Struggling with the t t's

[Robyner]

Ive got to the end of my tether.
My dd is two and a half and im at my wits end with the tantrums and behavoiur.
Main issues arise when i have to get her dressed ( some days i just cant face going out or getting her dressed so ive given in to it and i dont)
Shopping is impossible, ive started to do it online but if we need bits she is intolerable.
Generally if i stop from doing something because its dangerous etc as well.
Im exhausted, especially as dh works abroad most of the time.
Please tell me it gets better!!
Any tips?
Naughty step / spots etc dont seem to work. I just put her in her room and go to her after a few minutes. She loves her sleep so it hasnt put her off going to bed so far.
Shes brilliant on the whole, very advanced, bright, funny and i love her to bits but at the same time........
Shes also very physically strong. Im shattered and getting very down, i actually just want to stay in day after day and i have to force myself to do battle and go out.

 

[russellmuscle]

Hey hun

I can sympathise to a degree, Jackson is at the stage he has a melt down when we leave somewhere, we come home, when a cartoon ends, when I say no or generally when he doesnt want to do it and going from a wee angel it has thrown me a bit. He has become more demanding and I think due to the fact hes talking to me now which is a blessing... SOMETIMES. Even when OH is here he alwwys wants me. He isnt naughty so we dont do the step but I generally just try to distract him or gently ask why hes crying or taking a berky.

I have no advice but at this age they are so frustrated and learning to communicate. Now that Jqckson understands and can communicate its not as bad. He will be 3 in 2 months so, Id say it most likely is just a wee phase for her and it will get better.

Your doing amazing, dont let it get you down. Mothering is hard as shit sometimes lol.

xxxx

 

[can]

I too sympathise! My lo is only 22 months but has a meltdown quite requally!! Everyday tasks are a battle and he can switch in a second!! Best bet just to ride it out! I also have a 4 month old to look after so I try to pick my battles. If it's not dangerous then I leave him to it and try to give him as little ambition as possible. He is too young to understand cause and affect so naughty step or taking away toys wouldn't help. I try to stay as calm as possible which I think ribs off onto him. Try to explain what you are going to be doing " we are putting shoes on now to go out" so he knows what's coming etc. I make sure I take them out everyday. Sometimes it's really hard and I don't feel like it but more you go out easier it is and don't worry if your lo has a meltdown in public those with kids will understand and those shoes don't will get it when they have children. It won't last and soon it will all get much easier just try not to give in tantrum demands for chocolates or sweets as kids are cleaver doesn't matter at what age!!

 

[can]

As little attention not "ambition" lol

 

[LSD]

Hey hun I can also sympathize. My DS is now 4 going on 14!

Yes it is just a phase but they wont entirely stop.

Shes really trying to develop and find her self and will test all boundaries to see where she fits.

My advice? stay strong and be consistent. Set clear rules and boundaries and ensure you both stick to them. My son soon learnt that I was less likely to say no when we were out in public or infront people who we did not see often. It has taken alot of work and struggles I cant lie and many a breakdown on the bathroom floor at the end of the day, but you WILL get there and it is 100% worth it!

Im happy to share some of my strategies if you want or chat if you need to vent.

Do you have any family around you? or friends? maybe ask someone if they would be happy to have her for a few hours so you can have a breather and regroup?

 

[Robyner]

Thanks ladies, ive decided just to tell her whats happening and then get on with it without speaking when shes kicking off.
I cant live like this shouting all the time, im on my own a lot with her and its so wearing. My neighbours must think im horrible, all sweetness and light over the garden wall, but completely losing it every ten minutes in the house.

 

[Robyner]

And that plan lasted half a day im seriously at my wits end and i feel like ive got the naughtiest child in the world.
Im actually sobbing

 

[tinselcat]

Hugs Robyner xxx

I can't offer any advice but you have my sympathies, it sounds very challenging for you xx

p.s. I'm sure your neighbours don't think you're horrible!

 

[Baby2sky]

I used to have such a terrible time with my daughter. I've recently started trying to understand her frustrations and talking to her and explaining how I understand why shes feeling the way she is (I discovered the reason she fought getting dressed/ shoes on was because she wanted to do it herself, and now she can mostly do it herself ) and just generally trying to be positive all the time with her and encouraging her when she does something I ask. However its still not great. I understand the frustration when everybody elses child seems like an angel. Try to take comfort that all these qualities she has now (resilience, determination etc) are all things which are generally positive attributes as adults. You're not alone hun xxx

 

[littlemonkey]

I feel your pain! My toddler still has his moments that drive me to despair!

It really is about being as consistent as possible, ignoring them as much as possible when they're being a nightmare and heaping on the over exaggerated praise when they're behaving. I know it's not what you want to hear, but with the getting dressed thing, she knows now if she kicks off, she gets out of it.

I also think having a loose routine helps them. My son seems to be better since he started his free childcare hours and now we tend to follow the same routine most days, even at weekends. I also read somewhere that toddlers like to know what's going to happen, so I try talking to my son, telling him we will do this, then that, then this today.

I had a nightmare with my boy over brushing his teeth and it just took persevering with him on it. I asked him to brush his teeth and if he didn't I put him in his bed (still had the cot), when he calmed down I'd take him to brush his teeth and if he kicked off, I did the whole thing again until the teeth were done. After a couple of days the tantrums stopped.

I hate shopping with my kids, the baby on his own is fine, but I find it hard work with my eldest. Even when he's in a good mood and behaving, he will grab stuff, or complain if I say no about stuff he wants or start pulling stuff out the trolley. If I'm going for a big shop I generally do it myself in the evening!

 

[Goat]

Something I found was that the terrible twos was linked to the back molars slowly making their way through. Once my daughter cut her last one she mellowed so much and now is for the most part, lovely.
Getting through this period is so tough but I found being firm and consistent and being out and about most of the time helped a lot. Big hugs Hun as not much advice but I can really sympathise.x

 

[Holi]

Melt downs are hard. Touch wood rosie doesn't have them often but when she does I generally don't know what to do. I tend to just wait till she calms herself down and watch her to make sure she can't hurt herself (wherever the tantrum is taking place!)

With regards to shopping - I have to admit, I use bribery! I tell rosie she can pick a peice of fruit or crisps to eat while we go round - honestly she's good as gold! Some people might think this is a bad idea but she doesn't often come with me so it's not like it's a couple of times a week. At most once a week!

Also I found pre warning rosie helps loads. Like before we leave the house on a morning we would have a meltdown cos she wouldn't want to go. So now I say 'we are going in 5 minutes rosie finish playing with your toys' and then '1 minute and then were going' and by the time we go she's mentally prepared and is more than happy to come with me!

It's awful but rest assured you are not alone! Xx

 

[Rooster30]

I'm really struggling with my son at the moment. Just an hour ago I really shouted at him and felt I was about to really lose my cool so had to send him to his room. This afternoon I arranged for my daughter to be with my mum with so I could have some pure mother-son time with him because I felt we were both missing out. I was looking forward to it and so was he. He woke from his nap and was just HORRENDOUS. Shouting, screaming, crying. I got him in the car hoping he'd perk up once we were on the move, but NO. I turned around, put him in his room and left. My OH works from home so I left them there whilst I collected my daughter and burst into tears when I got to my mums. Mum came home with me (she only lives round the corner) and tended to my son and has taken him to her house for a bit.

Anyway. I don't know what the answer is. I'm struggling to enjoy his presence which is so so so sad Sometimes, the majority of the time, he can be an absolute star and a joy and a pleasure but of late he's just gotten worse. What I struggle with is keeping my cool myself. I now have to leave him in his room or have someone else tend to him if I feel so hugely wound up

Parenthood is hard hard work

 

[Sharmon]

Ive got to the end of my tether.
My dd is two and a half and im at my wits end with the tantrums and behavoiur.
Main issues arise when i have to get her dressed ( some days i just cant face going out or getting her dressed so ive given in to it and i dont)
Shopping is impossible, ive started to do it online but if we need bits she is intolerable.
Generally if i stop from doing something because its dangerous etc as well.
Im exhausted, especially as dh works abroad most of the time.
Please tell me it gets better!!
Any tips?
Naughty step / spots etc dont seem to work. I just put her in her room and go to her after a few minutes. She loves her sleep so it hasnt put her off going to bed so far.
Shes brilliant on the whole, very advanced, bright, funny and i love her to bits but at the same time........
Shes also very physically strong. Im shattered and getting very down, i actually just want to stay in day after day and i have to force myself to do battle and go out.

I could have written this post word for word! My only addition is that when I say no to something dangerous, my little one hits me as well as screams! Any advice or tips appreciated

 

[Robyner]

Ive had some helpful suggestions from my mum who was a teachers assistant, but im not sure they will work everytime. I also chatted to my friend who is a childminder, so im trying to put an action plan together.
She has a wind up music box and mum suggested we play " get dressed before the music stopped" She seemed very happy to do that, it was a good game, however it wasnt quite up beat enough. My friend suggested the benny hill music which she knows works as one of the teachers at school uses it to tidy up with, im going to try tomorrow.
Also ive found today that if theres something she dosent like such as having to go upstairs to bed, i give her two choices, she can walk up or i carry her. She then feels in control to choose something and almost forgets she didnt want to do it in the first place. It dosent always work but today shes getting that if she dosent make a decision after being given the oppurtunity i just do it anyway and shes lost.
Another tip was dont over use the word no and stop doing that etc try saying for example, hold your cup with both hands so it dosent spill, or sit down rather than no stop jumping on the sofa. Basically reinforcing positive language. I tried it while i was trying to get her to brush her teeth and said lets make our teeth fresh and clean, rather than if you dont do it you will have bad teeth etc.
I feel better and stronger because spent the whole day at my mums and ive not had to do lunch or dinner or any dishes lol a change and a rest. Its only day one of trying something different and im sure i will slip sometimes but im feeling more in control by making her think she is. Phew.
Its still going to be like getting an octopus in a string bag when getting her dressed but i might try to encourage her to do it herself more. Im not going to shout, rather tell her whats happeing, give her the choices and if she kicks off, not communicate and get on with it if it really important or leave her in her room and go back after a few minutes.