The Adoption Thread

[snowbee]

I think it is rather sad that adoption isn't really considered to be an option for lots of ladies, they seem to push either termination or keeping the baby as the two main options now (or so my friend who has been in that situation tells me, obviously I have no personal experience).

Adoption really isn't for us, I can't see either of us changing our minds, certainly not if you have to keep in touch with the birth family as I feel that would be a constant reminder of what we couldn't do. My cousin in law has just adopted their second (and they got both as babies, which I believe is unusual), they are very happy but also have had two children already so they have got to experience pregnancy and all associated bits and bobs that I'm desperate to have, for me that is such a massive part of having children. I don't know maybe further down the line it is something we will have to re-evaluate but for now we want to keep trying.

 

[phonixgirl]

My DH wasn't on board with adoption but when I asked if it was the only way, he said yes.

I don't like the idea of keeping in touch with the family but the lady at work who adopted a baby girl (after having IUI and IVF unsuccessfully) just sends a letter once a year or so. The birth mother isn't bothered and has loads of children, also adopted out. As I said, six months or so later she got pregnant naturally which was amazing and the girls actually look alike. She was obviously meant to be with them. X

 

[MariaIsabella]

My DH is completely on board with adoption.. probably more than me. I assume I would be if we definitely can't have one of our own. I don't like the idea of having to keep in touch with birth mother either but assume its better for the baby in the end?

I think I will look more into adopting from another country as well

 

[Syd43]

Hi ladies, I've just come across this thread. I'm a foster carer, so no experience of adopting directly but did start to look into it a while ago via the council I foster through. I've never heard of adopted children having to stay in contact with the birth family other than some having what they call letterbox contact - they send a letter to the birth mother (or other family member) once a year. Two close friends have recently adopted in two different areas, one was a baby under 1 and there's no contact with the birth family whatsoever, the other may have letterbox contact, I can't quite remember but certainly no more than that.

 

[Blueflower]

Yes its a shame girls don't seem to be given the option of adoption so much these days unless the baby is removed for safety reasons.
I agree that being pregnant is a huge part of being a mum, but if adoption was our only option then we would do that rather than be childless.
Yearly letterbox contact is normal but do your foster children have direct sibling contact too Syd?

 

[Syd43]

Foster children do blueflower but not adopted children as far as I'm aware. The adopted children of the two lots of friends I mentioned above have siblings but no contact. A sibling group that I used to look after regularly have been adopted separately and have siblings still in care but no contact. I'm assuming if they decide they want contact when they're older social services will facilitate that.

 

[Blueflower]

Oh that's interesting, thank you!

 

[phonixgirl]

My friend's daughter has lots of siblings but they only make the letterbox contact with the mother. All the other siblings are adopted out and don't keep in contact with each other. X