Toddler Q..How would you deal with this?

[katie05]

My little boy is generally a good boy but when he;s not and does something thats not acceptable (like, for instance, repeatedly throw his dinner on the floor!) and i tell him 'no' he grabs the nearest thing to him and throws it or pushes it off the table in a temper. He's just hates been told no and ive tried distracting him but there are times when you need to say no and tell them off. Ive noticed he hates been told not to do something even if its lighthearted like if i tell him not to pick his sister up (as shes only 3 weeks!)
He just cant handle being told no. Any ideas on how you would handle it? Do you think its just his age (2.5..terrible twos?) and that he'll grow out of this?

 

[fran_23]

Hayden does that too- well if i tell him no for instance if he has picked up something of mine and i say no put it down-
he throws it on the floor- i think its just his age, i come down to his level take his hand and firmly say "no Hayden you do not throw things" i just hope if i keep doing that he will get the message eventually!

 

[kelsey]

yes, i think its his age and coz he's getting a reaction. my one will be 2 next month and he does th throwing his dinner thing, along with the spoon and everything he can lay his hands on. he waits to see if anyone has seen it and if the older 2 will laugh. its got a bit easier since the older 2 ignore him, its just the other things that cause a problem. obviously you cant ignore him picking the baby up. not quite sure how to deal with that one

 

[Sherlock]

I try to use alternatives to 'No' as it becomes a very negative thing and is used so much, even if we don't realise we are saying it. Eventually it has no impact whatsoever other than to cause a negative reaction.

I try other ways of saying no. Like 'Please don't do that'. I try to use a positive in there somewhere. Then when 'no.....' is wheeled out for something in a stearner voice it has more impact. Going straight to no LO's soon learn it gets a reaction and may well react to it in a negative way. If you are more positive about things, but still asking them to not do something it can have a different effect.

Hopefully I've explained it ok. Reading it back I'm not sure I have, but its late and I'm tired

Of course it might not work for you. But I've found it good when nannying and I'll do the same with my own.

 

[Squiglet]

I try to use alternatives to 'No' as it becomes a very negative thing and is used so much, even if we don't realise we are saying it. Eventually it has no impact whatsoever other than to cause a negative reaction.

I try other ways of saying no. Like 'Please don't do that'. I try to use a positive in there somewhere. Then when 'no.....' is wheeled out for something in a stearner voice it has more impact. Going straight to no LO's soon learn it gets a reaction and may well react to it in a negative way. If you are more positive about things, but still asking them to not do something it can have a different effect.

Hopefully I've explained it ok. Reading it back I'm not sure I have, but its late and I'm tired

Of course it might not work for you. But I've found it good when nannying and I'll do the same with my own.

Thats exactly what I would do with Tia... Please don't do that. Could you not touch that. Can I have that instead... or my favourite.. Thats for me thank you... I couldn't be negative with Tia either...I also found whispering when telling her off had a different effect too... You just have to out smart these toddlers..

 

[Becky]

I go with Sherlock's tactic too but try and explain why: "Please don't do that, it's mad a mess that we will have to tidy" etc. I found Lucy hates just being told "No" but if she has a reason why not to do something she handles it better. If she does it again I say "I've asked you nicely not to do that please". On the third go I say that if she does it one more time then she'll have to sit on the step or if it's near to bedtime I'll say that if she can't be good then she won't have a bedtime story - she adores reading stories and having a cuddle and most of the time we don't have to go through with it.

 

[Sherlock]

Yup explaining why is also good once they are old enough to understand. Keep it simple as too much information can mean your message gets lost in translation.

 

[Happybunny]

I think it is quite important not to use 'no' or 'don't' too much, as Sherlock said, it does lose it's effect.
I have found in Nurseries and schools I have taught at, stating what you want rather that what you don't want can be helpful.

e.g. Billy is shouting and you want him to stop. Instead of 'don't shout' or 'stop it' etc, you could say, in a calm and quiet way 'Use a quiet voice please?'

If Billy is throwing his toys across the room, instead of 'no' or 'don't do that' you could say 'Put your toys away carefully/tidily/nicely etc.'

I have an example of it working for me - my OH's cousin's 5 year old child kept jumping on me whilst I was pregnant. OH's family kept shouting 'no' and 'don't jump on Michelle.' It just made her do it more. I told her to get onto my lap carefully. She did as I asked on several occassions.

Obviously it isn't a cure all and it may not help with a toddler hell bent on getting your attention by doing the opposite of what you ask, but reducing the need to say 'no' or 'don't' on a general level will make it more effective when you have to use it.

 

[Sassyminx]

My little boy is generally a good boy but when he;s not and does something thats not acceptable (like, for instance, repeatedly throw his dinner on the floor!) and i tell him 'no' he grabs the nearest thing to him and throws it or pushes it off the table in a temper. He's just hates been told no and ive tried distracting him but there are times when you need to say no and tell them off. Ive noticed he hates been told not to do something even if its lighthearted like if i tell him not to pick his sister up (as shes only 3 weeks!)
He just cant handle being told no. Any ideas on how you would handle it? Do you think its just his age (2.5..terrible twos?) and that he'll grow out of this?

finley does this most of the day and he is only 18mths. We try telling him no and he just throws a tantrum, usually throws himself on the floor and or throws toys in anger.

We just tell him he is naughty and then ignore him, which usually ends up in a 2min cry then he shuts up as realises he doesnt get anywhere.

Hope he grows out of it

 

[Becky]

Lucy was told by her dad yesterday that if she couldn't behave herself - then she'd have to go sit on the naughty step. So off she went to sit on the step!

It was soooooo hard keeping a straight "we are not impressed" face, I had to walk out of the room to have a good laugh!