Unsupportive family

[calphurnia7]

Hi all,

I just wondering how people cope with unsupportive family. I seem to be critised left and right by my sister about how I want to start my family life and how my husband and I are going to work with the baby. I will be on maternity and he is looking for a job. How would other people deal with these dillemas?

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Hey,

I posted about a similar kind of thing a few weeks ago. I think people, whether it be family, friends, work colleagues etc, will always have their own opinions on pregnancy & raising a baby. Some people are just downright rude about it though.
I think all you can do is ignore other people's opinions/criticism (unless they are genuinely helpful and constructive). You & your husband know what you are doing, and I am sure you will both sort something out regards work etc. It really isn't anyone else's business.
My sister is a wee bit annoying at times regards her opinions about pregnancy etc. She has three kids already, and has turned pregnancy into some kind of competition lol
I just bite my tongue and try to ignore.

xx

 

[PeaPod]

To be honest, I think a lot of people think they are being supportive even when they are not. I have a few family members who have mad it quite clear that they worry about how I will cope with a baby as they think that I am too selfish to put a baby's needs before my own. I think they have missed the point that although I do what I want to do when I want to do it now (why shouldn't I when I work hard for what I have), I am fully aware and prepared for my world to be tipped upside down and this baby will be will be the centre of that world.
The thing that hurts me the most though is that there have been a few close family members who, when we have told about being pregnant, have just said 'Tim is going to make a wonderful dad' ......... they don't seem to want to say how they feel about me being a mum! They'll all be waiting to give me the 'I told you so's'. But hey ho, stuff em!
I will be the best mummy I know how to be, I will ask for help when I need it and I'm lucky to have two wonderful friends who are parents who have been really supportive so far and then I also have all you lovely ladies on here

As KarolineMoon said - best thing to do is just ignore them........ we will all 'cope' in different ways and there will always be someone with an opinion!

 

[calphurnia7]

I'll try she basically said I am not normal and lucky to have a family like them and that's why she doesn't come on skype anymore. That was pretty painful, but yeah i've got a few friends that are super. I think it's better if I just don't speak to her anymore as she's not in the same country as me and just causes me more grief. I appreciate all the help and support from you lovely ladies.

 

[Karate Kid]

It's really difficult to deal with when you don't feel like you are getting the support you need from your family. My in-laws are nice enough but my MIL keeps comparing me to my SIL, which gets to me because me and my SIL are completely different, she has two children and our LO isn't even born yet!!

As for my parent's they seem to be pretty oblivious at times, my mum cares about LO but has never been good at showing any emotion.

If it wasn't for the support of my husband and the ladies on here at times I would feel so alone in this process. People always have opinions but you and your husband have to find what is right for you and your baby.

I always go by the saying 'you cannot change people, places or things'. So as irritating and sometimes unfair as it seems (family, friends and collegues should be supportive), keep strong sweetie and revel in the fact that you will have a little bundle of magic soon enough.

xx

 

[Loula]

i think people like to make you think about reality, as if you havent already. People manage in all situations which is what my comeback was when i told people and they started telling me those things xx

 

[stefy]

@ calphurnia7 I have the same problem!!! my husband moved here to the UK from the US last year and we are dealing with his permanent visa at the moment. So obviously he has not a job yet. He was granted the right of employment by the home office just this week while his residency is still in process. He is looking for a job and I will be on maternity leave. My mum is stressing me like crazy!!!...She is questioning how we are going to manage and so on....grrr!!! The other day I wanted to tell her to mind her own business but decided to be polite and end the conversation...

 

[Jayjay027]

Ugh!! Some people drive me bonkers!!

My brothers wife (don't even want to call her my SIL) is so incredibly tactless and when she found out about my pregnancy, instead of saying 'oh that's great good for them' she said 'why are they bringing a child into that apartment?? Its too small, they'll be too cramped'

While I do live in an apartment, its a great size with 2 double bedrooms and 1 ensuite!!
She forgets that when she got pregnant with my eldest nephew, she and my brother were living in a bad part of town in a 1 bedroom apartment that's much smaller than mine!!!

I'm a bit cheeky though, so I pointed this out to her, she wasn't pleased but if people can dish it out they should be happy to take it back! X

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

 

[Island girl]

Ugh!! Some people drive me bonkers!!

My brothers wife (don't even want to call her my SIL) is so incredibly tactless and when she found out about my pregnancy, instead of saying 'oh that's great good for them' she said 'why are they bringing a child into that apartment?? Its too small, they'll be too cramped'

While I do live in an apartment, its a great size with 2 double bedrooms and 1 ensuite!!
She forgets that when she got pregnant with my eldest nephew, she and my brother were living in a bad part of town in a 1 bedroom apartment that's much smaller than mine!!!

I'm a bit cheeky though, so I pointed this out to her, she wasn't pleased but if people can dish it out they should be happy to take it back! X

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

Wow that's really rude!! Does she think living in a 6 bed mansion makes people better parents!!!

@calphurnia.....Im sure you guys will figure everything out, just take a deep breath and try not to take it to heart (easier said than done)
Hope you have some lovely friends to give you support...you can pick your friends right.....!!!

 

[Karate Kid]

Ugh!! Some people drive me bonkers!!

My brothers wife (don't even want to call her my SIL) is so incredibly tactless and when she found out about my pregnancy, instead of saying 'oh that's great good for them' she said 'why are they bringing a child into that apartment?? Its too small, they'll be too cramped'

While I do live in an apartment, its a great size with 2 double bedrooms and 1 ensuite!!
She forgets that when she got pregnant with my eldest nephew, she and my brother were living in a bad part of town in a 1 bedroom apartment that's much smaller than mine!!!

I'm a bit cheeky though, so I pointed this out to her, she wasn't pleased but if people can dish it out they should be happy to take it back! X

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

Your joking right.... So little Sophia is going to turn around and say that your home is not big enough? Eh no... I don't think so! She will be more worried about getting her hugs!

Happy 25 weeks hun (not that I am counting or anything!!) xx

 

[Jayjay027]

Ugh!! Some people drive me bonkers!!

My brothers wife (don't even want to call her my SIL) is so incredibly tactless and when she found out about my pregnancy, instead of saying 'oh that's great good for them' she said 'why are they bringing a child into that apartment?? Its too small, they'll be too cramped'

While I do live in an apartment, its a great size with 2 double bedrooms and 1 ensuite!!
She forgets that when she got pregnant with my eldest nephew, she and my brother were living in a bad part of town in a 1 bedroom apartment that's much smaller than mine!!!

I'm a bit cheeky though, so I pointed this out to her, she wasn't pleased but if people can dish it out they should be happy to take it back! X

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

Your joking right.... So little Sophia is going to turn around and say that your home is not big enough? Eh no... I don't think so! She will be more worried about getting her hugs!

Happy 25 weeks hun (not that I am counting or anything!!) xx

YAY happy 25wks to u too!! The next 15wks will zoom in lol.

But yeah my brother married a strange woman. Sophia has her own bedroom, which is a great size, with plenty of room for her. And our apartment is a great size, we have plenty of space for her.
She just likes to put a damper on absolutely everything! As if she's mother of the year!

She also made a really nasty comment to my parents a few weeks ago about my baby not being born healthy. I haven't spoken to her since this. She's such a trog!! X

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

 

[Karate Kid]

YAY happy 25wks to u too!! The next 15wks will zoom in lol.

But yeah my brother married a strange woman. Sophia has her own bedroom, which is a great size, with plenty of room for her. And our apartment is a great size, we have plenty of space for her.
She just likes to put a damper on absolutely everything! As if she's mother of the year!

She also made a really nasty comment to my parents a few weeks ago about my baby not being born healthy. I haven't spoken to her since this. She's such a trog!! X

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

Crazy woman.... even if our LO didn't have there own room I wouldn't worry too much right now.... as for Sophia not being healthy that's just cruel and heartless!

 

[Amylize]

As parents to be you just deal with them, at end of the day we as parents to be know exactly what we need to do. As for critism, just politely tell her that you know what you need to do and you will both be fine.

Everyone will critise someone at some point whethe that be when we are pregnant or when our LO's arrive. TBH it has nothing to do with anyone else i think they just like to make it their business.

I have had my sister say this and that and i have learnt to ignore her, at end of the day ill be a mother and the baby is my child so when she arrives i will bring her up the way me and my OH want to bring her up not how someone else wants us to do it.

Believe it or not i am sure we will manage no matter what situation we are in, because we have to!

Our parents had to manage, so why cant we?

x

 

[calphurnia7]

@ calphurnia7 I have the same problem!!! my husband moved here to the UK from the US last year and we are dealing with his permanent visa at the moment. So obviously he has not a job yet. He was granted the right of employment by the home office just this week while his residency is still in process. He is looking for a job and I will be on maternity leave. My mum is stressing me like crazy!!!...She is questioning how we are going to manage and so on....grrr!!! The other day I wanted to tell her to mind her own business but decided to be polite and end the conversation...

SO you're saying that not just the Americans are interfering such as my family, that's good to know. The way I look at it is my immediate family is my husband and my bump, I know what's right for them and I am not going to have other people critcizing and judging me on it because I wouldn't judge their families I respect that.

 

[babyem]

Oh don't get me started!!
As some of the other ladies here may know, I have had nothing but shit off mine and OH family, which thank god seems to have settled now! I just left them for a few weeks, me and OH left my dads where we were staying and went to stay with various other family members for as long as we could stand while waiting for our own place! I honestly couldn't care less if they're going to be arseholes, its their loss at the end of the day, not mine. x

 

[calphurnia7]

That's the good attitude to have, if they cared so much they would learn not to judge. There's that old expression Don't judge me unless you're perfect.

 

[babyem]

^^ exactly, which none of them are!