Teen going off the rails? UPDATED

[Emmylou]

I have asked Kayleigh if she wants to give it a go, and she is extremely enthusiastic (at the minute!). She's going to speak to Lucy at school today and let me know tonight if she wants me to phone Avon. Hopefully she'll start to learn how hard it is to earn money.

That is a fabulous idea!! She will gain a lot from the responsibilty, it will give her a good idea of the value of money, and she will be earning some spare pennies! Such a brilliant idea! Hope it all goes well if she decides to go ahead with it

 

[Jayceesmumma]

God i had flashbacks when reading this!! I was awful!! same in every way!! I get upset how much i put my mum thru! LETTERS WORK!!! And earning your pocket money does too!!
Plus spending some time on your own with her a few hours a week is the best thing. Let her know ur still there for her as a friend aswell as a mum!
I get on really well with my mum now and i hate what i put her thru.
It only hit me when i was 16 lol. i dropped out of school and didnt do my GCSE's. BIG mistake, but theres no telling teenagers, you have to let them make thier own mistakes, all you can do is advise them on your experiences! There is no way to stop them smoking, drinking etc..
A heart written letter by hand will show her how much you care. Tell her everything ur feeling, dont hold back. Treat her like an adult and she may feel like one, and like the responsibilities and the fact you can treat her like one! This is from my personal experience, she may have a different mind to me lol, just sharing
Try to be more lenient (sp) on her, still keep the discipline..set rules, boundaries and make her aware of them. Give her allowances like staying out half hour later, aslong as she does her homework...have pocket money..aslong as she helps with housework.. like that..
Just find a way to suit her needs and YOURS, and it should get easier.
I hope it helps, and i hope u get things on track with ur DD
Also the majority of my rebellion was a big cry for attention but i never admitted it.
Wish you all the luck honey!!

 

[Amanda]

I've been offline for a while, so I thought I'd give you all an update.

Things are going brilliant!!

Kayleigh is doing the Avon round, and after trudging the streets for an hour in the rain, she admitted to me that it was much harder earning money than she had previously thought! Breakthrough!!!! Most of the time I go with her, so it is also giving us an opportunity to spend time as just the two of us, which is great.

I think the turning point was watching an episode of Supernanny believe it or not. She was dealing with very young kids, but was blaming the way the parents were speaking to the kids for their bad behaviour. It made me really think. It suddenly dawned on me that a lot of Kayleigh's bad moods and behaviour could be put down to me. We are both quite emotionally charged people, and were just clashing. I realised that I am the adult, she is the child, and if I wanted things to change, then it was up to me to put in the work. So I started to change things, little by little. Just by changing the tone of my voice, and the wording, I could get her to tidy her room without an argument! Instead of telling her to do it, I would ask. And beleive it or not, it worked!!

She went away with her grandparents for half term, and when she came home I told her that I hadn't realise quite how much help she is to me. Just the little things like keeping an eye on Charlie while I do stuff. It takes Kayleigh 15 mins to wake up in the morning, and she does this while sitting on the sofa with Charlie. During this time, I can jump in the shower and wash all the bottles and get them in the steriliser. When she wasn't here, it was a nightmare!! Waiting for Charlie to go back sleep so I could have a shower (with the baby monitor in the bathroom!), having to stop and keep going back into the living room while trying to wash the bottles, not being able to just pop next door to the shop to get milk. It was the little things. I told her that she was an absolute god-send to me, and now she even enjoys helping out more as she knows she is appreciated!

And the most important thing of all is.... She's happy!!!!!

Thanks for all of your advise girls, it was great!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Aww honey!!! Im so happy things worked out for you!! Its just the way you put things across that really helps! Its amazing how easy it is isnt it! Well done!!!

 

[fran_23]

Hi Tankett....my OH's younger sister who is now 15 was exactly like this, she also got herself into a bit of trouble..not going to school..being late if she did go..being cheeky to her mum, hanging round the streets etc as she would not do as her mum told her and come in when told to. they tried all the usual grounding her etc but it wasnt working.

she is also very intellectual for her age and the school decided that she was finding her classes very hard going as she was bored (she found it difficult when the other kids didnt understand stuff she did and the teacher had to spend a lot of time with others etc..)

she has now started a class at a college with other kids like her..they do 4 days a week have a bit more freedom and are with kids with similar problems she is studying to work as a learning assistant with disabled children and she is a totally different girl..shes polite, goes to college on time and behaves herself.
she behaved badly for about 2 yrs and it took time to get her to realise her behaviour was detrimental to her future but shes come round now..kayleigh may be feeling different at school because of being so intelligent..this may be affecting her..as for the lateness, sarcasm etc thats normal teenage behaviour (i was lazy and sarcastic to my parents as anything)

i hope things work out for you hun..also maybe shes slightly put out by new bubba..although she prob wont admit it, shes been centre of attention for a long time, maybe some of the things shes doing are in rebellion to not being the only one now!!

SORRY JUST READ THE UPDATE...LOL..glad it worked out hun xx

 

[rusks]

well done tankett glad all is going better now.

 

[Emmylou]

Well Done Tankett (& Kayleigh) so glad to hear the happy daughter post!!

Good to see she knows how much she is appreciated, and you've been able to invoke a positive change