Tigeress
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Hey girlies.
So today should of been the day i had my last baby. I was due today.. Sucks.. Im sitting here inbetween my calls for work (Im a home carer) and i just feel like poop.
What should of been the best day of my life, is empty, cold and even though the sun is shining, ive closed all the curtains and im laying on the sofa with my laptop, blankie and a cup of tea.
This mc was horrendous compared to my first, i was 11 weeks and 2 days gone. Suffered with the most awful contractions and labour pains, i mean.. Would of been worth it if a baby had been at the end of it. My partner back then was violent and although he wasnt the reason i lost the baby i still do blame him because of the undeniable stress he put on me and the upset he caused me. Then when i mc, i was on my own and i had to crawl about the house because i couldnt find the phone to ring anyone, my partner was at work!!! He did come home early and i was in the middle of labour pains and he hit me. I know.. So i left that day and went back to my old flat (i had kept it as back up! And thank GOD i had done) Where i continued through the mc on my own, on a mattress with just a tv in the room. It was such a bad time. I was in and out of a and e because i was bleeding to heavily and realised the sac was coming out in pieces. Which is why the whole process took so long. the paremedics were amazing that night and the next couple of times.
My friend would cook me meals and bring them down to me as i couldnt move, slowly as the pains subsided but were still there. I started to just be able to move about and go to the shops ever so slowly.
I bled for four weeks in total and got my period around 6 weeks later.
When the mc was confirmed, i saw the baby at the bottum of my womb, was spose to be 11 weeks and 2 days but baby only measured 8 weeks. and it was strange in a way because for a couple of weeks before i mc i didnt feel pregnant. It was like my body told me before i already knew.
I can still picture the baby laying there. Damn.. i saw a little nose and tiny hands. But no heartbeat.
Anyway im rambling now and going from one thing to another. Will be lighting a candle tonight and doing my remembrance. I guess sometimes we make them to perfect and God decides to take them back...
Heres a pic of my little bean at 7 weeks and 2 days, i had a private scan done and paid for as i had already had a mc, at this scan everything was fine, i saw baby, heart and even saw heart beating. I guess the baby stopped growing a week later.
R.I.P My angel, see you again one day - itll just be longer then we hoped
xx
P.S im not with my ex partner anymore, the man in my pic is my wonderful life saving fiancee
So today should of been the day i had my last baby. I was due today.. Sucks.. Im sitting here inbetween my calls for work (Im a home carer) and i just feel like poop.
What should of been the best day of my life, is empty, cold and even though the sun is shining, ive closed all the curtains and im laying on the sofa with my laptop, blankie and a cup of tea.
This mc was horrendous compared to my first, i was 11 weeks and 2 days gone. Suffered with the most awful contractions and labour pains, i mean.. Would of been worth it if a baby had been at the end of it. My partner back then was violent and although he wasnt the reason i lost the baby i still do blame him because of the undeniable stress he put on me and the upset he caused me. Then when i mc, i was on my own and i had to crawl about the house because i couldnt find the phone to ring anyone, my partner was at work!!! He did come home early and i was in the middle of labour pains and he hit me. I know.. So i left that day and went back to my old flat (i had kept it as back up! And thank GOD i had done) Where i continued through the mc on my own, on a mattress with just a tv in the room. It was such a bad time. I was in and out of a and e because i was bleeding to heavily and realised the sac was coming out in pieces. Which is why the whole process took so long. the paremedics were amazing that night and the next couple of times.
My friend would cook me meals and bring them down to me as i couldnt move, slowly as the pains subsided but were still there. I started to just be able to move about and go to the shops ever so slowly.
I bled for four weeks in total and got my period around 6 weeks later.
When the mc was confirmed, i saw the baby at the bottum of my womb, was spose to be 11 weeks and 2 days but baby only measured 8 weeks. and it was strange in a way because for a couple of weeks before i mc i didnt feel pregnant. It was like my body told me before i already knew.
I can still picture the baby laying there. Damn.. i saw a little nose and tiny hands. But no heartbeat.
Anyway im rambling now and going from one thing to another. Will be lighting a candle tonight and doing my remembrance. I guess sometimes we make them to perfect and God decides to take them back...
Heres a pic of my little bean at 7 weeks and 2 days, i had a private scan done and paid for as i had already had a mc, at this scan everything was fine, i saw baby, heart and even saw heart beating. I guess the baby stopped growing a week later.
R.I.P My angel, see you again one day - itll just be longer then we hoped
xx
P.S im not with my ex partner anymore, the man in my pic is my wonderful life saving fiancee
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