TTC for over a year and feeling hopeless

[Teabz]

Hi everyone, (apologies in advance for long post)

I feel like I am reaching the limit now. My husband and I have been trying for 13 months and God knows how many cycles now. No luck whatsoever. We are having fertility tests done now, first one normal. Now we are waiting for his tests to come back and I have to go back for another test to check my ovaries in a wee while.

To make things even more complicated I just had a biopsy taken after an abnormal smear and might need to get a general aneasthetic to get the abnormal stuff removed

The stress of all this is really getting to me now, esp since we have been told to stop trying for the next couple of months till this is dealt with. It seems like everyone around me is either just pregnant, about to give birth or has a new born.

To make things worse I was 2 days late and i was letting my mind wander and my hopes get up and AF reared her hideous head today. I have never felt so down

Is anyone or has anyone else been in a similar position?

How do you deal with the heartache every month?

 

[xMillie]

I've been in a similar position, I had 3 smear tests that all came back as abnormal (before they would even refer me for colposcopy) it was hell! All that while ttc was pretty stressful. After I was refered to colposcopy the problem was dealt with fast and I had my cin3 removed with lletz under spinal anaesthetic - I was too scared to be put to sleep... I had a fear of hospitals which I've pretty much beat now.

Do you have a date for your treatment yet?


The heartache I'm not sure I deal with it well, some months I'm ok others I'm not. I think it's ok to cry if you need to. I'm not sure I have any other advice on that. If you're having fertility tests done you are on the right track though, hopefully they will be of some help. Good luck x

 

[Teabz]

Thank you for your reply, I'm glad you were able to get treatment quickly. I have a similar phobia and I am terrified of them putting me under but they won't discuss it till the biopsy results are back, so no treatment date yet.

The heartache and stress is definitely the hardest part to deal with. Some days i just feel numb and others I can'tell stop crying. Good luck to you too.

Nothing else for it but to just plod along I suppose. xx

 

[MoominGirl]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

Hopefully you'll find the forum supportive just hearing from people who actually understand what a minefield this is! I basically hit a wall last month which prompted me to join and I definitely feel so much better for it.

We've been 'officially' TTC for 7 months and by that I mean I've actually been thinking about when I may be ovulating etc but I've actually been off the pill for about 2 years now. Was hoping things would happen naturally but as I was diagnosed with high prolactin around the time of coming off the pill, it was less likely. That was picked up by chance so I didn't want to pile on more pressure with TTC. Once my periods were more normal and prolactin was normal, I felt I needed to put more thought into it. Although it's given me more control, it means I'm being hit harder with the disappointment as each month goes by. It is ok to cry and I have many times, particularly over recent months. It's good you're getting fertility tests done, I've now got more booked myself as I feel I need to know on way or the other if there's any more problems.

I've also started getting some reflexology, more for relaxation and a bit of 'me' time if nothing else. I just think I'm getting myself in such a state some days that I'm really not doing myself any favours. Despite AF appearing a day early, I've actually been much more positive than I've felt recently so hopefully a step in the right direction.

I realise I've now rambled quite a bit but hopefully this is helpful! Good luck.

 

[xMillie]

Hopefully you will have some word on what's happening soon.

I'm not sure if all hospitals do it but I did get the option to go for general or spinal. I know they prefer general as it's quicker and you're out of their way faster but they can not do anything until you sign.

Sometimes you have to take things one step at a time. It was horrible to have to take a break from ttc'ing for treatment because of the "what if this was our month" but after it was over and I healed I was back in the game. It all happened so fast.

 

[Teabz]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

Hopefully you'll find the forum supportive just hearing from people who actually understand what a minefield this is! I basically hit a wall last month which prompted me to join and I definitely feel so much better for it.

We've been 'officially' TTC for 7 months and by that I mean I've actually been thinking about when I may be ovulating etc but I've actually been off the pill for about 2 years now. Was hoping things would happen naturally but as I was diagnosed with high prolactin around the time of coming off the pill, it was less likely. That was picked up by chance so I didn't want to pile on more pressure with TTC. Once my periods were more normal and prolactin was normal, I felt I needed to put more thought into it. Although it's given me more control, it means I'm being hit harder with the disappointment as each month goes by. It is ok to cry and I have many times, particularly over recent months. It's good you're getting fertility tests done, I've now got more booked myself as I feel I need to know on way or the other if there's any more problems.

I've also started getting some reflexology, more for relaxation and a bit of 'me' time if nothing else. I just think I'm getting myself in such a state some days that I'm really not doing myself any favours. Despite AF appearing a day early, I've actually been much more positive than I've felt recently so hopefully a step in the right direction.

I realise I've now rambled quite a bit but hopefully this is helpful! Good luck.

I am hopeful that this will help, I am glad it has for you! It is a definite minefield, at the moment I have a colleague who is pregnant and I find it really difficult to listen to all the comments about it. I have had several bubbles over the situation.

Good luck with your tests, its a a difficult thing to go through but worth it I am sure! We are still in the early stages so it's still a wait and see situation.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, I hope we all get a happy family one day soon xx

 

[Teabz]

Hopefully you will have some word on what's happening soon.

I'm not sure if all hospitals do it but I did get the option to go for general or spinal. I know they prefer general as it's quicker and you're out of their way faster but they can not do anything until you sign.

Sometimes you have to take things one step at a time. It was horrible to have to take a break from ttc'ing for treatment because of the "what if this was our month" but after it was over and I healed I was back in the game. It all happened so fast.

They never mentioned a spinal but that sounds much better! I will need to ask them about it. Taking a month off scares me for that exact reason, with our luck it would be the meant to be month.

Whatever happens I am just going to have to suck it up and get on with it. It's just getting harder with each cycle.

Thank you both for your suport though, it is much appreciated xx

 

[MoominGirl]

Thanks Teabz. Should get the results of OH's sperm analysis in about a week and I'm getting bloods this week and then d21 progesterone. I've ordered some cheap OPKs and a thermometer so I can also track myself to see if my results match up with the bloods. I said I wouldn't track as I didn't want to obsess but here we are haha! Also getting an ultrasound done, GP reckons about 3 weeks wait so will hopefully have some answers by next month.

I know what you mean about plodding along and I'm not that sort of person so it just doesn't sit well with me!! Even if there are problems I'd rather know so we can actually do something about it rather than keep trying and nothing. Then we'd just find out eventually and I'd regret not saying something sooner.

I hope you can find ways to make it easier for yourself.

 

[Teabz]

I am exactly the same, I want things done yesterday so this goes against my nature too.

We are waiting the results of the sperm test just now too. Heres hoping there is luck for both of us!

To be honest I don't think things will ever get easier with this, not until I end up pregnant or we give up and look at other options.

My fur babies will just have to be my comfort just now!

Thanks for all your support xx

 

[MoominGirl]

I think I find it easier just to be honest on here. I still don't feel ready to share that we're TTC so it's nice to be able to vent and not feel like I'm bringing my OH down with me. He's so supportive but me sobbing uncontrollably has to be quite wearing after a while! Although I don't think it will get easier, I am hoping that changing my approach will help me deal with it better. I am glad that I've now got the GP on board also as it just feels like something is happening rather than just crying and wondering.

 

[1sttimer]

Hi everyone, (apologies in advance for long post)

I feel like I am reaching the limit now. My husband and I have been trying for 13 months and God knows how many cycles now. No luck whatsoever. We are having fertility tests done now, first one normal. Now we are waiting for his tests to come back and I have to go back for another test to check my ovaries in a wee while.

To make things even more complicated I just had a biopsy taken after an abnormal smear and might need to get a general aneasthetic to get the abnormal stuff removed

The stress of all this is really getting to me now, esp since we have been told to stop trying for the next couple of months till this is dealt with. It seems like everyone around me is either just pregnant, about to give birth or has a new born.

To make things worse I was 2 days late and i was letting my mind wander and my hopes get up and AF reared her hideous head today. I have never felt so down

Is anyone or has anyone else been in a similar position?

How do you deal with the heartache every month?

Hi Teabz, I'm a bit late to the party but just wanted to weigh in a little here because I feel your pain and there is one thing that has really helped me over time - I was chatting to a friend of mine who is recently single after a 10 year relationship and she was saying how depressing it is that she would have to start all over again meeting someone whilst all her friends are getting married and having kids - my answer to her was that all those people who have the ring on finger and kids in tow have already gone through the two single most important and exciting events that happen in anyone's life so everything from here on will never be as exciting again - just always remember that you have it all still to look forward to. Never think of it as something that might not happen because that's highly unlikely - what is most likely is that it might take a while but will be all the more rewarding when it does. I am about to embark on IVF and my sister did 3 rounds of it so babies in our family are little miracles - just focus on that - that's how you get through everyone else's 'happy news' and the monthly disappointment - be happy for them, have a moan and a cry behind their backs and then remember - it's all still to come! All the excitement will be yours soon... just hang in there x

 

[tinselcat]

Hi Teabz

We were trying for over 3 years involving a miscarriage at 12 weeks and in the end I felt utterly hopeless. Fortunately, the 3rd round of ivf worked and I now have a healthy 2 y/o but it was a horrendous mental and emotional struggle during that time. Everyone's circumstances are different so it's hard when people say oh don't worry, it'll happen for you eventually without knowing all the details. But there have been many women in this LTTTC forum who have got past the point of all hope but now have their children. If I could go back and do anything differently it would be to have spent those 3.5 years not thinking obsessively about TTC and actually doing something nice with the time itself. Prepare yourself for a long journey but be kind to yourself along the way xxx