Upset - friendships and pregnancy

[SunnyGirl]

My friend of 22 years just snubbed me again for the second time since I've been pregnant. She's acted strange since I told her back in Feb. She very rarely asks how it's all going, etc. Months ago, she came to
London to stay (lives abroad now) and she ignored my texts, emails and FB messages asking where she'd be so I could come and meet her, but ignored them all and met up with lots of people she knows through me and had no problem getting their messages! She said she'd received none of mine, which is a total lie! We sort of got over that one, then last week she said she's coming over again and wanted to meet. This time, she stays with one of my friends and didn't bother with me at all! I have got the message loud and clear now, but it's hurt me so much. Don't ask to meet and then ignore me and snub me. I've made sooo many new NCT friends, as well as really appreciated the gorgeous existing friends I've had for years, so I'm lucky. It just hurts when you open yourself up to giving someone a second chance and they kick you in the teeth. Hormones and heat added in, well I was a sad girl yesterday. Sorry for long pointless post. Just wondering if any of you had had problems with friends going strange when you start your family. I googled it, and it seems very common!!

 

[tinks77]

Absolutely! I tried to explain to my OH but he says it's their problem & while I agree and do think sod them, I do feel very lovey when I hear 3rd or 4th hand all the gossip (
I've decided that I should hopefully have my hands mire than full soon anyway and it's their loss

 

[ft90]

I definitely know how you feel. Two of my best friends have pretty much consistently ignored me since i told them about my bfp. Texts, facebook messages etc, so now I've stopped bothering! It's hard because I've just moved to a new area so i only have family nearby, no friends, so keeping in touch with old ones was really important to me!

I just think more fool them, they're missing out on all this that I'm going through and for what? To sit in a pub almost every night! They both told me that at 21 i was giving up so much of my life and I'd regret it, but OH and i wanted this baby so much, so how dare they say that to me!

I know whose life I'd rather have!

Stuff them, if they don't want to be a part of your joy then forget them!

Xx

 

[SunnyGirl]

You girls are so right - we've got so much joy coming our way, and sod bad behaviour from friends. I'm sorry you've been through it, too. It really hurts. It's such bad timing, too. I should be enjoying these magical last few days before my first child arrives, not spending them hurt and upset by some berk!!
Let's all keep each other focused on the important things and away from these silly mares xxx

 

[SunnyGirl]

PS ft90 - you're not giving anything up! You're enriching your life! How small-minded of them!!!

 

[positivity :)]

sorry to hear this sunny, i'd be really hurt by that as well part of me would want to confront her about it, sounds like her behaviour has been pretty appalling.

i'm not making any excuses but has she had problems conceiving or relationship problems? I find friends can often find it hard to be happy for each other if things aren't going well for them, not that its an excuse but just looking for a reason really. xx

 

[Princess81]

so sorry hun
I'm the last of my friends to have kids so haven't had this. I only had one friend who was childless and she's 3 weeks behind me in her pregnancy.
Sorry your friend is being so awful xxx

 

[ft90]

PS ft90 - you're not giving anything up! You're enriching your life! How small-minded of them!!!

I know! Exactly my attitude! Funny thing is, they're both in their mid 20s, one is even engaged and has been for a year, but she can't see why me and oh would want a child! My oh is 28 and has wanted kids for a long time, so I don't really see what's wrong?! This baby is going to be so loved and have everything he wants (not that he could want anything, he has it all already and hasn't even been born!) So they're just being stupid, its sad really, but just life I guess!

Xx

 

[ss79]

I've had this too. Told friends back in April, 1 in particular (I was her bridesmaid last year) has been so uninterested. She hasn't texted or called once since April to ask how I am. I met her for lunch in June once and she brought along a workpal and they just talked work all lunch, the only point baby was mentioned was when they said they hoped I wouldn't be getting a 3d scan cause they are "freaky".

Other pals have gotten very distant too, have ignored facebook messages, texts, posts etc. I have noticed mainly its the ones that don't have children who are being so immature. My friends with children have mostly been in touch and asking questions lots. I think the ones without children mayhbe are just awkward and don't know what to ask. It hurts more to say nothing at all then ask something silly. Pisses me off too as I know I have been excited about friends pregnancies before I was pregnant, don't see why others can't do the same. As you girlies said though, their loss. I don't think I'll be welcoming any of them back with open arms even if they do decide to show an interest once baby has arrived. xx

 

[pinkyprincess]

I know the feeling, a certain group of my friend's havn't even been in touch to say congratulations! The way I see this is an opportunity to make new friends! Bring on the baby groups!

 

[SunnyGirl]

Pos - I think you're right in what's behind it. She's always had trouble finding a man because she has such unrealistic expectations and literally expects romance to follow the pattern of a black and white movie when life so isn't like that. She writes men off when they've done nothing wrong and hence never gets past the interest stage. She is physically stunning, and would always get jealous if any boy or man showed an interest in me over her (to the point of sabotaging it) - this happened only twice lol! She really is gorgeous to look at whereas I'm not conventional iykwim. So now I'm the happily married one with a baby on the way and I think she's jealous or upset. I feel sorry for her feeling like that. I want her to have all this, but she really needs to understand men aren't 1940s Hollywood creations. She's got so much going for her. I just wish she'd let me enjoy my happiness, too

 

[SunnyGirl]

so sorry hun
I'm the last of my friends to have kids so haven't had this. I only had one friend who was childless and she's 3 weeks behind me in her pregnancy.
Sorry your friend is being so awful xxx

Aw thanks
It does help when you're all in the same boat. If you're not, there's a natural rift. Some friends decide to step over it towards you, where others just widen it. So sad. I'm so glad you're not having this cos it truly sucks!!! Xxx

 

[SunnyGirl]

ss79 - that's appalling!! I think some are threatened because it's one of the most empowering and important things a woman will ever do. If someone isn't at that stage yet, I think they fear you think you're better than them, or it undermines their career or something. Which it doesn't at all!! But maybe they think we think it does. Does that make sense? It's all this subtextual angst and fear that women do that causes problems. We need to take a tip from men and blurt out when peeps are being rubbish. I did that last time she did this and got a pack of lies and denials!
Xxx

 

[SunnyGirl]

I know the feeling, a certain group of my friend's havn't even been in touch to say congratulations! The way I see this is an opportunity to make new friends! Bring on the baby groups!

Bring 'em on, indeed!! I had such a laugh with my NCT group over coffee last week! So sorry to hear you've had the rubbish pal treatment, too
It sucks. Big
Some of mine have been amazing - asking loads of Qs and really taking a care and interest. Others have been sh1t - excuse my French. Weirdly, some friends with babies have been a bit strange, too! One was really negative with me when I said I was trying hypno. She was all oh wheres the point, it'll hurt and you're wasting your time. She's really competitive and insecure and I think her birth experience was painful so she's terrified I'll have a happier one. Sad really.

 

[Susanne]

So sorry to hear this. I'd be really hurt, too. At least it sounds like you've got a lot of really good friends, old and new. If this one can't stick with you when your circumstances change, then it's her loss really at the end of the day... Hope she lives to regret it! (Sorry if this is mean, but I am not in a very charitable mood at the moment...)

 

[SunnyGirl]

Thanks, Susanne - I'm so glad that I'm not overreacting. You girls have really cheered me up today with your support. Xxxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I lost all my 'friends' when I got pregnant.. I'm better off without them.. I'd rather a couple of very close friends than a handful of pointless ones!!

 

[Hunnie]

Ive been through all this as well but I have to admit one friend who I felt really wasn't there for me at all, has upped her game in the past few weeks and has come across as really supportive.

I really do think that the only reason why I am bothered about the people who no longer bother with me anymore is because I have too much time to think lol. I know for sure that once the baby is here I wont even have time to think about those people, as well as the fact that I dont think I will even actually care?

 

[Hunnie]

It is an absolutely horrible feeling though!

 

[katiee24]

i know the feeling! Atleast 4-5 of my "friends" have recently had babies or due to have 1 theyve all shown interest in each others pregnancy except mine.. A few of them didnt even congratulate me :/ last time i seen them all was when my friend gave birth and all i got was "how long u got left" and thats it. I deleted them of facebook and then they were asking why i did it?! Pretty obvious why they only wanted me on fb! To be nosey! So i deleted them and blocked them! Dont even have half of there numbers! only 1 of them texts me and thats only a 5 minute convo of "how are u? What u been doing". Got to the point of were ive had enough! They can find owt ive had my baby through word of mouth and wil be the last to even see her! Theyd only be around 5 mins and once the newborn stage has worn of theyd piss off! Anyway rant over! id leave your friend 2 it. Its her loss at the end of the day. Youl be one with a happy, beautiful family chin up hun! Xxx