Terrible twos getting me down!

[Les1504]

My son is almost 3 (in July) and was such a placid baby, even up until the age of 18 months, people would comment on how well behaved he was. Recently he has grown into a monster. He throws tantrums at nursery and refuses to stay in bed. I ask him to brush his teeth and he tantrums, only to return 5 minutes later and ask for his teeth brushing! I know this is all normal but I'm worried I'm not handling it right. Work is so exhausting, fuelling my anxiety and I end up coming home and raising my voice to him! How do others deal with their toddlers? X

 

[Mrbump83]

Mines only 16 months and 3 months so I have no experience but my eldest is a nightmare! She tantrums over everything.
I sometimes raise my voice and I honestly believe it doesn't hurt for them to sometimes see a natural reaction to a situation.
I tend to sing to myself when's she's having a bad tantrum lol it keeps me weirdly calm. I think it's because it blocks the noise out.
I stand by her and explain I understand she's frustrated etc but she needs to communicate with me, if this doesn't work, the HV told me to stay close to her, offer hugs if requested etc ( don't force them) but don't react to it. Only react when she's calm, so she understands that attention is given when she's calm, not angry.
Also, HV said to give her options so she feels like she has some control over what she does. For example
Do you want to brush your teeth now or in 5 minutes? Then After 5 minutes, you must brush your teeth as they need a good brush.
This has worked to an extent but my little one is only 16 months so still tantrums.
All that may be totally useless... Sorry, I just didn't want to read and run x x

 

[mrswoody]

I can totally relate to getting down over toddler tantrums.
My DD is 2.5yrs old and I thought we were coming though the "terrible twos" relatively easily until a few months ago when she just turned into a monster.
She is a very intelligent, funny and fun little girl so I was devastated when the mood changed and I struggled to deal with it.
I did a lot of reading on it and something I found useful was to try and relate to them emotionally as it is emotions that make them tantrum.
Something like "Mummy knows you are sad but you mustn't do...." or "Tell mummy why you are sad/upset/crying/angry.." I can't remember where I read it but it was online.
This did work for us and also ignoring naughty behaviour or simply saying "mummy doesn't like to play with naughty children/children who hit" or whatever the issue is. I hope this makes sense?
Also I found just walking out of the room counting to ten and telling myself that she is only a toddler really helped me to calm down and get a grip the situation.

It is tough especially when you feel completely helpless. xx

 

[littlemonkey]

My eldest is two and 3 months and we've gradually been having more and more tantrums. It's difficult right now cos of have a five week old baby too and there is times when I have the two of them in tears at once.

I generally just ignore him until he's calmed down, then talk to him about the situation. Although I actually think this is backfiring on me cos he'd started ignoring me when I ask him to do things! Offering choices with most day to day things seems to help him, think it makes him feel like he's the one in charge! I'll ask what he'd like to wear, what he wants to eat, what activities he wants to do, where we go out etc. But do make sure it's a choice of this or that, open ended choices will end in disaster!

Do also try to make sure they're well rested and well fed. My son is a million times worse if he's tired so I still put him in bed for a nap when we're home in the day. Other than that it's just trying to stay calm, giving him lots of positive praise and attention when he's behaving and being consistent with him.

 

[Ella1979]

Both mine now have tantrums - my daughter's 3 and my son is almost 19 months - and sometimes have them at the same time. It can be absolute hell! Usually if they're in a safe environment I walk away and let them have their tantrum. With my daughter I have started saying things like "mummy only reads to little girls who aren't shouting and screaming" or something similar, which seems to be working. Also, she's loving Reading Eggs at the moment, so I use that - "if you don't brush your teeth you won't be able to play on Reading Eggs" usually works! I hate using bribes, but it's been the only effective method so far...

 

[CARNAT22]

I completely understand! James is almost 31 months and we've been having the 'terrible two's' since he literally turned two.

It has got steadily worse (new baby in January was the catalyst I think but I am pretty sure it's part of his development). We're currently in a quieter phase... so no tantrums but for me it's the not listening and whining that drives me to distraction.

I tell him the same thing over and over again and he just doesn't listen. He'll even repeat it back to me but still doesn't listen! He is quite good about things like roads / running off in public / dangerous stuff but everything else he just ignores?

The whining lasts from morning to night. He currently loves lego but he moans when it breaks [he breaks it!!], he whines when a book finishes, he whines when I change his bum, he whines when he doesn't want food or when he does want food... The only thing that escapes a moan is oddly me brushing his teeth - he moans if Dad does it - and getting dressed!!

I make sure once a day I leave both kids and pop out for 20 minutes - usually just to the supermarket / to run an errand. OH is home by 4.30pm and I have my shoes on waiting for him LOL. I also make sure we all go out everyday!

I know I am not working at the moment (not sure of that makes it easier or harder) but having another little one - who is incredibly demanding - means there is a lot of guilt on my part. James has been told "wait a minute" / "I'll be there as soon as I've fed baby" / "Let me stop baby crying" so many times I kind of understand why he kicks off?

As I say we are actually going through a relatively calm period at the moment but I will be glad when it's all over!! I think it's been particularly tough for me as James was such a good baby + early toddler.

X

 

[Rooster30]

I think quite a few of us are struggling at the moment. Mine acts like a petulant child... which, of course, he is. He tantrums over the most silly things. Like mrswoody said, sometimes I have to stand back and just repeat to myself HE'S TWO! I spoke to my HV and she said that's probably the best thing to do when we feel we're about to lose it with them.

What I struggle with is his violence towards his dad, nothing seems to stop it at the moment. So upsetting.

 

[Emily0505]

Cam is just the same. Nothing is right or good enough half the time.

He changes his mind like a gazillion times a day. Here is my morning this morning:

Which t-shirt do you want to wear Cam?

Shark one.

*I put on his shark t-shirt*

Nooooooooooooo!! I don't want to wear this I want a different one!

*mummy dutifully removes offending shark t-shirt and replaces with acceptable dinosaur one*

Do you want some peanut butter in toast for breakfast?

Yes please.

*mummy puts bread in the toaster*

Nooooooooooooo!! I don't want toast!!

Ok you can have cereal, there's rice cheapies, monster puffs or weetabix.

Weetabix please mummy

*mummy dutifully gets out weetabix*

Nooooooooooooo!! I don't want weetabix I want something from the fruit bowl!

*mummy dutifully puts away offending weetabix, offers fruit bowl for Apple selection and settles down to eat unwanted peanut butter on toast*

I want some of that mummy says Cam pointing at the toast!!!

It is infuriating!!!

I wonder if I'm too soft and give in to him too much?

We get the proper screaming and crying too. He had a proper shit fit about leaving playgroup the other day and I have been known to put him in a time out in the middle of Morrisons too!

As for raising your voice, I doubt there is one mum on here that hasn't shouted at their little one at some point. I know I have many a time. Doesn't make you a bad mum! Makes you a normal human being!!

CD

 

[Les1504]

Thank you for all the great advice I'm definitely going to try some of these strategies! It's so normal but also so draining! It's also hard knowing other people's children respect and listen to me at school, then my own laughs at me. It's so illogical as he's a baby but hard xx