SuperMom to the rescue

[mamichuli]

Hi Ladies, I have a problem with my lack of superpowers!

Just a bit of history here for those of you that dont know me as well...
All my life i have been the organiser, mainstay, shoulder for those around me, family and friends. During my previous relationship it nearly broke me as my ex was an alcoholic and suffered (and suffers) from nervous depression. To give you an idea since i was in my teens, close friends have teased me by calling me "mama". I like helping out, i feel right doing what i can, but i have a tendency to go overboard.

When OH and I got together, he has always said that i cant be supermom, that i have to rely on the kids and him to do more, but the truth of it is, that if there is a problem, i have to find the solution. Today i was on my way to work, called my OH and he reminded me i was supposed to leave a credit card for him to do an operation that HAS to be done today (wont go into detail we would be here till friday, and i am too busy being supermom to do that ) I had to come back to bring him my card and will have to do overtime this evening as a result. Point is, that i will come home later and still have all my jobs, plus anything else that hasnt been done.
When the kids miss a job, my OH forgets something, there is a prob, I am expected to pull a solution out of my magic hat and say " dont worry, we will sort it", but if i make a mistake i pay the price AND get told off! I mean, when i realised today that i had botched, on the phone, i said, well, I really am very sorry, but i dont know what to do, and my OH said "well, phone me when you do, cos i dont either" so, I have to find the solution AGAIN.
I know that any day now, he will give me the "You cant be supermom" sermon, but if I am not, the whole operation falls through and i am going potty. I do the banks, i know what bills are owing i tell people what to do and do it if they forget or cant or whatever...
Does anyone have any brilliant ideas how i can get through to my dear OH, whom i love to bits and also works all hours god gives him (as do I) and my older kids, that i am NOT the oracle and that if they dont pull their weight, AND use their brains to find solutions themselves, I am going to have a nervous breakdown?

 

[Quill]

It might take gradual weaning down of responsibilities for it all to work. Can you pick one or two things to give up right away? Something small, maybe a chore or something like the dishes. Maybe delegate cooking dinner to one of the kids or your OH three times a week so that you get a little more time in the evening?

It probably feels like everybody is taking you for granted right now... hard to change that all in one go. Hope the stress levels fall soon for you.

 

[mamichuli]

Thanks hun, I am afraid the biggest problem is me, really. My eldest will complain she is sooo tired and i do recognise she has a heavy day so i do something she doesnt want to do (dishes for instance) cos it is easier than arguing - i am just a doormat, really! I try to avoid arguments for one and on the other the kids just do anything to get out of chores.

Lisa

 

[Sandi4Paul]

i like beeing the one to ride to the rescue as well, but realise it wont be best for Logan in the long run, He'll have to leave home at some stage (oh yes he will) and he needs to be able to do things for himself and be able to organise himself (though being a makle that will only last untul he gets a girlfirend who'll run around after him).

I have found recently that going out one night a week (moves or pub with girls) is good as it teaches my OH some of the things that need done in the evening that he doesn't notice i do.

Sandi

 

[mamichuli]

you are right Sandi, I need to get out of the house as an independant human being, not just somebody's mother more often. As far as my OH learning what is required, what bugs me is that he KNOWS what is required, and how to do all the things that need to be done. He can cook, clean, take care of the kids, etc. But what happens is that he phones me to ask what to cook! He could stick his head in the freezer without input from me! And as far as the bills and so on, it would be nice if he at least took some interest in our finances, but i am resigned to the fact that it aint gonna happen!

Tnanks for the support!

Lisa

 

[Sandi4Paul]

my mum always sayd that you can't teach men anything after tha age of 10, not true, i think you can teach them to be lazy if you do everything for you they just give up and expect it.

Sandi

 

[mamichuli]

mmmm, little as i like to admit it, you may have a point there... I need a new strategy, methinks 8)

Lisa

 

[Sandi4Paul]

Sorry i probably more thatn a little cynical, i've seen many times when different males do something really half a*sed knowing that their better halves will say something like " Oh for goodness sake let me do it" and then they get out of the job.

my dad has this down to an art form.

Sandi

 

[mamichuli]

S'Ok hun, you are right...I just need to work out how i can break myself of the habit of trying to do it all to make sure it is done properly...either i lower my standards or i raise theirs...somehow

Lisa