'think about the baby'

[GBLiz]

it's suddenly clicked with my OH that i really shouldnt be stressing to much about the stuff going on with our life, he's concerned (same as i have been for weeks!!!) that i wont bond with the baby cos ive had my head too full to be mentally ready when she comes.

So he says now i have to take an hour out each day to think about the baby and 'think loving thoughts' ....thing is i'm really struggling! Every waking minute im searching for options for setting up the business - ive got to get the wheels in motion cos these things take months and we cant live how we're living with a baby for long. OH cant do it cos he's at work keeping us financially afloat until i find us our lucky break.

Even if i stop and chill out for a bit Im struggling to imagine actually having the baby in our life because i dont know where we'll be with her-!! all i can see is having a baby tucked under my arm along with all the rest of our luggage as we move about!

Ive got as far as the birth in my head , now i know a home birth is an option i can imagine that part but thats as far as ive got but i know most of you guys are looking futher forward and imagining and wanting your babies to be here and thinking about holding them..

should i be worried or am i and the baby gonna be ok? I've never regretted being pregnant for a second and i feel so blessed to be having a little girl with my husband who i love so much , im just scared, cos ive been shutting it all out out of necessity, i will be handed a baby and not feel anything

 

[Natural mamma]

there is an amazing book called birthing from within...with lots of simple gorgeous things to do in it to help prepare you for your baby.....i cannot recommend it enough

Birthing from within by Pam England

Don't stress xxxxxxx

 

[Ginnymarie]

hello
I am feeling the same. My life isn't as hectic a yours but it is full, I work full-time and commute and things at work are bad, 3 resignations and 3 maternity leave and I'm the most experienced person there right now. I ingwas so busy I forgot i was pregnant and even had a bump. I started crying to other oh saying i had neglected her.
i think and hope our instinct is so strong we will bond but even if we don't straight away we will, my mum said plenty of women pretend to bond but really inside they are feeling numb or afraid.
Do you have friends/family around who will support you and remember the forum will be here so there will be plenty of us feeling strange about everthing i bet.
take care and hope you feel better soonx

 

[GBLiz]

ginnymarie , its a relief to know im not the only one! Im relying on my instinct kicking in, it sounds silly but im so stupidly in love with my cat (dumb animal that she is!!)so i know Im capable of bonding with yowling needy creatures !! i just find it hard right now to feel anything when she's not here, and all these other issues are...

alsoi think part of me is still scared of something going wrong (like stillbirth) so i almost havent allowed myself to accept im having a baby yet..first i was waiting til 13 weeks, then 20 to make sure she was ok, then 26 so if she was born early she could survive....i'll believe it when she's here ...

natural momma i'lll have a search for that book thanks for the tip

 

[kalia]

Hmmm. I am very much looking forward to having baby (mostly because it means I won't be pregnant any more ) but I don't think loving thoughts to baby. I do give him into trouble if he kicks me hard

I love buying baby things but I only play with and look at them for 30 minutes after they arrive and that's it so I wonder how much of that is that I just like researching and buying things.

Trying to think of baby names has become a boring chore that we try to make our way through and we now have a list of names that are OK and we'll see when baby arrives.

I can't imagine what my baby will be like and I have assumed that to begin with he will look a bit like a squashed lizard as all newborn tend to . I don't imagine holding my baby.

I know that as soon as baby is here he or she will be my world and I will love them immeassurably and think they are the most beautiful thing in the world. I will think it was wonderful being pregnant even! I know this because it happens to everyone else. I have more affection towards my cat than to baby at the moment because I don't know baby at all. I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl But all that will change once baby is an independant being that I can see.

Don't get me wrong, I would be devistated if I lost baby But I can't imagine his or her future at a time when I can't buy lots of other things because I don't know if it's a boy or a girl I know I would bond better if I knew.

You are trying to sort out things for your little girl - just on a larger scale! You can't imagine how baby fits in to this because you have no experience of having a newborn. I have no idea what life will be like either. OH pictures taking baby to the park with his best friend whose wife is having a baby in September and other things to do with baby's life. I'm trying to work out if we need to buy another sofa as we are likely to have lots of visitors and other such practical problems. Different people think through things in different ways. But once you have your little girl in your arms you won't be able to think about anything else.

 

[GBLiz]

thanks for that Kalia, maybe i am normal after all, my OH always says im very pragmatic so maybe its just the way i do things

i did buy a little pink fluffy dressing gown to match mine today, now thats got to be bonding having matching outfits!

 

[kalia]

How sweet will you two look in matching dressing gowns!

 

[KJL]

No you are def not the only one It has been my biggest concern all the way through pregnancy...am I going to bond with my baby, how do I feel about her etc etc Like you I rationalise it by thinking about how much I love my animals, I am totally in love with my puppy and have been 100% committed to owning and caring for a horse for 10 yrs which takes tonnes of time and committment. I stress a lot about what life will be like after baby's born and often forget to imagine my new little bubs in the picture. I am excited like u too and am thrilled to be having a baby but I'm scared at this whole bond thing that people say you automatically have with your baby. Thing is I know I will fall in love with her when she's here. My mum has reassured me of that and said she had the same concerns too.

Also I think it's important to remember that some woman don't automatically bond with their babies and that is ok too. Some times it takes time to come to terms with it. I know that love will come automatically but sometimes maternal instinct takes a little while to kick in.

 

[timsmom]

I've had a really hectic six months with one thing and another and don't feel like I have bonded with baby either. We have already named him so if I talk to him I call him by name but that's it. I didn't bond with Tim when he was first born as I think I had not mentally accepted I was having a baby - self preservation I guess. I'm seeing a councsellor in the next couple of weeks as I have been feeling so low. I hope once I'm feeling a bit brighter the bonding thing will be much easier.

If you don't bond straight away, don't beat yoursellf up, it will happen in time and then you just feel guilty for not having bonded earlier!!

 

[Ginnymarie]

hi gymbabeliz
yes I feel very loving towards my cat too,,,,overly so if anything
I think everything will be fine but we just can't imagine it as we are working so hard to make our babies life good at the moment it saps our energy, I have had some time off sick and a slower pace has given me more time to think about my baby....however,....i keep on thinking about breastfeeding, not her so much, I am really worried about it and it dominates the nice idea of my baby....I have very tender nipples
daft i know !
It is a huge change and I'm not sure I am ready but will we ever be ready