Stressed!! Please help!!

[Becc]

Hi everyone,

I know I haven't been around here that long but you all seem like a nice bunch and I need to get a few things off my chest that are going on with me and really getting me down...

First off, I should probably say a bit about my past... I was in a terrible relationship for 5 years before I got with OH and this person was even harassing me for a while after we split up, which caused me to move away to a different town. It's nicer here because there's less crime etc and don't have to worry bout bumping into ex but sometimes I just feel so alone and isolated especially when OH is at work as I don't really have anybody here and sometimes I feel like I'm going stir crazy trapped in the house all the time. I hardly ever get to see my family because of the cost of petrol to drive down there as well, which I keep telling myself has to change now with this baby on the way but how am I supposed to find all that extra money???

When I moved up here I found what I thought was a really good job with training quite quickly and was really chuffed about it all (I'd had to quit uni to move away from ex and the training part was some consolation). Unfortunately, my ex continued to harass my family in my absence and I felt like he would never truley be out of my life. The daily reports from my mum of text messages he had sent her or my dad or emails he had sent to my brother started to get to me and I ended up with severe depression and anxiety... which eventually resulted in me losing my job due to being off sick so early on. I picked myself up and found another job but then got laid off, rehired within a week and laid off again... which didn't do much for my stress levels as you can imagine!! I woke up early to check my bank this morning and found that this employer also hasn't bothered paying me my final wage... now I'm going to have to be on the phone ranting and raving trying to sort it all out for most of the day and probably to no avail (it's a really naff company that screws people over all the time). I also have Direct Debits coming out of my bank on Monday which I now have no money to pay so will soon be getting a barage of phone calls from credit card and loan companies demanding money I don't have... not to mention the bank charges. Because I was a student for the years they take into account and OH is working full time... I also am entitled to no benefit whatsoever... apparently the government thinks that I can live on nothing... which is stupid because nobody can.

On top of all this, my landlady a 'friend' is a complete nightmare. The house is freezing cold, the kitchen window and back door are falling apart, the roof leaks, there's damp on the walls and there's only one internal door in the house that doesn't stick as they are poorly fitted. This has been going on for 9 months now, the house has always been a mess since we moved in and we were promised it would be sorted straight away. We don't have any other options of where to live until March when we will hopefully be moving into a better property. Every time I phone and tell her things need fixing I get the response that she will send a family member (NOT a qualified tradesman) to look at it and if they do bother turning up they come and go and the problem still isn't fixed. Then I find out that she has been off on holiday and get told she will sort the window when she comes back (which she hasn't). What the hell is she doing going away for a week of leisure when she won't put any money into this house while we continue to pay her mortgage for her for nothing in return?!?!?!?!?!

I'm sorry to moan so much... I just feel like everything keeps going wrong for us and it all seems so unfair when all we're trying to do is be together and work hard to earn a living for us and our baby. I'm at the end of my tether with it all... I have no job, no money and no way out. This should be a happy, exciting time for us and everything else is just overshadowing it at the moment. I'm really afraid that all this stress and upset is going to affect my pregnancy and I don't know where to turn

Sorry again for the moaning, and the length of this post xx

 

[Trudyscrumptious76]

Aw hun. Don't worry about moaning. That's what we are here for. I'm not sure what advice I can give, but it's not all bad you now have a great OH and a baby on the way to look forward to!

Can your family not contact the police about the harrasment? Maybe get a restraining order on him?

Don't wait for the phone calls to come. Ring the bank today, cancel all your direct debits. This will stop any charges adding up. Then call the companies whose DD you cancelled and explain the situation to them. Ask if you can have a payment break until you get another job or at least work out a payment plan, so that it's not a big lump sum at once. The worst thing you can do is bury your head in the sand, the charges will mount up and you'll dread the phone ringing.

In this current financial climate alot of people are in the same situation and companies are having to be more understanding or else they'll end up with nothing.

 

[tigger]

hi, im so sorry to hear whats been going on with you at the moment it must be very stressful
There isnt very much advice i can give but i can speak from some experience (well sort of), and hope some of it helps

Some years ago i was in a bad relationship (during which i moved 200 miles away from all my friends and family), this ended in violence and i walked out with nothing. I lived in a bed sit and struggled to pay bills and got into bad debt because of it, i was very alone and really thought i couldnt beat it all...then i started to make friends (slowly) and to help this i joined a club and started to build up a network of people i new. At this time i thought i would always be struggling and lonely but thankfully bad luck does run out !!

I now have met and married my OH, and have a nice house and 1 little boy and 1 on the way, the reason why i have told you this is so that you reolise all this is just temporary, and WILL GET BETTER!

I have some suggestions which may or may not help,

Go to the Citezens Advice Bureau and ask if there is any help you can get.
(Dont do what i did and hide away from bills i couldnt pay).

Find out if there are any groups or clubs locally that you can go to (some toddler groups are for bumps also), your midwife may know. I had Post Natal Dep'n after my son and getting out of the house (even when i didnt want to) was a real life saver.

Take 1 problem at a time so you dont feel swamped, and ask your OH for help...does he know how you feel?

Anyway sorry i went on a bit i just hope some of this helps

You are more that welcome to PM me if you need to talk in the future

REMEMBER things will get better

tigger xx

 

[Becc]

Thanks for the advice girls,

I think I have managed to get rid of the ex now... last time I heard from him was a couple of months ago and nothing since and he hasn't contacted my family that I know of (unless they're just not telling me to avoid upsetting me). I have made an appointment with Citizens Advice so hopefully they will be able to do something for me. I have also cancelled the direct debits for my credit cards over the internet so that I don't get charged twice for not being able to pay one thing.

I will let you know how it all works out.