Too overprotective?

[Helena84]

Hi all.
I'm not sure if this is the correct forum, but hoping others may have felt the same at some point.
Basically, my daughter was born 3 months ago and the first few weeks of her life were spent on NICU. Thankfully she's now fine and is progressing so well.
She's my first baby and I think I'm possibly being a little over protective* (possibly because of the way her life started).
My partner has another daughter who is 11. She's a great girl and dotes on her younger sister. The problem im having is letting his daughter hold her and lift her without panicking she's going to drop her. My partner doesn't understand my concerns. He's very keen (as am I) for her to be involved but I struggle when she's holding my daughter and shes not supporting her head correctly. I recently noticed her lifting her out of the* car seat and was petrified she was going to drop her. I mentioned it to my partner who said she's done it before* (I've never seen this before) and "she's not a child ". I still see an 11 year old as a child* (albeit not a young child).
When my daughter was born, I said to my partner that I do want his daughter involved but she can only hold her while one of us is in the same room and she can push the buggy but not along main roads. My partner seems to take a rather laid back attitude and turns it back on me and that im being too harsh. I possibly am, but has anyone else been in a similar position? I really don't want to come across as a bad person and I wish I was more laid back.

 

[Kholl]

I don't think it's possible to be laid back about your first baby... I was a freaking wreck, I was constantly imagining her being dropped or some awful thing happening, it's a primal protective instinct that is wonderful to have (and will keep your baby alive!) but of course it does rob a mother of perspective!

If it helps, when I was 11 I was babysitting, including newborns and infant twins. Like, babysitting while the parents were out for many hours, and I gave bottles and did bedtime etc. Obviously kids are different and some kids are much more responsible than others, but remember that this girl loves your baby like a sister, and has an instinct to protect her as well. And your partner's faith is a good indication that she is probably quite capable!

It's wonderful you are so protective, but I think it is healthy to weigh your partner's perspective heavily here. You should still have your say and it's absolutely fair to want to be present whenever his daughter is holding the baby, but overall I think what the 11-year-old is doing is safe and ok.

Also, motherhood isn't really about becoming more laid back as it is about allowing our children to go out into the world and take risks EVEN THOUGH we are terrified beyond belief. Of course a 3-month-old is utterly dependent on you and it's good to be quite protective at this stage. Still, I just want to reassure you that it sounds like she is in very good hands and it's healthy to let your baby's big sister take on those responsibilities - and trust she will take them very seriously.

 

[Chase]

It really depends on the 11 year old. I'd say take baby steps building up your trust with her. My son. Was 4 weeks early and spent some time in nicu and on oxygen at home. I even panicked when my husband lifted him! My second child practically got thrown around �� trust comes with time, be kind to yourself and give it more time

 

[Helena84]

Thank you ladies ��

 

[tinselcat]

I'd be feeling like you xx