Stay at home dads

[JustTrying]

Whats your opinion? Would you be okay if your o/h wanted to stay at home to be daddy?

Can you let go?

 

[MrsS15]

My husband does. He works from home full time and I go out to work full time! When I go back to work after the baby he'll still be at home taking care of both kids. Although he still has to get work done for his business so my mum is going to take baby for 1 day a week and thankfully our son is in school!

It's difficult for me sometimes that he gets to be at home but it's also not easy for him, I remember how hard it is juggling being at home and keeping up to date with the house, working and being a daddy. He's going to have his work cut out for him with another one coming along it works for us though, I'm a nurse so won't ever have the option to work from home but he does and it saves us A LOT of money on childcare xx

 

[JustTrying]

My husband does. He works from home full time and I go out to work full time! When I go back to work after the baby he'll still be at home taking care of both kids. Although he still has to work so my mum is going to take baby for 1 day a week and thankfully our son is in school!

It's difficult for me sometimes that he gets to be at home but it's also not easy for him, I remember how hard it is juggling being at home and keeping up to date with the house, working and being a daddy. He's going to have his work cut out for him with another one coming along it works for us though, I'm a nurse so won't ever have the option to work from home but he does and it saves us A LOT of money on childcare xx

and you feel okay about it? Don't you worry?
I know it sounds SO TERRIBLE that I am asking this but I can't help but worry to death.
After going to childcare costs/finances, o/h has suggested he wants to stay at home and be dad and I don't know how I feel about this. On the one hand it's great he wants to be involved and on the other hand my maternal side is thinking is he going to be like me? sensitive, careful, etc. I shouldn't be so undermining but I cant help it.

Also, Im going to miss out on so many "first" moments which is not the reason I am worried tbh but it did cross my mind.

 

[MrsS15]

Erm I think I maybe struggled a bit at first but it makes our life so much easier I can't complain too much. I know in ways he misses adult company and the social aspect of work so he's not got it totally easy! We didn't start doing this till our son was older though so I may feel different once baby is here. A quick reminder of how much childcare costs will quickly bring me back to earth. If my husband was to go back out the house working full time and I do 3 days then for our son and the baby we'd be £800 a month!

Are you planning on going back to work quickly then? I'm hoping not to go back until baby is 10 months so I'm really hoping it helps soften the blow!

I really don't worry about him as a parent, I know he's tougher than me but he's a great dad and we know how we want our child raised so he'd never do anything I don't agree with. When I'm home it makes the time even better with my son because it's valued more. He knows part of his role of being at home is keeping on top of the housework and doing the weekly shop etc, the housework is never to my standard but as long as I see he tries.

Does your husband have the option to work from home then? Xx

 

[Eryinera]

My hubby is taking most of the parental leave I'm going back after 4 months he's taking the other 8. We haven't decided what happens then but possibly he drops a few days and work's less. With my son worked 2 days he worked 5 but I'm now the main wage earner so it makes sense that he stays at home more. Plus he already does the lions share of housework. Cooking laundry washing bins cleaning tidying. I do filing ironing diy pots and a few of his jobs when I can. He's a great househusband much better than I was a housewife! I also sort out finances and I used to look after the fish tanks til an infection killed them all but I'll start that up soon I slso eBay r everything lol

 

[snowbee]

It wouldn't work for us as a couple at all. Not because I don't trust him or think he would do a worse job though, it just wouldn't be what either of us wanted. This was something we talked about before we got married, if we wanted children and how we would like to look after them and luckily we both agreed.

One of my friends has gone back to work full time and her husband chose to be a stay at home dad to their two children and it works perfectly for them. She did say she felt like she would be missing out on some things but found it not as bad as she thought when she actually went back.

 

[Alipops1986]

My husband works 4 days a week and has our little boy one day a week while I work full time. I had. Hence of promotion and the money was too good to refuse basically. Plus, long term it has really good prospects. My husband was fed up in his job at the time so it worked out to be a positive for him to drop a day.

This time, we'll be using the shared parental leave option, this wasn't around when I had my little boy. I will have 6 months off and my husband will have 4 months off. Baby will then be in nursery 3 days and 1 day with grandma & 1 day with husband. Our eldest will be at preschool using free hours.

I wouldn't have felt confident leaving husband but he's fantastic and I have no worries. He likes a list of jobs to get done and is brilliant with our son.

Alipops x

 

[KHTW]

My hubby stays with our DD until 3.30 pm when I am at work and then he goes to his work and I get my quality time with her. We started this shift pattern when she was 9 months old, and I won't lie it was very difficult for me at the start. But I had to let it go. I trust OH and he is amazing with her. It is working out fine for us. We both get to spend time with her but also see other adults at work. We are both off weekends.

Good luck x

 

[JustTrying]

Erm I think I maybe struggled a bit at first but it makes our life so much easier I can't complain too much. I know in ways he misses adult company and the social aspect of work so he's not got it totally easy! We didn't start doing this till our son was older though so I may feel different once baby is here. A quick reminder of how much childcare costs will quickly bring me back to earth. If my husband was to go back out the house working full time and I do 3 days then for our son and the baby we'd be £800 a month!

Are you planning on going back to work quickly then? I'm hoping not to go back until baby is 10 months so I'm really hoping it helps soften the blow!

I really don't worry about him as a parent, I know he's tougher than me but he's a great dad and we know how we want our child raised so he'd never do anything I don't agree with. When I'm home it makes the time even better with my son because it's valued more. He knows part of his role of being at home is keeping on top of the housework and doing the weekly shop etc, the housework is never to my standard but as long as I see he tries.

Does your husband have the option to work from home then? Xx

Yeah childcare costs are ridiculous. We are looking at £52 a day! Around £1040-£1300 per month. We both earn decently but not so much that we can throw 1300 around each month!

Im going back at 3 months due to new job and low maternity allowance (i dont qualify through work) which is why I feel guilty because a baby that tiny should have mummy on his/her side.

Yeah I understand your perspective, if anything it's commendable that they want to stay at home, give up their work life/freedom to take care of their child.

No, he's a lecturer so he won't be able to work from home so frequently. At times, I will be working from home too which will be nice to bond more with my baby.

Ive really thought it all through and It's my negative mindset that needs to change. He has two other boys and is an absolutely great father to them so I should not have an ounce of doubt in any way. Also good thing is he has always kept me in the loop in regards to the tiniest of things where decisions must be made.

It's good your o/h does the housework (or tries to), it's so important to meet each other half way otherwise us ladies would be continuously exhausted!

 

[JustTrying]

My hubby is taking most of the parental leave I'm going back after 4 months he's taking the other 8. We haven't decided what happens then but possibly he drops a few days and work's less. With my son worked 2 days he worked 5 but I'm now the main wage earner so it makes sense that he stays at home more. Plus he already does the lions share of housework. Cooking laundry washing bins cleaning tidying. I do filing ironing diy pots and a few of his jobs when I can. He's a great househusband much better than I was a housewife! I also sort out finances and I used to look after the fish tanks til an infection killed them all but I'll start that up soon I slso eBay r everything lol

haha yes my o/h is good at keeping the house tip top apart from cooking. He hates it.

Sounds like you have a good compromise.

We had 2 fish tanks which we sold several months back. They were a nightmare to clean!

 

[JustTrying]

It wouldn't work for us as a couple at all. Not because I don't trust him or think he would do a worse job though, it just wouldn't be what either of us wanted. This was something we talked about before we got married, if we wanted children and how we would like to look after them and luckily we both agreed.

One of my friends has gone back to work full time and her husband chose to be a stay at home dad to their two children and it works perfectly for them. She did say she felt like she would be missing out on some things but found it not as bad as she thought when she actually went back.

yeah no judging here at all.
If circumstances were different then I'd stay at home and he would work - that would be both of our preference btw and again it doesnt mean hes a bad father as you mentioned or I dont trust him. I just want to take on the more traditional role and I do feel (just my personal opinion) that a baby that young needs his/her mummy. I really hope this comment doesn't offend anyone.

I guess our mindset adjusts when we have no choice

 

[JustTrying]

My husband works 4 days a week and has our little boy one day a week while I work full time. I had. Hence of promotion and the money was too good to refuse basically. Plus, long term it has really good prospects. My husband was fed up in his job at the time so it worked out to be a positive for him to drop a day.

This time, we'll be using the shared parental leave option, this wasn't around when I had my little boy. I will have 6 months off and my husband will have 4 months off. Baby will then be in nursery 3 days and 1 day with grandma & 1 day with husband. Our eldest will be at preschool using free hours.

I wouldn't have felt confident leaving husband but he's fantastic and I have no worries. He likes a list of jobs to get done and is brilliant with our son.

Alipops x

This is exactly my situation. New job (grade up) even though with a different company and prospects of progressing to the next position up are higher hence why I dont want to jeopardize anything.

O/h hates work and would rather stay away as much as possible.

After second baby, I'd like to take advantage of shared parental leave too so neither of us miss out.

your arrangements are perfect!

 

[Eryinera]

When I was doing 2 days a week at work we had 5 tanks love they are hard work. Don't feel guilty for going back to work you're providing for your family and that's a great thing to do. Though I am starting to hate my job I feel trapped as it's a decent wage and good hours.

 

[Hoping for no2]

You could take shared parental leave this time as you will be eligible if you qualify for maternity allowance? That will allow you to take longer with baby, and then your husband could take the remainder? If he's planning to quit then you'd be better off financially, as you'd be getting the equivalent of SMP (without the first six weeks at 90%) for 33 weeks in addition to one of your salaries X