Unmarried parents & parental responsibility?

[Frog99]

I was just reading an article about unmarried parents and now I'm a bit confused (although that happens quite a lot at the moment!).

My OH and I have been together for over 2 years and don't plan to marry (he's still legally married to his Ex as he can't afford a divorce yet)

Apparently as the baby's mother I automatically have legal parental responsibility for the baby from birth. My partner has no such automatic right. Although the article does say "since 2003, an unmarried father may acquire this right by jointly registering the births of his children'

Does that mean as long as he's with me when we get the birth certificate, then he has parental rights?

Otherwise the article mentions that we can jointly sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement and register it with the court.

All seems quite confusing...anyone else in the same boat and read anything about this?

 

[allycat]

I didn't even realise any of this at all! I'm engaged to my OH but we won't be married by the time little one is born. Hope someone here knows the answers xxx

 

[sueken]

If your not married both of you have to regitar the birth for him to be on the birth certificate.
I think legally he doesn't have automatic parental rights unless you are married.
This baby is our first as a married couple all the others we just lived together.We lived in "sin" for 21 years before tying the knot and when we regitered the last one the registra said we sould go in and get new birth certificates for all the kids if we every married(which i haven't done yet).

Maybe contact the citizanes advice for some help.

 

[Frog99]

some more official info here:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Par ... DG_4002954

According to that, as long as he's with me when I register the baby, he has parental responsibility.

 

[shesmurf]

That's not exactly fair! We'e engaged and won't be getting married for a while. The irony for us is my OH has far more knowledge and experince with kids than me and has been broody from day one where as I was just scared initially yet I'd be considered above him!

 

[Anna23]

According to that, as long as he's with me when I register the baby, he has parental responsibility.

That's right my childrens father only had rights legaly over my daughter cas she was born in 2004 and he came with me to regester her birth however my son he has no rights over even tho he is on their birth certificate as he was born in 2001 hope this helps

 

[Zoe~Louise]

my partner is also married to another woman legally,

but it states that if we both register the birth then he will have parental responsibility

so hopefully everything should be ok lol

 

[Frog99]

I should have done the research really before posting - but at least maybe its helped a few people!

So for those that aren't married - whose surname will the baby have?
I'm double barelling with my name first as it sounds weird the other way round. My OH goes quiet whenever I suggest a baby name and say it with the double barrelled surname on the end. I don't think he's very happy about it but hey seeing as we're not married I think it's fair that my name is included.

I think at some point we'll have a row about it, especially if the baby is a boy - supposed to carry on the family name and all that....

 

[Zoe~Louise]

lol well so it should have ur surname in it!

bubba is having my OH surname

we cant really double-barrell ours as mine is Hardy and his is Hallard lol

 

[allycat]

My OH will be coming with me when we register the birth then The baby will also be taking his suname as we are getting married next year!

 

[Zoe~Louise]

im not marrying mine! lol

what date u getting married next year?

mmm CAKE!!!

 

[Frog99]

If I was being my usual mean self, the baby wouldn't have his name at all as it's weird - one of those names you always have to spell to everyone - how annoying!

 

[Kittykins]

Just a word of caution here - there's a huge legal difference between 'responsibility' and 'right'.

Basically, as I understand it (and I haven't looked too closely into it), EVERY father has responsibility, regardless of whether he's married to, or even living with, the mother. This is the function of the CSA - to enforce responsibility. So even if you're not married, the father is still responsible for the maintenance of the child (in practice, this translates into financial responsibility, i.e. he has to pay up, no matter what the relationship).

However, only a) married fathers and b) fathers jointly present with the mother at the registration of the birth have automatic rights to the child. In practice, 'rights' usually means access, custody and the ability to prevent the child from being taken out of the country, even on holiday.

If you're married, either parent can register the birth; if you're unmarried, the father cannot register it unless the mother is with him.


So - if you're about to get married, or you feel very secure in the relationship, then by all means register jointly. If you don't feel so secure, or you think your OH may at some point leave you, you may prefer not to let him have automatic rights. This means he wouldn't automatically get joint custody if he left you, or be able to take the child with him. Whatever, if he left you, he'd still have financial responsibility, ie have to pay up.


HTH!

 

[HeartOfGlass]

Hi,

OK I've read all of this here and I'm a bit confused. Me and the baby's father aren't married and will not ever married. We aren't together and will not ever get back together. He is really keen to be involved, sometimes to the point it scares me. I'm more than happy to have him on the birth certificate, he is the baby's father after all but I'm bit unsure as to what the difference's will be if he is with me when I register the baby or if he isn't? We haven't discussed it and I just assumed I would do it on my own.

Thanks,

Berry x

 

[Frog99]

Hi,

OK I've read all of this here and I'm a bit confused. Me and the baby's father aren't married and will not ever married. We aren't together and will not ever get back together. He is really keen to be involved, sometimes to the point it scares me. I'm more than happy to have him on the birth certificate, he is the baby's father after all but I'm bit unsure as to what the difference's will be if he is with me when I register the baby or if he isn't? We haven't discussed it and I just assumed I would do it on my own.

Thanks,

Berry x

If you're not married, he has to be there with you to be put on the birth certificate. If he's not present, they won't put this name down. I think they do this to stop you just writing anyones name down...i.e. Brad Pitt, George Clooney...

 

[M&Ms]

If unmarried, he has to be there with you to register the birth, and then he gets automatic PR, hence the reason Marcus' dickhead of a father isn't on his

 

[SoonToBeMrs]

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[SoonToBeMrs]

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[HeartOfGlass]

Hi,

Thanks for all the advice. If I'm honest... I'd rather not have him on the birth certificate but I don't think he will let it happen. He is trying to be so involved (which I should appreciate) but he suffocates me!! He wants pregnancy updates daily and he is demanding to be at the birth although I've said I don't really want him there...

If I bring up the subject of the birth certificate I know he is going to demand to be there for it and he would actually go mad if I don't put his name on it. I think the best thing for me to do is leave until it comes to it and tell him once its done and suffer the consequence then and if he asks try to avoid the subject.

Thanks for all your help,

Berry x x

 

[meandthebump]

Hi,

Thanks for all the advice. If I'm honest... I'd rather not have him on the birth certificate but I don't think he will let it happen. He is trying to be so involved (which I should appreciate) but he suffocates me!! He wants pregnancy updates daily and he is demanding to be at the birth although I've said I don't really want him there...

If I bring up the subject of the birth certificate I know he is going to demand to be there for it and he would actually go mad if I don't put his name on it. I think the best thing for me to do is leave until it comes to it and tell him once its done and suffer the consequence then and if he asks try to avoid the subject.

Thanks for all your help,

Berry x x

Don't be bullied into putting him on the certificate or having him at the birth. Maybe it is worth getting some legal advice on this so you can be sure you are making the best decision. Citizens Advice might be able to offer some help. I don't have any experience of this but having read the post made by SoonToBeMrs it sounds like it is a really important decision and you should think carefully. Best of luck