Think i'm going to have a total breakdown...*update*

[KJL]

I just feel like I can't cope anymore and I don't know what to do. I suffered with depression at the end of my pregnancy and thought it would improve once Layla was born but i'm just sinking even further. I have always been very insecure about my body image and i'm feeling so depressed about the changes in my body and anxious about my husband seeing me. I can hardly eat and am losing weight so quickly, I am tired all the time and have to drag myself out of bed in the mornings as I just feel i can't face another day. I love Lalya to bits but I just feel like i'm totally hopeless...how can I be a good mum when I feel so depressed? I can't cope with talking to anyone or seeing people and i'm feeling so isolated. I have never been depressed in the past so this is all new to me. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I don't know how and if I can get through this...I really feel at the end of my tether and i'm just not sure where I go to from here...I'm really feeling like I can't go on anymore.

I'm not sure what to do and if I will get over this? Sorry for the big moan, i just find it hard to talk to friends and family about my feelings and i'm just not sure what to do

 

[Jen & Her Men]

First of all

I think you need to talk to someone hun - go and see your doctor and speak to him about how your feeling and he may refer you to a councillor or give you some meds if you are open to that,

I just wanted to say though, dont beat yourself up too much. I dont think anything can prepare us for motherhood and it is a total shock to the system.
I have found it hard going because its such a massive change from how i used to be. Im house bound cos i had a c section and dont see a soul for 14 hrs a day until DH gets in from work. It has really got me down and some days i feel so depressed and im sure loads of other ladies feel the same in the first few weeks - being a mummy is a magical experience but its also very overwhelming and you need to be able to talk to someone.
For me, I called my Mum and had a good cry to her and to my best friend and once i explained how i felt it did me good and they are more helpful because they see I need a bit more assistance than what i was getting. I understand you find it hard to talk to friends or relatives so let it all out here or talk to a professional. But if you can find the strength to talk to relatives I would really suggest you do as us new Mummies definitely need a support network - its sooooo much harder without one.
Finally, I can also sympathise with you about the change in your body. I have had a good cry about my stretchers and ginormous boobies that hang to my waist! But I know given time and effort they will go down and improve and im trying to think really positively and Im excited about the thought of being able to exercise again and being in control of my body for the first time in 10 months!! Maybe you could set yourself goals of getting out the house for a walk with Layla once a day - the fresh air will do you good, exercise is well known to naturally help depression, and it will help you start to get your figure back.
I try and get out with James once a day and go for a little walk down the road and each day i can go a little further and starting to feel more like my old self. It has defintely helped my state of mind!
Anyway, I will stop rambling on now. Hope this helps babe.

 

[LucyBee]

Poor you.

Those early days are SO SO tough. Just remember that you've been through a hell of a lot in the past few months so don't beat yourself up about feeling bad.

I had depression before Tom was born and was diagnosed with PND afterwards. Being depressed makes a hard job even harder.

Could you talk to your doctor or HV? Sometimes it helps just to talk things through.

Don't feel bad for feeling this way. It's really hard at the beginning but it does get better. People used to say that to me all the time but I couldn't see it then but I promise you, they're right. When things settle down and you both get to know one another, things will seem brighter. In the meantime though, please please thing about talking to someone so you're not alone through this.

PM me any time.
Lucyx

 

[Lou]

You're not alone. There are so many girls on here who are feeling or have felt the same as you, me included. You have to go for help hun, if not for yourself do it for your LO. I know its the last thing you want to do but its for the best and as soon as you've sat down at the doctors and spoken about it trust me its like a weight being lifted. Theres nothing wrong with needing help, its happens to the best of us, and for some of us help is in the form of medication or counselling or both but initially you have to make the first move to get that help.

Really hope you feel better soon

 

[KJL]

thank you ladies for the kind words and support, my husband came home from work today as I totally couldn't cope with anything today. I've totally hit rock bottom now and know I have to do something about it. I just really feel like there's no way out of feeling like this My husband is going to take me to the GP this wk and I'm going to discuss some type of medication. I just feel emotionally and physically like a mess and also so guilty for feeling like this when I have a beautiful healthy baby. Also I feel such a burden to my husband who is having to literally do everything at the moment as i'm not functioning. At the moment I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel and am missing the person I used to be...hopefully things will get better.

 

[LucyBee]

Brilliant that you're going to your GP. Also ask if there is a PND support group near you. I go to one and it has been a MASSIVE help. Also really good to meet other Mums who have been or are going through the same thing. It sounds like you have a really supportive husband which is great too. I KNOW how you feel. I've been there. Like Lou says, there are loads of us on here who have been through the same thing. The key is to get help early and be very honest with your doctor about how you feel. Talk, talk, talk as much as you can about how you feel. You're not alone and you WILL feel better soon. Just take each day as it comes right now and hang on in there.
I remember when I hit rock bottom when Tom was about 4 weeks. It was probably the worst I've ever felt in my life but I came out of the other side and can look back on it now as a fairly distant memory.
BIG hugs. You're really brave.
Lucy xxxx

 

[KJL]

Brilliant that you're going to your GP. Also ask if there is a PND support group near you. I go to one and it has been a MASSIVE help. Also really good to meet other Mums who have been or are going through the same thing. It sounds like you have a really supportive husband which is great too. I KNOW how you feel. I've been there. Like Lou says, there are loads of us on here who have been through the same thing. The key is to get help early and be very honest with your doctor about how you feel. Talk, talk, talk as much as you can about how you feel. You're not alone and you WILL feel better soon. Just take each day as it comes right now and hang on in there.
I remember when I hit rock bottom when Tom was about 4 weeks. It was probably the worst I've ever felt in my life but I came out of the other side and can look back on it now as a fairly distant memory.
BIG hugs. You're really brave.
Lucy xxxx

thank you Lucy, it does help to know that I am not the only one who is or has gone through this. I feel like i'm going through a period of mourning for my old self if that makes sense. I love my little girl to pieces, and of course she's worth all the physical changes pregnancy causes but I just feel like I can't cope with or haven't come to term with those changes yet. My husband loves me no matter what but I just feel so unnatractive right now and can't see myself ever feeling confident again about my body and self. My husband is taking me to see my GP tomorrow morning so hopefully she will be able to help. I'm just a bit worried as I'm breast feeding and I can't eat or keep much down at the moment so i'm worried Layla is going to suffer nutritionally. I wondering whether BF is the best thing right now if she potentially isn't getting what she needs from me. I guess I'll ask the GP all this tomo.

It's so odd what PG does to you, I've never been depressed before and i've always been strong, stoic and incredibly optimistic about everything in life. I hate how this depression is effecting people around me...it feels so selfish. My husband and parents are so worried and my friends keep leaving message wondering where I have disappeared too. Eughhhh I hate myself right now

 

[amzhunny]

Hun i found it it all so overwhelming at first and it did take me a while to start getting everything under control. I do think like the others have said you need to get it all out to somebody relieving all the tension you are carrying around can make such a difference.

I know exactly how you are feeling about your body image, and Amber is now 6 1/2 months and i have started thankfully getting on the right road to gettng my figure back. It has taken a long time and effort and it did take me to accept it was going to take time in order to start seeing some results.

You are stronger than you think hun and you LO will give you even more strength...

 

[Lou]

Its not you doing this to yourself, its an illness that needs treatment hun. I went really weird for a while, I couldn't even focus my eyes properly, everything looked far away, it was so scary so I understand how you feel, I really do. Although it doesn't feel like it now you will get better. Theres lots of help available for you. Tell the doctor everything and if you need medication then so be it, its not a cop out or a sign of weakness, medication is there to help balance you back out and help you get back to normal. The counselling you may have will help you come to terms with the changes that have happened to you and how to deal with PND.

Good luck at the doctors, let us know how you get on

 

[KJL]

Its not you doing this to yourself, its an illness that needs treatment hun. I went really weird for a while, I couldn't even focus my eyes properly, everything looked far away, it was so scary so I understand how you feel, I really do. Although it doesn't feel like it now you will get better. Theres lots of help available for you. Tell the doctor everything and if you need medication then so be it, its not a cop out or a sign of weakness, medication is there to help balance you back out and help you get back to normal. The counselling you may have will help you come to terms with the changes that have happened to you and how to deal with PND.

Good luck at the doctors, let us know how you get on

Went to the Dr's this morning and the minute I sat down she said "you look totally miserable, I'm here to help you"...after a lot of discussion she said it's definately clinical depression and I needed help. She took some blood to rule out thyroid conditions or anemia just to make sure that wasn't adding to the depression and weight loss. She has put me on anti-depressents (citalopram). She also gave me her mobile phone number and has told me that she wants me to call her every day and then come back and see her next wed.
She was so lovely and gave me a big hug when I left and said she went through the same thing and she would help me through it. Having my husband there with me too also helped. She told me not to force myself to do things at the moment and just to look after myself and go for a walk every day to lift my spirits. She reassured me that it was a medical condition and how I am feeling is not my fault and I shouldn't feel guilty.

I feel like i'm pretty much as rock bottom right now, emotionally and physically, but I am overwhelmed at the amazing support that my GP is giving me and I hope the medication will start helping me get back on track.

 

[Rubys mummy]

Oh sweetie here

I can honestly say I hated the first 6 weeks of being a mum...I felt so out of control and unsure of everything.

I have suffered depression in the past, and went to see my GP after a few weeks of her birth..I went on medication which helped me enormously and I turned a corner really at 6 weeks.

You are not alone feeling like this, its very very normal and we are all here to listen and offer support-you dont have to ever feel like this on your own. Never be afraid to talk about how you are feeling xxxxxxxx

 

[Lou]

Its not you doing this to yourself, its an illness that needs treatment hun. I went really weird for a while, I couldn't even focus my eyes properly, everything looked far away, it was so scary so I understand how you feel, I really do. Although it doesn't feel like it now you will get better. Theres lots of help available for you. Tell the doctor everything and if you need medication then so be it, its not a cop out or a sign of weakness, medication is there to help balance you back out and help you get back to normal. The counselling you may have will help you come to terms with the changes that have happened to you and how to deal with PND.

Good luck at the doctors, let us know how you get on

Went to the Dr's this morning and the minute I sat down she said "you look totally miserable, I'm here to help you"...after a lot of discussion she said it's definately clinical depression and I needed help. She took some blood to rule out thyroid conditions or anemia just to make sure that wasn't adding to the depression and weight loss. She has put me on anti-depressents (citalopram). She also gave me her mobile phone number and has told me that she wants me to call her every day and then come back and see her next wed.
She was so lovely and gave me a big hug when I left and said she went through the same thing and she would help me through it. Having my husband there with me too also helped. She told me not to force myself to do things at the moment and just to look after myself and go for a walk every day to lift my spirits. She reassured me that it was a medical condition and how I am feeling is not my fault and I shouldn't feel guilty.

I feel like i'm pretty much as rock bottom right now, emotionally and physically, but I am overwhelmed at the amazing support that my GP is giving me and I hope the medication will start helping me get back on track.

That is great news It makes a world of difference when you have a fantastic GP. I am on citalopram too and they have really helped me. The only thing you need to be wary of is that they can make you feel worse before you feel better but to be honest hun if you say you've hit rock bottom then you probably can't feel any worse than you do right now so its all onward and upward from now on When you read the leaflet in the box it will tell you how the tablets work anyway so theres nothing to worry about. You must be feeling so relieved now you've made the first move, thats the hardest bit over now hun, just concentrate on getting better now We are all here for you

 

[Warley]

Hey KJL

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low, I know what you need...a good long ride (and I don't mean the kinky sort!), I wonder if you could get OH to look after Layla and go to a local riding school maybe...I must admit it is the only thing that would sort me out at the minute, if it wasn't for my stitches!

Also, and I know I am going to get slated for saying this, but I was at the end of my tether when I was trying to breastfeed - after coming to terms with the fact I am not a failure (after a lot of support from people on here!) I felt so much better now my boobs arn't sore, huge and leaking all the time. Also I can just give him to OH in a evening to feed him when I have spent the whole day and need a rest from him. I am not saying that you are depressed because of that, it's just I felt so much better after I stopped and you are not continually worrying about what you are eating and the quality of your milk.....obviously some people cope with it better than others!

Get well soon

 

[LucyBee]

Went to the Dr's this morning and the minute I sat down she said "you look totally miserable, I'm here to help you"...after a lot of discussion she said it's definately clinical depression and I needed help. She took some blood to rule out thyroid conditions or anemia just to make sure that wasn't adding to the depression and weight loss. She has put me on anti-depressents (citalopram). She also gave me her mobile phone number and has told me that she wants me to call her every day and then come back and see her next wed.
She was so lovely and gave me a big hug when I left and said she went through the same thing and she would help me through it. Having my husband there with me too also helped. She told me not to force myself to do things at the moment and just to look after myself and go for a walk every day to lift my spirits. She reassured me that it was a medical condition and how I am feeling is not my fault and I shouldn't feel guilty.

I feel like i'm pretty much as rock bottom right now, emotionally and physically, but I am overwhelmed at the amazing support that my GP is giving me and I hope the medication will start helping me get back on track.

So so glad your doctor was so nice. That's half the battle...to find a good and understanding doctor. Brilliant. I'm so pleased you went.

I'm on Citalopram too. They take a couple of weeks to start working but I found my anxiety went away quite quickly on them. Someone told me that they treat the anxiety first.

When you said you feel like you're mourning the loss of your old self, I can completely relate to that. That's how I felt. I missed the old me and my old life and I couldn't come to terms with such an enormous change. I think that's normal so don't worry.

Also, please try not to feel bad about your OH and your family. If you had had a fall and broken an arm and leg, they would all rally round and you wouldn't feel bad about that. Depression is an illness too and just because you can't see physical symptoms, doesn't mean you're not ill so just take all the support you can get at the moment and if you don't feel like visitors or picking up the phone then THAT'S FINE! I went in to hiding for quite a while as I felt so bad. Nobody blamed me and when I felt better and was able to explain, everyone was very understanding.

Just take it easy on yourself now. You've taken a big step towards getting better and it will happen sooner than you can imagine at the moment.

Big hugs. Lucyx xx

 

[jools221181]

Sorry you are feeling so low

I'm rubbish at advice but it sounds like you have a great gp! Just wanted to give you some hgs really!