Treated differently at work since being pregnant?

[pringle88]

has anybody else been treated differently at work since telling your boss you are expecting?

My and my BF both work together literally the desks next to each other, the MD came in last week and set up a desk inbetween us where she now sits :S

She then went through all of my drawers and shredded what she believed wasnt important (when i wasnt in work)!!!!

her reason was that because im pregnant im obviously going to be having a lot of time off sick!!!

She also said to me i cant believe you and Dan are going to have a child, he is too immature and will care more about his xbox than his child she also said she expected more from me and at 22 years old as i should be focusing on my career!!!!

She asked if i had heard of contraception and then had a go at Dan saying he shouldve taken responsibilty and used something!!!

Fair enough ive worked with her since i was 17 and shes been great to me, given me so many opportunities but how out of order for an MD to say this stuff. Shes actually making me feel like im ruining my career by having this baby!

Sorry i just wanted to rant about her, i just think she has turned evil!!!

 

[BabysMomma]

Wow! That's so not nice of her to say things like that about you and your OH. She may have given you lots of opportunties in work but it doesn't give her the right to comment on personal stuff like that IMHO. Its not very professional for an MD.

The best way to deal with people like that is just to remain happy smiley, nod in all the right places, and have a dart board at home with a picture of her face on it so as you can use it as a destresser when you get home from work after having to listen to her all day

Hope she gets over her...whatever it is that's making her say those things asap, and you can relax at work x

 

[Coco pops]

If you have a HR department speak to them if not you should call ACAS and get advice on what you should do as this is very unfair xx

 

[pringle88]

I work for such a small company, the HR department is one girl younger than I am and she basically does what shes told to do by the MD... if we have a problem with her we kind of have to like it or lump it!

I think if she continues we will call ACAS, i never thought og that. Thanks

haha, love the dartboard idea..why didnt we think of that ourselves!!!

x

 

[Bexybun]

Um, alarm bells are ringing- this is bullying, sweetheart, you really should do something about that. That's verging on harrasment.

To answer your q, no not really been treated any differently, other than one staff member (sales assistant, not managerial, quite young and doesn't have kids) telling me that all pregnant women at work "act like they have an illness and use it as an excuse to be lazy and take the piss". Thanks bitch, a simple 'congratulations' would suffice.

 

[pringle88]

Um, alarm bells are ringing- this is bullying, sweetheart, you really should do something about that. That's verging on harrasment.

To answer your q, no not really been treated any differently, other than one staff member (sales assistant, not managerial, quite young and doesn't have kids) telling me that all pregnant women at work "act like they have an illness and use it as an excuse to be lazy and take the piss". Thanks bitch, a simple 'congratulations' would suffice.

Suprising how many people like to share their unwanted opinions isn't it!!! Did you say something back to her?

Thing is, she has said so many inappropriate comments infront of everybody in the room, most people have commented so it would be easy to do something about it i reckon, it's just knowing where to go!

I have just found out that behind my back she has offered my job to somebody for 2 years cover...how much time does she think im going to take off work? but she has offered the role on the understanding that this girl "does not start a family within the next 2 years" if shes planning on starting a family she cannot accept the job!!!!!!!!!! The girl she offered it too has rejected the job as she wants a family soon and everybody else in the room doesnt want my job because they dont want to work as closely with the MD as i have to! She can be such a beast! x

 

[Bexybun]

She sounds like a f*cking psycho! Seriously, you should take this further, especially as you have plenty of witnesses. And the job thing, wtf?! She can't just give your job to someone else for 2 years, that's illegal! I'd say talk to citizens advice or that other one someone else mentioned. This is baaaad.

No I didn't say anything to my colleague at the time, wish I had, she's a condescending witch. About two weeks later she said "I just wanted to say you're doing so much better work now, I hardly ever have to tell you what to do anymore." YOU AND I ARE AT THE SAME LEVEL, AND YOU'VE ONLY BEEN HERE TWO MONTHS LONGER THAN ME, YOU PATRONISING COW! Lol.

 

[i.love]

omg she sounds horrible!! Don't know how you stand it.

 

[NinjaKitty]

Um, alarm bells are ringing- this is bullying, sweetheart, you really should do something about that. That's verging on harrasment.

To answer your q, no not really been treated any differently, other than one staff member (sales assistant, not managerial, quite young and doesn't have kids) telling me that all pregnant women at work "act like they have an illness and use it as an excuse to be lazy and take the piss". Thanks bitch, a simple 'congratulations' would suffice.

Suprising how many people like to share their unwanted opinions isn't it!!! Did you say something back to her?

Thing is, she has said so many inappropriate comments infront of everybody in the room, most people have commented so it would be easy to do something about it i reckon, it's just knowing where to go!

I have just found out that behind my back she has offered my job to somebody for 2 years cover...how much time does she think im going to take off work? but she has offered the role on the understanding that this girl "does not start a family within the next 2 years" if shes planning on starting a family she cannot accept the job!!!!!!!!!! The girl she offered it too has rejected the job as she wants a family soon and everybody else in the room doesnt want my job because they dont want to work as closely with the MD as i have to! She can be such a beast! x

She simply can't discriminate like that it's against the law. I'd deffo try and get some advice to make sure you cover your back.

I know there are some HR ladies here hopefully they'll chime in too.

 

[Bunnykins]

OMG so shocked but actually not surprised!!!! I cant believe what some people think they can get away with its appalling.

I had a boss who when I told we were trying for kids (over 3 years ago and I was 28) he said I dont think its a very good idea, the economy isnt right for having kids so your stupid for trying now I think your using it as an excuse to get out of doing your job and you wont get away with it!! WTF and erm none of your business whether you think its a good idea or not!!!! I was fuming, then we had years of trouble ttc and when I fell pregnant by surprise in Jan (I was actually off sick with stress at the time caused by the same bullying boss) when I came back to work and told him he said well that was suspisiously well timed of you, I guess you get to have your year long holiday then!!!!!!! Erm 2 things that make it not a holiday I hardly get any pay whilst on mat leave oh and I'll have a new born baby to run around after 24/7, not to mention it was hardly 'timed' more like a miracle that it happened at all!!!

I couldnt be bothered to fight him as I knew I will be handing my notice in when I finish maternity leave and finding a different job away from people like that, but I would so fight that b'tch of an MD and that cow of a colleague that you both have, smile at them nicely then get their asses reported!!!!!

 

[BabyNumber1]

OMG I couldnt actually believe i was reading this!!! How dare she say something as hurtful as that! At the end of the day you and your OH obviously wanted to start a family together otherwise maternity leave wouldnt be an issue!

This is bullying and its worse as its from the MD!!

I started my job Jan 2010 and found i was pregnant in December 2010... told my boss in January 2011 and start my maternity leave in a couple of weeks... I sometimes feel that people will be thinking im taking the p*ss and using the pregnancy card when im off sick but at the end of the day it affects peoples bodies differently... some people fly through it - ive had a rubbish time and had to have loads of time off sick but its one of those things! You cant help it and its not fair on her to be putting more stress on you as it could be harmful for the baby!

She needs to be reported or at least someone to have a word with her to tell her to tone it down a little!!

Rant over

 

[pringle88]

OMG I couldnt actually believe i was reading this!!! How dare she say something as hurtful as that! At the end of the day you and your OH obviously wanted to start a family together otherwise maternity leave wouldnt be an issue!

This is bullying and its worse as its from the MD!!

I started my job Jan 2010 and found i was pregnant in December 2010... told my boss in January 2011 and start my maternity leave in a couple of weeks... I sometimes feel that people will be thinking im taking the p*ss and using the pregnancy card when im off sick but at the end of the day it affects peoples bodies differently... some people fly through it - ive had a rubbish time and had to have loads of time off sick but its one of those things! You cant help it and its not fair on her to be putting more stress on you as it could be harmful for the baby!

She needs to be reported or at least someone to have a word with her to tell her to tone it down a little!!

Rant over

I know you are right but there is literally nobody to go to. I have been doing a bit of research and it looks as thought citizens advice bureau are the people to contact.

I work for a civil law firm and we have solicitors working for us so i might get one of their opinions...one of them has two young children so hopefully she will be supportive.

Yeah i know what you mean about it effecting everybody differently, you would think that with the MD being female she would understand more - she has two children of her own too!!

Ah well, i guess seeing peoples reactions on here has made me realise just how unacceptable she has been so i am deffo going to take it further.

Hope you are feeling better now

Thanks a lot xx

 

[Sarah13]

I'm really quite shocked! How rude! We're not living in the 50's we can have successful careers and babies now! I had my daughter at 21 just as I was starting my career, was never remotely an issue. Def get some back up as your job can't be given to someone else. She sounds a bit jealous to me, does she have children and a partner?

 

[Hemera]

Wow this thread has shocked my how mean some bosses can be. I thought when i read the title it would be about how helpful collegues have been with the more manual jobs etc not people thinking they can nose in on your life choices. I myself am planning on having kids now (i'm 25) then training to be a teacher and start that career when I'm about 30. Theres no reason at all why having kids should interfer with having a career and pregnant women are well protected by laws etc so don't let them bully you.

 

[Sarah13]

Just thinking about this again as I watched a tv programme last week about how so many of us leave it too late to have children, it almost seems society expects us to wait until our 30s to have kids and get on with or careers first yet it gets so hard to get pregnant after 35. I didnt realise how lucky i am to get pregnant at 35 until i watched this. Our most fertile time is in our 20s and yet there are people like your md who frown upon it!

 

[BabysMomma]

Just thinking about this again as I watched a tv programme last week about how so many of us leave it too late to have children, it almost seems society expects us to wait until our 30s to have kids and get on with or careers first yet it gets so hard to get pregnant after 35. I didnt realise how lucky i am to get pregnant at 35 until i watched this. Our most fertile time is in our 20s and yet there are people like your md who frown upon it!

Its absurd isn't it. I had my DS 14 years ago at the age of 19, and it took me near 10yrs to concieve again from when OH & I decided to try for a baby and were just leaving the whole conception thing to fate! And it wasn't as if my OH & I weren't having regular sex etc. We were, it just didn't happen. We actually broke up for a year, got back together at the end of Aug '10 and 3 months later I was pregnant with this LO at 33! I'd just resigned myself to thinking that it was never gona happen due to my age ticking by. You just never know and could end up leaving it too late to even try. x

 

[skeando]

This is shocking! Go see citizens advice. ACAS are an impartial body who can't comment on who is right or wrong, they are just supposed to try and help mediate between the two sides before a tribunal.

 

[mumkate]

I was sent home for looking tured when i felt fine it does hurt yir feelings pregnancy is not an ilness..

katewinters on fb

 

[pringle88]

Just wanted to post a quick update to let you know that we took your advice, we contacted CAB and their advice was to discuss the pregnancy and the effects it may or may not have with the MD. If she didnt change her tune the CAB would help us take it further. So that it what we did...

We both requested a meeting with her, firstly she told me she would meet me but Dan wasnt required (hes only the bloody father!!!) so we stood up to her and told her we would both be meeting her and we had invited HR along to make notes.

I told her i thought her behaviour towards the both of us had been out of order and she is adding to the stress of everything going on right now. We told her that we feel she is verging on bullying and we have been to the CAB for advice (she didnt like this as the CAB are currently causing our business a whole load of trouble!) We told her that we both hated coming to work and that we found her unapproachable, we explained that having this baby is what we wanted to do whether or not she thinks we are mature enough to do it (me being 22 and Dan being 26!!!)

She got all teary and said she is heartbroken that we could say those things to her and shes only ever tried to do her best for me!!! She said she sees me more of a daughter which is why she took it so personally.

Dan has told her that he is looking for another job because he doesnt want to be around it.

I received a text from her last night saying she is heartbroken and cannot stop thinking about how she has upset me!!!!

Anyway lets see if she is being geunine and has actually realised or is just running scared because ive mentioned the CAB!

Thank you all so much for your replies i deffo would not have confronted her if i hadnt have got your opinions so thank you xxx

 

[BabyNumber1]

You did the right thing in confronting her... she cant go round treating people like that...

To be honest i wouldnt fall for her 'upset' texts either... shes not being professional at all!! Surely bosses arent allowed to text their employees regarding a matter thats been taken further??

Good on you for standing up to her though!! She probably wasnt expecting it and thats why she has reacted in the way she has!!

Good luck to your OH on the job front too