breathe, they don't hear mummy so they can judt stop breathing. I personally don't believe you will sleep any better. If I were you I wouldn't but as you say, it's personal choice and what works for you.

I think the screaming is worth getting checked and definitely try gaviscon in case it is silent reflux. It may help with the settling too. It sounds like you're doing a great job! My only advice would be to relax a little, go with the flow. Babies will do what they want at this age and we just have to go with it until they start getting a bit bigger and more able to control their bodies and themselves. Keep following his lead with pretty much everything and you can't go wrong

 

[JJ Mum]

All totally normal hun and exactly what Griffin is like. He wont be put down, i do everything with one arm unless he's gone to sleep. I cosleep or id get no sleep. When I bottle fed my first three Id try and stick to set hours for feeds as a guide as formula should last longer than the more quickly dijested boob milk of my last three kids, we feed hourly to 2 hrly and its too often but what he needs.

I agree with above , you cant spoil a baby, use that carrier , my baby is just over 8 lbs now so have used mine once now, i will be living in it soon so i can get on x

Screaming in pain after feeding, is it more 6 pm till 12 midnight more? That's colic which will suddenly go at about 10 weeks overnight!! If all feeds, maybee constipation, offer cooled boiled bottle water in between feeds, griffin will fight sleep again after a feed and cry too, or cry everytime I hand him to hubby!

 

[ShowingPromise]

Thank you all for the advice, I think you are right that I've been influenced by the friends and family telling me to get him sleeping through the night and 'you need your life back' etc... I'm going to stop overthinking the fact he has no set routine and just give him what he needs. Hubby is going to sleep in the spare room so I'm not worrying about disturbing him and I'm going to get the carrier cracked today.
Thank you again, didn't think anything was too harsh, in fact a bit of straight falling was prob what I needed!

 

[ShowingPromise]

Straight talking even!

JJmum, I think he has a bit of both colic and reflux, he seems to pop ok but a little water won't hurt to see if I'm wrong and he is needing to go more often but can't. He's very windy this morning, been trumping non stop!

 

[flisstebbs]

Thank you all for the advice, I think you are right that I've been influenced by the friends and family telling me to get him sleeping through the night and 'you need your life back' etc... I'm going to stop overthinking the fact he has no set routine and just give him what he needs. Hubby is going to sleep in the spare room so I'm not worrying about disturbing him and I'm going to get the carrier cracked today.
Thank you again, didn't think anything was too harsh, in fact a bit of straight falling was prob what I needed!

My first baby had reflux and was a terrible sleeper generally up until a few months ago. We went a very gentle route and just went with her needs. It has been exhausting but at nearly 2 she sleeps 11 hrs in her own bed and own room. Like you I had loads of people giving me "advice" based on their own babies. You have to close your ears a bit or shut those conversations down early. As someone who spent a long time looking for answers I came to the conclusion my baby was just the way she is and as a family we've been happier! And none of the dire predictions I had came true! In fact now some of the same people are struggling to get their good sleepers into beds from cots!!

And my new baby is totally different already, happy to be put down and sleeps 5 hrs at night already. I'm not doing anything differently!

Good luck. X

 

[Mummybexee]

Your eradict feeds could be linked to reflux - babies will feed to sooth the soreness and uncomfort they experience in their osophegus. It certainly sounds like there is something under lying there. Try the gaviscon. My daughter is on it and she's poohing ok along with anti reflux milk. My son is still on omeprazole for reflux af 18 months - he had it bad and has a dairy intolerance so I know all about reflux and the pain afterwards/unsettled-ness. It's not nice and sometimes people say oh it's normal - but actually a mum with a reflux baby has the 'normal' baby behavious heightened by 100% ! A reflux baby is exhausting! My son though was 10 times harder than my daughter due to the severity of her reflux but gets is silent where as my son would plaster me in sick! She's abit more comfortable on gaviscon but we are in early stages of trials so it wouldn't supirse me if she ends up on meds like her brother.

As for routine - 6 weeks is pretty early I think. Roll with it abit if I were you