I'm a complete B*tch....

[Tick-Tock]

I feel like a right bitch today…My brother who had a baby in August (and is 16months younger than me) rang me this morning to tell me that my uncle (18mo younger than me) and his wife are expecting! Don’t get me wrong I’m really happy for them, but bitter at the same time. I can’t cope with these opposite feelings I’m having and surely I’ll burn in hell…. This is the 5th pregnancy that has been announced around me in the last 4 weeks and I feel like if another person tells me they are pregnant I’ll scream…. (or says you are only 30 you’ve got ages!!)

The smallest thing is making me burst into tears today. I sort of understood when my brother announced their pregnancy (I walked round Tesco with tears rolling down my face!). I’m older, surely I should be first…. But I can’t be bitter about everyone else, what’s wrong with me.

It doesn’t help that OH won’t even talk about TTC, but does say every time after we have BD’d without protection (which is most of the time, but not in the “dangerous time”) “have I given you a little baby?”. I’ve told him that I want to TTC in the New Year and he doesn’t respond either way so I can’t really tell what he’s thinking. I’m holding out hope that we may have a happy accident (which wouldn’t faze him, he’d be quite happy), but I’m dreading those pre-AF symptoms arriving because against all my better judgement I keep thinking “maybe this time it’s not AF!”………..

I’m painting a bad picture of him…he’s the most wonderful man I have ever met and does talk about “when we have kids” he just doesn’t understand my need to have them now! He’s not very good at committing to decisions…it took me ages to get him to agree to put an offer in on our house, but says it was the best decision he’s ever made!!!

Sorry for the rant but I just don’t know what to do with myself today.

 

[Emma22]

aw hun sorry your feeling down. it is hard when you want something so bad and then everyone around you seems to get it so easy. i felt the same and with each month was finding it harder and harder to cope with. its normal hun. so are you not activly trying then? does your OH know how desperate and ready you are? x

 

[mum2be?]

Sorry you are feeling down,

 

[Becs]

You're not a bitch! It's impossible to be lovely all the time let alone think nice thoughts all the time. You're not hurting anyone. Sorry to hear it's got on top of you recently.

 

[Peanut]

No definitely not a bitch.

It's hard when all you want is to start your own family. You feel like you're swimming through treacle...everything goes in slow-mo and it's so frustrating. I used to get really upset about the gmtv weather girl. Dumb huh?

You just keep talking to your OH. Make sure you both want the same thing and it WILL happen for you x

 

[Penstraze]

Your feelings are totally understandable and im fairly certain you wont be burning in hell for feeling this way!
I think you really need to have a good talk with OH tell him what you have told us about how you feel everytime someone you know gets pregnant, it sounds from your post like you OH really isnt aware just how strongly you feel about this, it also sounds like he would be too adverse to the idea if he just realises you are being serious and desperately want this, its amazing how easy it is to both be on the wrong track about what the other person wants by misinterperating(sp) what they have said!
Hope you talk to OH and get the result you want!

 

[PyscoFalcon]

I totally understand as I keep getting those feelings every time AF arrives espeiclly as 3 people at hubbys work have just had babies and 4 more have annouced there pregnant.

And there's me who came off depo 2 years ago to have a baby and still haven't got one

 

[Tick-Tock]

Thank you all very much for all your positive replies.

No we aren't actively TTC. I came off the Depo shot in June 2005 as it gave me more acne than a teenage boy.... I can't take the combined pill as I am at high risk of stroke. We were using condoms for months but my periods didn't return until may this year. Since then we have got more and more casual about using protection and to be honest hardly use it at all (just when I am in the "dangerous phase", and to be honest less and less then now too). Some of my friends take this as a sign that he wants a baby but doesn't want to admit it to himself just yet. And knowing how useless he is at making a decision about anything important, I agree. I know it'll happen eventually but the monthly reminder/constant analysis of every little symptom doesn't help...

I know I should talk to him but I find it really hard to explain how I feel about it. I was trying to explain to one of my friends the urge I now have to have a family. She didn't understand until a few months ago when her own body clock kicked in and she's now like "Oh my god, it really is a tick-tock". If I can't explain it to another woman how can I get a man to understand.

We only recently finished university after 8 years and he still likes his "student-like" lifestyle. Don't get me wrong I like going out for a drink and socialising with my friends but more and more I am saying to myself "I want more than this".

Sorry for yet another long rant, especially to those of you that have much worse problems than I have, but its just nice to say all of this to people who understand, I think I'd go loopy otherwise, Thanks.

 

[Peanut]

8 years of uni - are you medics?!

Sounds like he's fairly relaxed about the idea, why not approach it by saying you'd like to actively start trying for a family and wouldn't it be nice never to use condoms again... he may be non-committal at first, but it sounds like you know he'd be thrilled. Good luck!

Pea x

p.s. don't worry about the rambling post - what else are we forum addicts meant to do all day ?

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Sorry your feeling like this hun , maybe have a nice sit down with him or go out for dinner while your both relaxed guys are so inconsiderate at times.
I really hope everything works out and who knows that miracle may just happen.
Katrina

 

[Ebony_Mommy]

i came off the depo in feb 2004... wasnt ttc (but had unprotected sex with o/h almost all the time) only fell preggy march 2006

all i can say is it might take time

xxx

 

[Fingers crossed]

Sorry your feeling down it's understandable to feel the way you are. Best of luck

 

[x-kirsty-x]

You're not being a bitch at all, when we were TTC everyone around me (my best friend, OH's best friends girlfriend, even OH's mother!!!) all fell pregnant and it made life really hard for me, I felt like giving up. I had to ask all the right questions and plaster a huge smile on my face all the time and it all got too much so I know how you feel.

I hope you get your BFP soon

 

[Bec]

No!! You're not being a bitch at ALL!! I felt the same way .. posted on here and got lots of support from all the wonderful girls on here! I got married in Jan and when we go back from the wedding/honeymoon in Feb we started TTCing straight away .... a few weeks later I get a call from my little brother (well he was 27!!) .. and his gf was pg .. an 'accident' .... I went through all the same feelings as you ... I'm older ... I should've been 1st! Then ... just as I was wondering if i might be pg a close friend of mine told me she was pg ... and my AF arrived the very next day .. .. Then a few weeks ago ... my very best friend tells me she is pg .... that was it! I broke down and boo-ed my eyes out in the toilets at work!

Don't get me wrong ........... I am SOOOOOO happy for all of them .... but I kinda dreading how I'm going to cope when my little niece or nephew is born in 4 weeks time .... and then my friend's baby .. and then my best friend's baby ......... I had a really down, rock bottom day when I cried loads .. but I'm feeling better now! I'm just trying to think about the wonderful miracle my brother and friends are about to experience ... and I'm focussing on just being happy for them ....

My turn will come ....... or so I am told!!

Anyway - very long post .. just to say YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! PM if you'd like to ... anytime ...

Take care,

 

[Andrianne]

I just wanna say hugs to everyone who's feeling like this
It's completely understandable

Your turn will come, i'm sure!!

good luck and baby dust

xx