The ‘right’ age to have children according to society!

[Blueflower]

The ‘right’ age to have children according to society:

You mustn’t have a baby when you are a teenager as it ruins your life.
You mustn’t have a baby in your early twenties because you have to get an education.
You mustn’t have a baby in your mid twenties because you have to establish a career.
You mustn’t have a baby after age 35 as you will be too old, your eggs will be poor quality, you are likely to have trouble conceiving, if you do get pregnant you won’t have enough energy & the baby is likely to be born with problems.
If you have a baby when you are 33 or 34 you will only have time for one child! If you are 32 you need to hurry up! No pressure or anything!
So you should only have a baby when you are 27, 28, 29, 30, or 31.
You must be in a secure relationship. You might have had a great relationship 5 years ago but if you’re single now, tough.
Your partner also needs to want children straight away.
You must be able to afford to pay the mortgage on one wage.
So, what are you waiting for?!

 

[millielaura]

SO TRUE!!!!
I think the whole concept annoys me at least once a day lol!!
Doctors tell me and OH "you have loads of time - people in their 30s and 40s have kids ". I'm like yes when I hit 30 you'l probs consider me as old! Literally cannot win and that's just at the doctors haha society in general is even worse!
Also about weddings lol atm people say to me ooh don't have children before your wedding and then after the wedding it will be like... where is the baby!? Haha.
Xx

 

[Clementine]

So very true on all accounts Blueflower, it drives me mad whenever anyone over the age of 40 wants to have a baby they're accused that they put their career before having babies - the reality in most cases is they just didn't meet the right man. I had long term relationships in the past but I only was hit with the desire to have a baby when I met my husband back in 2010. It was the first time that I realised what it meant to be in a relationship that was easy - from very early on I knew we would get married and I hoped we would be blessed with a baby.

Also it vexes me so much that a woman over 40 can be considered too old to raise a child, my parents were older when they had me, thankfully both my parents come from families were living to a very old age is prevalent, my eldest aunt is 98 and has just come back from a 3 month holiday with her daughter in Europe, she is a great grandmother many times over. My Mum has a further 4 sisters ranging from 85 to 95 who are all healthy, still drive, all live independently. Based on their genes at 43 I'm middle aged, yet so many articles in the media make it sound that I'm crazy to even want to try to and have a baby at the ripe old age of 43.

It doesn't matter what age you are, if you feel the desire to be a mother whether you are 20 or 40 or whether you are in a relationship or single, you are the only person who can decide what is best for you.

Fingers crossed we will all be blessed with our healthy babies.

 

[snowbee]

Ha! Let's just not bother and save everyone the hassle of judging us. Oh hold on we would be slated for that too, so selfish not having children.

I don't even know how old I am, I've been telling people I'm younger for so long I have to really think about it now!

Anyone else feel they are being punished for waiting for the right person to have children with? If I had the choice I would have loved to have met my husband sooner but that isn't how it worked out.

 

[millielaura]

Ooh I totally understand the punishment thing snowbee except I feel the opposite. I feel like I met the right man young, got the ring, house , pets and now I'm being punished for having it too good by not being able to have our baby! Xx

 

[Blueflower]

Yes I was engaged at 30 to a bloke who really wasn't right for me, we were great friends and I really wanted it to work but he was quite arrogant, and also controlling in a subtle way. I stopped fancying him after a while too. If I'd stayed with him I'd probably have had kids by now but it just wasn't right. When I left him my dad said I wouldn't find anyone better which I found really insulting! But I found someone much better 2 years later!

 

[Sugarpop]

Society contradicts it's self so much. For me, if you are in a loving long term relationship and your not jumping into a pregnancy within the first couple of months, what does it matter how old you are? If your 21 or 41, each age group has its benefits and as long as the child is loved and taken care of who cares how old you are?!

 

[Lavinator]

I think the concept of societies correct age to have children misses out fertility problems altogether. I started TTC at the being of that small age time frame (27) and at the rate we're going I may be towards the end of the time frame before we have any luck ��

 

[Blueflower]

You're right Lavinator. Its a very 'ideal' viewpoint that. Doesn't consider any problems we might have.

 

[millielaura]

What I also hate is how because I'm young gp's don't take me seriously and say stuff like "people have kids in late thirties "etc then if I listened to them and let them just fob me off with no help until then, then I would be that age before I got any help lol. If that makes sense lol! It's so hard to conceive at the "right" age.
Another thing which annoys me is if someone on the younger or older end of the scale got preg naturally everyone would be a lot more accepting and then if you're going through fertility treatment everyone, doctors included, think they can start putting their opinion in. Xx

 

[Spannagal]

Totally agree with all comments here.

 

[miamia]

Another interesting thing is a proper age in different cultures. E.g. in muslim countries if you are not married until 18- you will be old and useless, in Russia e.g.- it is near 20-22, according to society after 25 you should retire and stop dreaming about children and a family.

 

[Blueflower]

That's so awful. Like it used to be here several decades ago!

 

[BumbleBex]

Hi Blueflower, I can definitely relate to your post. I was told I have endo in April this year and since then i've been having a battle with myself about then is best to start ttc. I'm 24 and my bf is 28, we've been together nearly 4 years and have been through a lot together. So why do I feel scared/anxious about not succeeding as a mum even before we've started trying?

I'm wondering if now is the best time for us to start trying, my endo plays on my mind and i'm scared I may run into problems if I leave it longer.

Thanks x

 

[Blueflower]

If your bf is on board then maybe go for it in the next year or so. I was single through most of my 20's, with the wrong man 28-32, didn't meet my DH till I was 34 & he wasn't ready for a family till I was 38 so I didn't have a choice. Are your lives ready for a family?