Talking to sister for the very first time

[xkmummyxx]

Hi so this is a very long story so ill keep it as short as I can but I'm desprate for advice.

My mum is a lesbein (important tothe story) and slept with one man just to have me he knew and mum told him he didn't need to hang around as she wasn't interested in a relasionship... My dad married and had three children...
They knew nothing about me including he's wife!

I write my dad a letter last year as I never met him we met the once but he said he's family could never know about me! I felt very hurt...
And haven't spoke to him since

I tried my best but I really needed to know about me siblings (I'm a only child) I contacted my half sister and after a lot of convincing and emailing her the letter he sent me she belived me. The only live about ten mins away.

I really want to start talking to her but dot know where to start? (Btw her family does not know we are talking) what do I say to her where do I start?!?! It feels very awkard at the minute as you can imagine. But I'm so so happy we have talked and she is glad I told her. She's only 17 and seems very grown up - I'm 21 with a son so she is a aunty aswell

Any advice is welcome thanks xx

 

[xkmummyxx]

Oh and all we have had is the convincing conversation and where we live ect xx

 

[Merfairy]

Hi, it sounds like you have already made a start. It also sounds to me that your dad needs to be honest with his current family about you. You can ask your half sister to meet with you do you think she might.

I think your dad needs to be somewhat involved here as he has a grandson?? Could your mum maybe put a bit of pressure on your dad, it sounds unfair on you to be honest after all your mum and dad had you and you are a whole person!!

Are you able to contact your dad via e mail or something and maybe put a bit of pressure on? or alternatively you just turn up at the doorstep unexpectedly, which is not always adviseable of course, but it may be the only way you can get a reaction. Not sure what to advise hun, but you have clearly made a start and maybe keep going amd tread with caution as you seem to be doing, but it is also about you finding out about the other side of your family as you will have cousins and Aunts that you may never have met..? It always helps us to find out where we come from as it helps us find who we are.

If I knew my mums side of the family (my mum was fostered at 14 and in childrens homes from the age of 12 months old) and had a way of contacting them I would be annoying them I am sure, it is up to you hun but you have a right to know who you are and your dad can't ignore your existence or your childs??

Hope this is of some help; good luck x

 

[redbear]

Before you do what i would it would be the last resort- give your dad the chance to tell her himself? let him know his daughter knows and that its going to come out eventually and you would rather he tell his wife than there daughter or you. If he still won't see you because of his family then i would do this--- i know a lot wouldnt like it but after lots of warnings i would write to his wife, a nice letter but basically saying he wont have contact with me because he doesnt want you to know but you want it all in the open so you can see your dad. include a copy of his letter to you as proof....

but that would be a total last resort because then he may not talk to you for letting it all out in the open. However if he is going to not see you anyway it may be worth the risk... i dunno thats me. I deffinatly wouldn't want her to find out from her daughter- to me that would be devastating to have that hid from your husband is bad enough without your 17 year old hiding it too.

What i wouldn't do is leave it, your sister may be mature but is still only 17 and will be confused and upset and holding it from her family may cause her a lot of stress and upset. i hope your dad man's up and sorts it out, Good Luck xxx

 

[xkmummyxx]

Thank you ladies I was thinking about getting it all out in the open but my sister has said if it would be ok to keep it to ourselfs as her mum has had a hard time with my dad in the past years - and I wouldn't want to break a family up. I don't feel like iv missed out on anything as my mum done a great job rasing me. The only thing fussed on is my sister then eventually meeting my other two siblings.

I see it as if he didn't make the effort to find me first and hasn't kept it contact thn that's up to him he knows about me and knows he has a grandchild (he's only one) its up to him he's missing out not me.

Yes she wants to meet one day I don't want to push her in to anything but I think it would be good to meet on a mutual ground I duno that will make us talk more as over the Internet is hard? Xxx

 

[redbear]

if they have had troubles for a few years there not going to go away overnight? I know your sister may be protecting your dad but its if you can wait a few years until there relationship is better (if ever) xx

 

[xkmummyxx]

Very true.... X