Sooooo fed up-OH doesn't 'get it'

[Little Bump]

We moved into this old farmhouse knowing there was a lot of work to be done.

Then I fell pregnant.

It's now currently 7 weeks 2 days until my due date....

I have carpets bought and in storage, (which can't go down until we've painted) I have tins of emulsion and gloss stacked up, rollers, brushes, curtain poles and curtains to put up (which can't go up until we've painted)...

Though I'm not arguing they look very nice, but they take a lot of effort and I'm sick and tired of quarry tile and slate floors, that seem almost pointless cleaning as nothing else is done and the house currently resembles a chaotic building site....

Soooo where is the OH?

Up a ladder painting the ceilings that need doing before the emulsioning?? (if they were done I could actually do the majority of the emulsioning myself)

Re-tiling the bathroom?

Glossing the woodwork that needs doing throughout the house?

Helping me in any way??

NOPE.

He got a phonecall and is out 'helping out a mate'

Now I used to love the way he'd help anyone out he could, but I'm sure his friends take the p*** a bit...as they're always too busy if we need a hand with anything. Maybe I'm being unreasonable and emotional as I'm stressed out...??

But why can't he help me, just once? This weekend he could have done the ceilings and the low/high painting and I could do the rest, then it would only take him 10 minutes to put the curtain poles up when I'd done. Then I can get my carpets down, as I'm damned well not putting them down until all painting's finished as the lounge one is axeminster and cost a bomb, the new furniture is all out undercover in the barn, and would take him and a friend an hour tops to bring in for me...I even borrowed a trolley thing so there's no lifting....We could be done in a couple of weekends, but no, he's out respraying a motorbike....

It's not even like there's that much to do, the kitchen is half painted, just needs finishing, the lounge wants emulsioning, the kitchen and lounge ceiling and the glossing of the woodwork....out of that I want him to do the ceilings, the very top and the very bottom of the emulsioning, I can get the rest done in the week....then my mum's coming over to help me get finished....

Oh I don't know, maybe I'm tired and cranky....but he's gone off playing and I've only just finished (from 10am this morning) doing the horses, ponies, feeding and walking the dogs, cleaning out the polecat, mopping the dog floors and washing up the pots he said he'd do last night after the dishwasher went bang and plunged the house into darkness

Rant over

 

[Sherlock]

Awww sorry things are a bit crap.

If it were me I'd point out about labour and baby being imminent now and that once LO is here you certainly won't be doing a lot of what you are doing now. And while its all well and good helping out a mate, he should put some time in to helping you before baby arrives. Once here things like decorating and so on won't be nice for a baby so should be done and out the way asap.

He needs to start putting you and baby first over his mates IMHO. Sure mates matter, but family takes priority in my book. Once he's done the things you want done then fair enough he can go help his mates.

 

[Hazel]

I know exactly how you feel. DH and I moved into our first house which needed a LOT of work 5 years ago. We've now done most of it (apart from the kitchen) and just waiting for baby to arrive then will put it on the market asap to buy another run down mess to do up .

I grew up on a building site so totally used to living in a mess and having to wear wellies to go outside.

Your OH is probably just as fed up with as you are and feels like he needs to escape from it occasionally. How about he does one thing a week? for instance he tiles the bathroom this weekend then next weekend he paints the woodwork? It all seems a lot less daunting breaking it down to little jobs. Sit down with him a make a list and put it on the calendar that way he knows what is expected of him then you won't have to keep nagging him to do it.

 

[Little Bump]

Thanks....

Sherlock-you know that and I know that lol and I even think he knows that, but doesn't want to admit it....Like today, I'll bet he has every intention of getting on when he gets home, then it'll be, 'I'll just sit down for half an hour' then 'Oooh such and such is on TV, it finishes in 10 minutes...' followed by 'Right, let's have a coffee then we'll crack on'

Only by then it'll be 7pm gone and he'll go 'well, it's pointless starting now, we'll have an early night and get on first thing...'

Then it'll be the same tomorrow....

Hazel-That it a good idea, and you made some good points, but he DOES get away from it all, I'm stuck here 24/7 and tbh it's gotten to the point I just don't know where to start...I was about to go and do the kitchen skirting boards myself, but now have to wait as Bump's tucked herself right under my rib and I need her to move...

Damned bump!

 

[aramintalovegrove]

Aqw hun I know how frustrating it is Ive been quite incapacitated this pregnancy and it seems to have rubbed off on my husband, I potter for hours getting stuff done he has half an hour and spends hours stating what he has done

when Ive really had enough I dont nag, I start to cry and the results are amazing!!!

 

[Redshoes]

You'll hopefully not notice it all once LO arrives, and just enjoy looking at them, very best wishes

 

[1sttimemum]

You could get all his mates round to help out, get them some beers in an order pizzas for when they've done, Make it appeal to his masculine side.

Or offer him a kinky bonus - thats what i have to do when im desperate for something to be done in the house. Bribery is a magical thing

 

[Steelgoddess]

Do what I did and threaten to do it yourself that's what I did.

We have been doing shit loads with the arrival of LO soon upon us, I sat OH down and made him realise that once little one is here (which although he may not, he COULD come early as early as 36 wks!).

Explain top him that once lo is here you won't really be able to do alot of stuff, not because of baby but because of fumes, ie no glossing sawing etc etc...

Also give him something to look forward to, I told OH he needs to cut down on going out and basically just get this stuff down and he has been making a real effort since that chat, I told him when the nursery is done he can go out and we'll also try and get away for the weekend...

They need stuff like that to look forward to, and they don't understand things like us...

I don't know if that helps but im basically saying sit him down and have a proper chat with him, tell him exactly how you feel and ask him how he feels, explain you are not comfy with everything being chaotic at the moment, tell him you understand he wants to help his friends but atm the lo takes precedence over that...