Unexplained anyone?

[Blueflower]

A male colleague was talking about his children and we were chatting about age gaps, and he asked me how many children I have, so I had to say “none yet, but we’d like some” then he said “I don’t know why people put it off” so I said “oh we’re just waiting for it to happen” but afterwards I felt like bursting into tears. He wasn’t being deliberately insensitive but must just be one of those people who just had kids with no trouble so it wouldn’t occur to him.

Has anyone else been diagnosed with ‘Unexplained Infertility’? It’s almost worse than having an actual problem, because you are just left confused and with no sense of control. It’s ‘Subfertility’ really because there is a chance I could get pregnant, but no one knows if I will or when. And time just marches on.

And does anyone think there might be psychological reasons for it instead? E.g. fear of turning out like your mum, or being afraid of having kids with someone who doesn’t want them? Or feeling that you don’t really deserve them?

 

[Milly76]

Not a nice conversation, especially with a colleague,and u think a lot of people who had no issues can be a bit insensitive without realizing,especially blokes. They have no comprehension of what other people go thru to have a family.

I've not had my fertility looked at yet, but it must be so hard for it to be unexplained.Hope u get ur bfp soon lady.

Xxx

 

[LD1978]

Hey hun I was unexplained - my ok issue was unsure if ovulating and slightly low sperm but nothing major. Just think there's no reason why it can't happen for you and could be a time thing. My friend took 3 years with her first.

Hope your ok hun x

 

[hayes]

Its so hard hun isnt it the waiting and the unknown.

Fx we will all get there one day.

Michelle. x

 

[Clairabella]

It's tough when those conversation happen I hope you are ok. X

 

[greekgirl84]

Yeah! Unexplained! In 3 years I have had a late bfp that ended up as a mc the next day. Other than that not a sight of a pregnancy. Failed ivf too.
Been married Nearly 2 yrs and people ask if I'm pregnant Everytime they see me. Sick of people presuming I don't want kids.

 

[Daisy2011]

Un explained is very hard bcuase they havent found anything then just saying it seems to absolve them from further helping you which sucks.
Some people are massively insensitive about children especially blokes.
Of course you deserve a child, everyone does its just that some of us have to go trhough hell to get there and some just sail through without a care in the world and assume that that works for everyone.

You deserve your babies and dont for a second belive that its something psychologically wrong with you thats nonsence - otherwise no rape victim would ever bear a child from rape would they.
Put it out of your mind. and just concentrate on you.
Big hugs
xDaisy

 

[Ann30]

Ah Hun I totally know where you are coming from its so horrible when people say things like that but one thing iv learnt is that people who can get pregnant naturally often take it for granted without even realising it. It's so tough tryin for a baby I can honestly say its been one of the hardest things iv ever been through and the guilt you feel too like you are letting everyone down it's awful
At least u no that there are lots of us who know exactly what you are going through and how much we will truely appreciate havin a child when it happens. And it WILL happen xxxxxx

 

[Blueflower]

I’m just filling in our forms for the private clinic and reading their information. Apparently the main consultant specialises in ‘Recurrent implantation failure’ which can be due to something called ‘Killer cells’! Anyone heard of that? So my eggs could be getting fertilised, but then not implanting because they are being killed off! Weird! I’m probably just clutching at straws but it’s interesting.


I googled it and it’s to do with the immune system. It says that Killer cells may be crucial in the decision to switch from endometrial breakdown (menstruation) to decidualisation [transformation of the endometrial lining] in pregnancy.’ (Reference: Ashley Moffett, Lesley Regan, and Peter Braude. Natural killer cells, miscarriage, and infertility.)

It looks as if Killer cells can also be one of the causes of miscarriages too. Sounds horrible.​

 

[Tinkerbell3]

I'm unexplained too and we're finding it so, so hard to not have a reason why it's not working, we'd rather there be a reason so we could at least get our heads round the 'why'.

We've been trying for over 2 and a half years now, not a hint of a BFP in that time and we've done 2 failed IVF's, failed IUI and a cancelled IUI, we have 1 frozen embryo from our recent IVF which we'll be doing our FET in September but we actually saw our fertility Dr a couple of weeks ago to discuss further testing because we can't keep doing this with the same outcome and there possibly being a reason we haven't found yet so for our FET we're doing embryo glue, endo scratch and last week I had the blood test for NK cells, it wasn't cheap but we felt it was time to do something else before wasting more money on more cycles, the results take 2 weeks so we're just waiting now part of me wants them to come back really bad just so we have a possible answer.

There's a lot of stuff out there about NK cells but there are a lot of clinics that don't bother because they don't believe in it due to not enough research being done but after a lot of googling and finding plenty of stories about BFP after treatment we decided to go for it.

 

[Potternutter]

It's so strange - me and my mum were talking the other day about back in the 80's when she conceived her first - it took her 4 years and I said did you find it this hard?? She said it was different back then - there were no ovulation sticks, no internet to check your symptoms, no fertility treatments available so no point going to the doctors and she said she was quite happy to just "wait her turn!"

Can't imagine that now, but she went on to have us lot so there was nothing "wrong" with her or my dad it just didn't happen for four long years! If that was now she would have unexplained fertility - so I believe your turn is out there blueflower, greekgirl and tinkerbell I really do, it's just a horrible waiting game. I think it just takes longer for some for whatever reason (maybe genetic, what with me and my mum?)

Baby dust to all - never give up hope!

 

[Blueflower]

So sorry you are going through such a hard time Tinkerbell. I hope you have some answers soon and your long-awaited little baby.

Yes I think women in the past were more blasé about getting pregnant. I heard that they just 'threw away their birth control and got on with their lives'! I think they had less expectations then, whereas nowadays we are programmed to go for what we want in terms of education, career, relationships etc so its a shock when something doesn't happen that we have no control over. If you couldn't have children, the only option was adoption as well, so they didn't have all the stress of treatment. (Although I am glad for all the options we have now.)

I really feel that my time will come one day, I waited years for the right job, years for the right bloke, years for him to be ready to settle down, I'm good at waiting so I'll just do some more! And try not to worry about clocks ticking! (Easier said than done!)

 

[gemmainthesun]

Youve only been trying for nearly 2 years, I know thats quite a lot and yes you dont have age on your side but you prob have unexplained because there is nothing wrong, I know loadfs of people and some on here who have got pregnant naturally after 2 plus years, dont ever wish to have a problem because believe me its never often easily solved and youy rely fully on fertility treatment, i'd take the unexplained anyday. Ive said it before but cant you buy one of them machines from boots, fertility machines, they have proved as successful as IVF in patients with unexplained, you wear a patch every day and it links up to the machine and its constantly tracking your fertility, tells you exactlky when to bd and its got such high success rate, think they are about 500 quid and they do a pregnant in 12 months or money back guarntee aswell for most people, but even if they dont thats not too bad price x

 

[Tinkerbell3]

Youve only been trying for nearly 2 years, I know thats quite a lot and yes you dont have age on your side but you prob have unexplained because there is nothing wrong, I know loadfs of people and some on here who have got pregnant naturally after 2 plus years, dont ever wish to have a problem because believe me its never often easily solved and youy rely fully on fertility treatment, i'd take the unexplained anyday. Ive said it before but cant you buy one of them machines from boots, fertility machines, they have proved as successful as IVF in patients with unexplained, you wear a patch every day and it links up to the machine and its constantly tracking your fertility, tells you exactlky when to bd and its got such high success rate, think they are about 500 quid and they do a pregnant in 12 months or money back guarntee aswell for most people, but even if they dont thats not too bad price x

I know you probably didn't mean it that way but to say she has ONLY been trying 2 years is quite insensitive, 2 years is a long time, I'm sure you remember how painful and long 2 years felt when you were at that point a year ago?
Just because people, like myself have unexplained infertility it doesn't mean there's nothing wrong, it means there could be and it just hasn't been found. It's so emotionally difficult enough to not be getting pregnant but add onto that not finding a reason why makes even harder. I've experienced it from both sides, we were initially diagnosed with male factor (low count) and told ICSI would be our only option, this was hard but we felt relieved in a way, we had an answer, we knew why month after month we were never getting a BFP and would could relax a bit because we weren't getting our hopes up so much every month to have them dashed but then we found out it was a one of bad sample and all the emotions and thoughts of why isn't it happening, will it ever, how do we fix something when we don't know what exactly is broken all came flooding back and it's certainly been harder again since having that diagnosis taken away.
I'd much rather have a reason why then left in limbo and heartache about if it will ever happen, at least with a diagnosis you know, you know what to do next about over coming it with not having one where do you go next? Some people don't have 2, 3, 5 or even more years just waiting for their time to happen, a time that might never happen because there is a reason why they aren't getting pregnant but not enough tests are done to find the answer.

 

[Blueflower]

Yes, I'd ideally like to just wait and see if we get pregnant naturally but then the menopause could strike! I don't want there to be anything wrong but they could never find anything wrong and suddenly I'll be 44 and its too late. The doctors have all advised us to have IVF because time is running out! They said my eggs could be too old so could have chromosomal abnormalities, so that could be the problem. I really don't think an expensive fertility monitor would make any difference, I use a persona and know when I ovulate, we've 'done the deed' hundreds of times at the 'right' time! If I was 10 years younger and we had 'unexplained' I would definitely just get on with my life and do something else for a bit. Its horrible to be younger and have diagnosed problems but its also horrible to be older and worry that it might never happen.

 

[gemmainthesun]

I actually meant it to make you feel better because I honestly think if they haven't found anything wrong then there probably isn't, I was talking to my nan and she said women in her day used to go ages inbetween having babies and they didn't have contraception in their day, I've said it before but there was 7 years between 2 of hers... I'm not being insensitive, surely I've been on here long enough for you to know that, we are all going through the same thing here. The boots machine has succeeded where ovulation sticks have failed, and if your eligible for the money back guarantee you have nothing to lose. Only trying to help anyway

 

[Blueflower]

No its fine, its just that if they can find something wrong there might be a solution but if they can't there might not be one.
Are you preparing for your next IVF?

 

[gemmainthesun]

Yeah but the department closes down aug so looks like Sept time ish now. I'm back there in a week so will c. Won't they
try you on Clomid? X

 

[Blueflower]

The nhs said it wasn't worth giving me clomid because I ovulate and I'm too old for success, great! But I'm going to suggest we go down that route at the private clinic. It will be us paying so they are more likely to agree! That way it should nelp more follicles mature and we could avoid expensive treatment for the time being!

 

[gemmainthesun]

Yeah that's what I was thinking better to be trying something rather than nothing.x