Two babies under 2 - disadvantages?

[MrsTS]

Hi all,

I've been looking through the net trying to find people's experiences of having two children very close together. Anecdotally all I have found are good experiences! (Apart from the obvious difficulties having 2 so young). Has anybody had a bad experience of having two babies under 2? Or being pregnant with such a young baby?

My wee girl is 11 weeks and she is just fantastic. She feeds well, sleeps through the night and is just so content. My pregnancy was brilliant (I loved being pregnant and had no issues, despite a fairly traumatic labour) and I have managed to get back to work ok (had to go back early due to issues at work). Despite missing her like crazy at work I guess I have been very lucky. I am very conscious that I've had it good and the next one could be a wee menace! But I am very keen to have my next very soon, as I don't think it'd be as easy in a few years time for me (from a career/finance point of view). So I'm just looking for people's experiences really! Trying to decide whether I should ignore the possible difficulties I may have in a few years time and enjoy the time I have with my little girl now...I imagine you feel guilty splitting your time between two...especially if time is limited due to work etc.

Thanks

 

[hayes]

I'm hoping there isn't to many disadvantages as I have a 13 month old son n I'm pg again, I think it will initially b very tough but once in a rourine that suits us all it will hopefully get better!! I think that there is never a right time or right age fir the child to b so if it's wat u want then go for it.

Michelle.x

 

[Ella1979]

Hmm, what a question!!! I don't think there's ever an ideal time or age gap really. There are 21 months between mine and I wouldn't change it. Things can be difficult, e.g. you can't sleep when the baby sleeps as you have a toddler to look after; both may be in nappies and/or just potty training; morning sickness is a bit of a bugger when you have to run after a toddler... Yes you have to divide your time between the two, but that teaches them both that they can't (and shouldn't) always be the centre of attention. My son, used to waiting, is so good and amuses himself. My daughter is learning that sometimes she has to wait for things because her brother needs me. They have to learn to share.

To be honest, I can't think of any proper disadvantages except perhaps that if you want to return to work 9-12 months after you have your second baby (or earlier), you're going to pay an arm and a leg for childcare until your eldest turns 3. Currently 90% of my pay goes on nursery fees, which is quite shocking, especially given if I worked full time I'd get over the average UK wage. So financially there are major disadvantages - can't go on days out to anywhere expensive, no holidays since 2011, have to manage on a very tight budget - but everything else isn't really an issue.

 

[littlemonkey]

Reinforcing what Ella has said, two young children financially is going to be tough if you want to go back to work. Child care costs for two children for us would be £1k a month if we both worked full time. That's not much less than what my OH brings home a month. There will be two years between our two, so thankfully when I'm planning on going back to work, LO will be coming up to three and eligible for the free part time childcare.

I know everyone is different, but personally I would also find it hard going back to work full time with two young children. I find it very emotionally and physically demanding. I don't get the quality family time I would like. I may find it harder because I work shifts, I don't know. But realistically I cannot imagine going back to full time work on my current hours with two children.

 

[Louise2013]

Reinforcing what Ella has said, two young children financially is going to be tough if you want to go back to work. Child care costs for two children for us would be £1k a month if we both worked full time. That's not much less than what my OH brings home a month. There will be two years between our two, so thankfully when I'm planning on going back to work, LO will be coming up to three and eligible for the free part time childcare.

I know everyone is different, but personally I would also find it hard going back to work full time with two young children. I find it very emotionally and physically demanding. I don't get the quality family time I would like. I may find it harder because I work shifts, I don't know. But realistically I cannot imagine going back to full time work on my current hours with two children.

I have to ask; where do you live?! I want to move there! childcare costs here for two in nursery FT are around £2000-2200 a month..... Amazing how different things are based on blimmin geography! Xxx

 

[littlemonkey]

Reinforcing what Ella has said, two young children financially is going to be tough if you want to go back to work. Child care costs for two children for us would be £1k a month if we both worked full time. That's not much less than what my OH brings home a month. There will be two years between our two, so thankfully when I'm planning on going back to work, LO will be coming up to three and eligible for the free part time childcare.

I know everyone is different, but personally I would also find it hard going back to work full time with two young children. I find it very emotionally and physically demanding. I don't get the quality family time I would like. I may find it harder because I work shifts, I don't know. But realistically I cannot imagine going back to full time work on my current hours with two children.

I have to ask; where do you live?! I want to move there! childcare costs here for two in nursery FT are around £2000-2200 a month..... Amazing how different things are based on blimmin geography! Xxx

North Wales. We pay £30 per day per child for our childminder. Thankfully it's only four days a week as OH works condensed hours. The nurseries we looked at varied from £40-50 per day per child.

We live close to the boarder and the difference in childcare costs between England and Wales is a lot considering it's only five miles down the road! One of the main reasons we moved was because everything was cheaper just to live that fraction of a distance away. On the other hand though, wages arent brilliant and job prospects are also pretty grim.

 

[Louise2013]

Reinforcing what Ella has said, two young children financially is going to be tough if you want to go back to work. Child care costs for two children for us would be £1k a month if we both worked full time. That's not much less than what my OH brings home a month. There will be two years between our two, so thankfully when I'm planning on going back to work, LO will be coming up to three and eligible for the free part time childcare.

I know everyone is different, but personally I would also find it hard going back to work full time with two young children. I find it very emotionally and physically demanding. I don't get the quality family time I would like. I may find it harder because I work shifts, I don't know. But realistically I cannot imagine going back to full time work on my current hours with two children.

I have to ask; where do you live?! I want to move there! childcare costs here for two in nursery FT are around £2000-2200 a month..... Amazing how different things are based on blimmin geography! Xxx

North Wales. We pay £30 per day per child for our childminder. Thankfully it's only four days a week as OH works condensed hours. The nurseries we looked at varied from £40-50 per day per child.

We live close to the boarder and the difference in childcare costs between England and Wales is a lot considering it's only five miles down the road! One of the main reasons we moved was because everything was cheaper just to live that fraction of a distance away. On the other hand though, wages arent brilliant and job prospects are also pretty grim.

Yea, pros and cons I guess... Lovely location though I bet. I'm very tempted to upsticks!

 

[Mrs CW]

I have 19months between my boys, it's hard work when they both need you at the same time but I guess it would be the same whatever age gap you have. My boys now play together and entertain each other, they're best friends. A disadvantage is as others have said the cost of childcare. We're lucky that our parents have the boys for 2 days a week so we only have a day of childcare to pay for. Do bare in mind that they get their funding the term after they turn 3. We've been really lucky as our boys birthdays mean they qualify within a few weeks of their birthdays but friends are waitng 4 months to get their funding x

 

[OMGbabyno3]

There's 15.5 months between my daughters. I wouldn't change it for anything.

People said we were mad but now they see the advantages! They are now 5 and nearly 4 and of everything together, love each other and are best friends, it was fairly hard but DD1 was so chilled out I think we had it easy!

We had a nanny 4 days a week for a lot of the time too, costing about 1800 per month.

Seeing other have an age gap of 3 years makes me wonder if that would be harder, as the child is used to having 100% attention.

We are now due DD3 next week and gurls are super excited, I guess cos they're at the age where they play with babies a lot! We are already thinking of having not final one close to this one as loved having two so close so much!

x

 

[Louise2013]

There's 15.5 months between my daughters. I wouldn't change it for anything.

People said we were mad but now they see the advantages! They are now 5 and nearly 4 and of everything together, love each other and are best friends, it was fairly hard but DD1 was so chilled out I think we had it easy!

We had a nanny 4 days a week for a lot of the time too, costing about 1800 per month.

Seeing other have an age gap of 3 years makes me wonder if that would be harder, as the child is used to having 100% attention.

We are now due DD3 next week and gurls are super excited, I guess cos they're at the age where they play with babies a lot! We are already thinking of having not final one close to this one as loved having two so close so much!

x

Aww, this is so lovely! All being well I'll have 16 months between mine so it is lovely to read such sweet words xxx

 

[MrsTS]

Thanks so much for the replies. It's given me something to think about definitely!

All going well I would be working 3/4 days a week and could have family watch the little ones 1 day a week so hopefully any childcare costs wouldn't be *too* expernsive-Id be looking to get a childminder. Which is another question actually-how did you decide the best childcare for your wee ones? Was it location, money etc or did you have a set idea that you wanted say a childminder over a nursery?

Ella, that is a really good point too about learning to wait and share attention. The sooner they learn that the better I'm sure. although I bet there were some tantrums at first!!!

The financial thing is obviously a really big factor, I hadn't really thought about holidays (having an 11 week old I can't really bring holidays into my radar at the moment!!). I guess though that when they're older like you are all saying it will be nice when they can play together like friends and that is a really important thing. Omgbabyno3, that's so sweet! It's posts like that which make me want to do it! (No pun intended!!!)

 

[MrsTS]

Thanks so much for the replies. It's given me something to think about definitely!

All going well I would be working 3/4 days a week and could have family watch the little ones 1 day a week so hopefully any childcare costs wouldn't be *too* expernsive-Id be looking to get a childminder. Which is another question actually-how did you decide the best childcare for your wee ones? Was it location, money etc or did you have a set idea that you wanted say a childminder over a nursery?

Ella, that is a really good point too about learning to wait and share attention. The sooner they learn that the better I'm sure. although I bet there were some tantrums at first!!!

The financial thing is obviously a really big factor, I hadn't really thought about holidays (having an 11 week old I can't really bring holidays into my radar at the moment!!). I guess though that when they're older like you are all saying it will be nice when they can play together like friends and that is a really important thing. Omgbabyno3, that's so sweet! It's posts like that which make me want to do it! (No pun intended!!!)

 

[MrsTS]

Sorry for the double post, my phone freaked out a bit there!!

 

[Ella1979]

Ella, that is a really good point too about learning to wait and share attention. The sooner they learn that the better I'm sure. although I bet there were some tantrums at first!!!

Oh we still get them! But while my daughter does still throw a fit when something of hers is taken, my son is actually very good at sharing - possibly because he's never known a time when he didn't have to.

Childcare costs - we pay £42.85 a day for our nursery (per child), which will reduce next term by a substantial amount, but we will have had 4 months of the higher fees. I went back to work when my son was 13 months, so obviously the closer the gap and the sooner you go back, the longer you have paying full fees.

 

[OMGbabyno3]

My two are, especially youngest are very good at sharing. I compare them with my nephew who's terrible! Really territorial. My youngest, who is actually more bolshy often gives in to sister for a quiet life, lol. I think they just fit themselves into their own roles.

We decided on a nanny as at the time my step son lived with us so we had a school run too. Just not possible without nanny. Worked out cheaper too.

I loved having a nanny, and glad I did it that way. Was worried at first that they'd get too attached to her, but I soon realised they knew who mum was.l.silly, I know!

We only don't have a nanny now as we moved abroad. So, doing it ourselves and with a newborn could be interesting!

It's great tho as they have, and had, the same friends, liked the same groups, same telly, share clothes etc etc! Obviously easier that they're both girls.

They can't wait to have a baby sister and have divvied the jobs up between them...all I have to do is cuddle, apparently. And cook dinner, lol.

 

[JJ Mum]

It is hard but still worth it

I have lots if diff age gaps
Baby 1
23 mths
Baby 2
13 mths
Baby 3
9 years
Baby 4
2 yrs 9 mths
Baby 5
21/22 mths
Due baby 6

Best has been 13 mths

Less pickup drop offs- as kids in scouts together!
I did give up work as 3 nearly under 3 in childcare would just not work !!
I did miss my sons first steps as in hosp having baby 3!! Was really gutted
Was harder to recover from section and look after such a little one
They are boy/girl so might be that but they are so close in age it's like having twins but without the close bond, they had a rivalry or competitiveness , they still do at 13 and 14!
School holidays can get expensive as £360 one year for one and then straight into the other going the next year !!

Oh and when 3 and 4 and in nursery, i did have to have one in mornings and one in afternoons!! Lunch was on the way! That was hard

If I could have had my number 5 as close to my number 4 I would of x

 

[Rose83]

I don't have anything useful to say here but just wanted to say that my little girl is 8 weeks tomorrow and I too am wanting to have another one quickly. Basically my OH and I have no plans to use contraception as we would be happy if I got pregnant straight away. I am breastfeeding though so my periods haven't returned yet although I know that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not ovulating. Just thought you might want to know you aren't the only person crazy enough to want to do it all again that quickly! I'm a teacher and will go back to work in the autumn but would love to be going back only for a few months before then needing to be off for maternity leave againx

 

[MrsTS]

Thanks again for all the replies-it's really interesting to hear people's stories! JJ mum, how amazing to have (almost) 6 kids!! When I was a wee girl I dreamed of having 5 kids, but my husband isn't so keen on so many so we have settled on 3 or 4. It's interesting too to see the age gaps and how you like the close age gaps.

Omgbabyno3 I think a nanny would be a good idea but I went to a childminder myself when I was young and I had such a good time there with the other kids (the same kids went there for years) that Id like to have the same experience for my wee ones.

Rose83 we are in exactly the same position! I haven't had a period yet but lo has started going about 7-8 hours between feeds at night so I think mine may return soon. It's strange not knowing if it's going to happen or not each time. I hear stories about women taking over a yeAr to get their periods back! I'd be a bit disappointed if that was me.

 

[Frankie_t]

I have 16 months between my first two boys then 3 years between no 2 and no3, a girl. It's great having the two boys close together because they do the same things, are interested in the same things, consequetive school years, best friends etc. it was tough in the early days but it super easy now they're 5 and 3 and 3/4. Having a three year gap is much easier in the early days but I think will be tougher when she starts to get bigger and isn't into the things the boys are. I'm also pleased to feel like I'm 'finished' with the having babies without my age making that choice for me. I'd say go for it and don't be put off by the scare stories xx