This really bothers me, what do you think?

[Tangerinedream]

Jake is at the age where he is into everything and has got himself a properr little temper. Because he doesnt understand what he is and isnt allowed to do, what s safe and dangerous etc we are often having to take things off him or move him away from things and he will flap his arms or claps in anger (it cracks me up every time ). when this happens I say no, move him away and give hime something else to do, play with etc as a distraction. My OH has started to tap him lightly and shouts no. It really upsets me when he does it. He shouted really loud in Jakes face the other day and it made me cry, I think even OH thought it was too much. Anyway it bothers me because although I dont disagree with smacking, I think it only works as a punishment for some types of behaviour and only works at a certain age, and I dont think smacking a 1 year old baby, no matter how gently (isnt smacking meant to be a short sharp shock... how is gently smacking a punishment?), is approptiate and I really dont like it. I have told him that it isnt going to do anything except wind me up every time but he doesnt listen.

Sorry for going on. I just wanted to know if Im being stupid by being bothered by this.

 

[lauramumof2]

I dont really think it does any good. Im guilty of shouting, and it gets me nowhere. By the time they get to Joes age they shout back. I think what you are doing, moving him away is right.

 

[valentine]

I'd be bothered too - it sounds like you and OH need to have a 'how are we going to discipline Jake' chat as you definitely need to be on the same page here.

I definitely don't agree with smacking a 1 year old, gentle or not and its not going to have any effect except frighten Jake. I think the way you are dealing with things sounds like the way to go.

td

Valentine Xxx

 

[budge]

no you're not silly at all.
Its very hard to know how to discipline a little child of that age.
It can be VERY frustrating when they are repeatedly doing the same thing over and over again even though you tell them a thousand times a day to NOT DO IT!!!!

Baby Budge is at a similar age and right now we are having power struggles and wars of wills. i won't lie and say ive not lost the plot a few times and yelled at her . But it only makes the matter worse don't you think? It doesn't actually solve the situation.

The only thing i find that works each and everytime is distraction - simple distraction.
For example if Baby Budge is taking my lumps of coal off the fire ( rahhhh) which she does on a daily basis. Instead of making a huge hoo har of it i say some thing like ''OOOOOOOO rachael whats that outside'' in a really over excited silly voice. She will run over to the rocking chair at the window and stand on it to look out. While shes doing that i replace the coal and then i go and see what i can see out the window . Even if its as boring as a sparrow on the fence.

Next time your OH seems to be losing the plot with Jake try and do the defusing by distraction. OH will soon click on and copy you (the thickos always do - they catch on quick). Shouting at Jake will only frighten him and possibly make him aggressive too.

Never think how you are feeling is silly though.

 

[lauramumof2]

Next time your OH seems to be losing the plot with Jake try and do the defusing by distraction. OH will soon click on and copy you (the thickos always do - they catch on quick). .

her oh will be over at the window first

 

[budge]

Next time your OH seems to be losing the plot with Jake try and do the defusing by distraction. OH will soon click on and copy you (the thickos always do - they catch on quick). .

her oh will be over at the window first

WAY!!!!

 

[Tangerinedream]

Next time your OH seems to be losing the plot with Jake try and do the defusing by distraction. OH will soon click on and copy you (the thickos always do - they catch on quick). .

her oh will be over at the window first

WAY!!!!

Thanks guys you lot male me laugh so much

 

[rusks]

i have to confess its the other way round in our house. OH is the gentle patient one and i am the one with the short fuse, i take lukes behaviour so personally.

i have slapped his hands a few times especially when he has repeatedly hit another child after i say no and believe me he knows what no means. i'm not proud of it at all but i must say it does no good infact i think it encourages them to hit more if anything and i do have to stop myself from doing it.

i now put luke in another room and walk out myself to calm down, he tends to respond more to the lack of attention from waht he is doing. if he hits someone else i will make a fuss of them and not him. i'm very embarrassed to confess this but can i just say in your OHs defence it is so hard when you have short fuse - the best thing he can do like i do is walk away but like valentine said you both need to be consistent with the discipline. we need to find a balance as OH is way too soft with luke!!

 

[Xena]

We don't do much in the way of disciplining Alex yet but we do tell him to be quiet a lot if he's in a temper, and we say 'no' if he's grabbing something he shouldn't.

Lydia gets shouted at and the odd smacked bum if she's being naughty.

 

[Tangerinedream]

but i must say it does no good infact i think it encourages them to hit more if anything and

That is what I have said to OH- how do you expect to set the example not to hit when you are smacking him!

can i just say in your OHs defence it is so hard when you have short fuse

Thats the thing though- he doesnt do it in temper, he is perfectly calm. Its not like he loses it and smacks Jake hard, it is honestly a tiny tap but it is what it represents that bothers me.

Im no saint and do lose my temper sometimes and Im sure there will be times when I lose my rag with Jake and shout and smack him, but what OH does isnt out of temper. I think he was brought up in a really strict environment where he got the slipper when he was naughty so it is just normal to him. He just doesnt realise that it is pointless trying to discipline a baby. I on the other hand only remember being smacked about 3 times ( ) and it is not a normal thing for me.

 

[Kylie1007]

I would say that as his mother, if you aren't happy with anything, then he should respect your wishes.

 

[Misslarue]

i have to confess its the other way round in our house. OH is the gentle patient one and i am the one with the short fuse, i take lukes behaviour so personally.

Me too. I am strict and very old school in my approach. I can't help it, its just the way I am! Dan went through a phase of hitting me in the face. I'll be honest, I really wanted to hit him back but OH does not believe in hitting so I have to respect that. Once you hit them, you can't take it back. You are def not being silly hun. I agree with Valentine, You need to talk to your OH and decide together how you will discipline Jake and both stick to it.
I am glad I reframed from smacking Dan (although at the time I wasn't!) as we use the 'praise good, ignore bad' and it's starting to pay off.

 

[chickadee1976]

I smacked Cameron when he was little, not often and usually only when doing something dangerous, i generally felt bad after and ended up giving him a cuddle which kinda defeted the purpose.

These days he does what he is told with a stern look, he still has an answer back for everything but i let it roll of.

I cant see me smacking this one as im older and supposedly more relaxed about things.

Think me and Brian will have disagreements about discipline, he thinks im to harsh and i think his son just rips the total piss out of him and gets away with murder(bri cant even see it happening)

Drives me nuts that im always the bad one