Strange feelings....

[AndreaJayne]

One thing pregnancy has made me realise is that I am a little of a control freak, but I don't know if this has anything to do with certain feelings/worries.

I sometimes get the feeling (mainly with OH & MIL) that once I have had the baby they are going to swoop in and try and take control and feel like I am in a little bit of a battle, I think some of it is due to my MIL getting too involved but my OH doesn't seem to back me up. I don't think I want my MIL to visit me in hospital and I want to just be with me baby and OH when we first come home, its not that I don't like her its just that she doens't ever listen to what I say or be considerate about my feelings... Its driving me insane.

I try and tell myself to not worry and see how things are when baby arrives but can't help worrying! xxx

 

[kanga86]

I think exactly the same, my oh is very close with his parents (he is 26 and they phone him EVERY day without fail!). It drives me insane, I think that my mil will tell my oh how to do things with baby and I will have to listen and do it! His parents interfer with quite a lot of things in our life's already so I dread it when baby is here.

As for at the hospital I have a feeling his parents will want to be there, whereas I wouldn't want to see them until a few hours after giving birth, until I can look normal again and spend time alone with my oh, especially when we first get home from the hospital too.

I think it is natural to worry about these things, but we just have to try and put it to the backs of our minds sometimes or we would go insane xx

 

[AndreaJayne]

Hey Kanga,

My OH gets offensive when I mention anything about his mother, I find this so difficult. I thought I would have a google on MIL's and just came across this article which is interesting and makes me feel like I shouldn't accept it and should stand up for myself more.

http://www.ivillage.com/when-mother-law-gets-too-close-comfort/6-a-127875

xxx

 

[DeeLT]

I think it's normal to feel like this. I spoke to my OH about a similar thing and we agreed that week 1 of baby coming home it's just us and if people want to call they can leave a message and we'll call back when we can. I think if you let people know in advance it shouldn't be an issue really. We've said our parents can come along and see LO in the hospital but once at home we want some space.
It's hard though- my ex MIL was a nightmare and so overbearing, thankfully this one understands.

Good luck hon and don't be afraid to put your foot down, your baby, your rules! xx

 

[AndreaJayne]

Hey thanks Dee, a siuation from Christmas day has spurred my worries. I cooked all the dinner for me, OH, my mum her partner, my sis and MIL & FIL. After lunch she started clearing up and I said don't worry about it I will do it later, as wanted everyone to just chill out. And she said No it will annoy me, I told her two more times to leave it and she didn't, it angered me that she wasn't listening to what I said and she was in my home and continued to do what she wanted, MIL & FIL left straight after dinner. Just so inconsiderate of manners and I fear that she won't listen to me when the baby is here too. The next day I spoke to OH and said I felt like he didn't back me up and tell her to leave it, but he just didnt understand my point therefore creating an arugment between us. I just can't be bothered with it being like this when baby is here and feeling that he isn't on my side.

Its a good decision that you & OH have decided, I think that I may put this to my OH, sounds like your OH understands. xxx

 

[TaffyRose]

I was worried about other people taking over too, it's bad enough people telling you what you should be doing when you're pregnant! But I have explained to my OH this is our baby and we will do things how we want. He has learnt as when we got our dog his mum constantly fed him treats even after I'd asked her not too. After the dog became really poorly my OH finally put his foot down so I'm hoping he's learnt from that xx

 

[AndreaJayne]

I just feel like I have so many worries!! The fact that they also have a 4 stone bull dog who just charges around everywhere and she says the dog will have to get used to the baby which is true but I don't want the dog anywhere near my son as he could easily get crushed, my MIL doesn't have any friends or ever goes out, she lives for her son and her husband, to add to this they are on the verge of splitting up, if this was the case she will not have her husband to wait on and I worry that it will become a 3 way relationship. I feel like a right worry bag!! xx

 

[TORino]

You need to get your OH on board with this ASAP or you will have 2 fights on your hands. It is his job to support you first and foremost and not side with his mother against you. I have similar problems in my family with MIL.

I have been rehearsing a line that I will be saying to her when she tries to interfere.

'you had the opportunity to raise your children how you saw fit, now please give me the same courtesy'

It's going to be a nightmare. Right down from the hospital like you said. I can see her just turning up etc, I also worry that she will try and do things like she did with SIL when her baby was born like 'borrow the baby for the day to take round the country and show her friends etc, NO CHANCE! Lol.

We must be strong and put our feet down!! xx

 

[TaffyRose]

I agree, it's your baby after all so your rules. I read on someone else's birth plan they specifically said no family allowed near the delivery suite and even said no updates were to be given to family who call the hospital so you can take some control from the beginning hun xxx

 

[TORino]

No updates to family who call the hospital? Lol. I LOVE this. I will be taking full advantage. Haha.

MIL called the hospital 7 times in October when my OH was supposed to have an op for his broken clavicle. They got very sick of her in the end.

 

[BUGGY82]

Im concerned about MIL too although my situation is slightly different.
We live abroad so she obviously wants to visit after baby is born but I want the 1st 2 weeks with OH & baby but I dont think she'll wait. We'll need to book her flight which makes it hard to judge too. I've talked to OH about it & he agrees with me but he can't stand up to her. She already turns on the water works to guilt trip us and shes very good at argueing and holding grudges so I don't really know how to play it.
What makes it worse is that FIL passed away 2 years ago so she's on her own.
I just want to enjoy my new little family That we've waited so long for without interference.

 

[AndreaJayne]

Whenever I mention anything to do with his mum he gets offensive and says what is my problem with her. I didn't realise that in your birth plan you can put who you want to be there!
I hope that the midwifes are good and listen to what I want over OH ha Then I can ensure that nobody but me and OH are there. I have no problem with family but in my eyes baby & OH are now my family and we arrange to go and see grandparents, I don't want them to be here all the time xxx
Torino your MIL sounds like mine! I suppose its more worrying for you as you have seen already how she behaves when a baby is born! xx

 

[TaffyRose]

From speaking with other people the midwives are there for you and the baby and will listen to what you have to say. I'm sure they've had this situation before. Def make sure it's in your birth plan. I'm very lucky and at the moment my MIL isn't too bad but I'll still be making it very clear I only want my OH with me at the birth. Also I am lucky my SIL is due 3 weeks before me so I'm hoping my MIL will be too busy interfering with her to worry about me

 

[Bee7]

I know exactly what you mean. I feel really selfish because I know after baby is born i'll want to see my family/close friends but i just don't get on that well with OH's family, particularly his mum. Obviously i wouldn't stop them visiting but i don't want them there straight away and i also don't want rows about my friends being allowed to drop in but not his family. My OH can be very forceful in his views, it's not a bad thing he's just opinionated and likes to get his own way (don't we all!) so although we've agreed that we won't have visitors until at least a day or so after baby is born, i can still see it causing problems.

It's such a stupid thing to stress about when we have so much more to worry about. I'm more concerned with getting through the birth without worrying about who i'm going to piss off afterwards. Grrr xx

 

[Florajoy]

Oh god I know how u feel girl, my MIL is a nightmare! Shes lovely, but very overprotective of my OH who is 31!! She calls him mummies little soldier! This will be her first grandchild and she has already bought herself cot and started making a nursery in her house, I've told OH the baby will not be staying there anyway and he just gets grumpy cos he can't see what she's doing! Cos I will only be 22 she doesn't think I'm capable of looking after her son well enough and now with his baby it will be worse! She already lest herself in our house when we aren't here and does my washing and bleaches the house!!!! My OH refuses to take her key away! My mum is so chilled out and relaxed im not used to a control freak mother!
I am going to have to put strict ground rules in place with this baby and she won't be visiting me I'm hospital! Only my OH and my mum will be there, my MIL will just stress me out saying I'm doing it wrong!!! So anyway after that rant, I do know how u feel! Xxx hope this all makes sense, hate typing on my iPhone! X

 

[reillybaby1987]

I'm exactly the same, my dads partner is very erm opionated and quite controlling, hence why i'm moving out and getting my own place in february so that I can just be with my baby, seems a bit selfish but I kinda want him all to myself lol xxx

 

[steffy]

I can't believe how we all feel the same! My inLaws live 50 metres away from us and I can just imagine how its going to be! So yesterday I approached the subject by sayin I didn't realli want any visitors at the hosp if I only stay in for 1 night and that I didn't want any visitors the first day home. My MIL didn't look too happy - but I want time with my OH and baby and don't think that's being selfish! I also said I didn't want people just turnin up to visit and wanted people to ring before hand just incase we already had somebody over! She wasn't happy!
So now, I'm worrying that it is just going to be a nightmare or there wil be serious arguementss! Isn't it silly - that we are the ones going to give birth and yet no1 realli considers our wishes! Xx

 

[AndreaJayne]

I can't believe how we all feel the same! My inLaws live 50 metres away from us and I can just imagine how its going to be! So yesterday I approached the subject by sayin I didn't realli want any visitors at the hosp if I only stay in for 1 night and that I didn't want any visitors the first day home. My MIL didn't look too happy - but I want time with my OH and baby and don't think that's being selfish! I also said I didn't want people just turnin up to visit and wanted people to ring before hand just incase we already had somebody over! She wasn't happy!
So now, I'm worrying that it is just going to be a nightmare or there wil be serious arguementss! Isn't it silly - that we are the ones going to give birth and yet no1 realli considers our wishes! Xx

Sounds exactly like my MIL, we have lived in 2 different houses and neither have been more than a quarter of a mile away! I said I wanted people to ring, I can't stand it when people call unannounced.
I have a plan which in some ways is cruel but in other ways best for baby ha I want to breast feed and I plan on trying my absolute hardest as that is one thing that no one can take away from me that I need to feed baby and I don't want people round while I am breast feeding, now considering that baby feeds every 2-3 hours is a great excuse. Sorry you are going to have to leave/you cannot come round as I am feeding baby. Sound like a bit of a bitch but its good for baby and I want to do it just means il try extra hard!

Florajoy - My MIL was like that with the house when we were at work, I was like I don't want someone else handling my dirty underwear etc It has taken 4 years (been together 6) to get where we are, I will not give up though until things are my way with this baby, you have all given me mother power! ha xxxxxxx

 

[steffy]

You don't sound like a bitch - I also plan to breastfeed and think its perfectly reasonable to not want people there.
A few weeks ago, I treated myself to an afternoon nap - was awoken by her bangin on my living room window bcos I didn't answer the door and if she does this as I've just got baby off I'll freak!!
End of the day - people need to respect that both me and my OH will want time to bond as a family. Im getting used to the idea that some might think I'm being a bitch - but I've got to do what is best for me and my family! Stick to your guns and do what is right for you xx