Social services involved with my 2yo **UPDATED**

[stacey_lea86]

Didn't want to read & run! My mum had SS involved (only found out last year or so) when we were kids as her house was disgusting. I HATED living in that house as it was SO VILE & it was something you would see on 'How clean is your house?'

Now you have done what you need to do, you need to keep on top of it. You may love your child dearly but if it is a problem that keeps arising, then you need to take a look & see what you can do about the situation!

Throw away EVERYTHING. Only keep things you use on a daily basis. Get storage boxes, shelves, cupboards (you can pick up some great sets on ebay) and put things away in there rightful places & everyday get yourself into a routine. Don't sit on a laptop, phone, shopping until all your daily chores are done! Sounds military, but really helps you get into a routine!


I Hated my childhood living in my mothers house & unfortunately she is STILL the same. I can't take my children round to visit as it is just filth! I am sure you don't want your daughter to feel the same in years to come. Being sad at having no friends & not wanting to have people round to play!

Good luck

 

[keepontrying]

I must echo what others have said here - whilst your not seeing the problem as being that serious and only acting because SS have taken your child from your custody you must realise that it is your responsibility to provide a safe clean and hygenic environment for your children.
SS are not an enemy they are there to help raise the standards that children live in.
Your whole household must change their behavior now and permanently. You must clean your house daily, not from top to bottom but do something each day, clear items away, makes sure clothes and bed linen are washed often, you and your children should bathe each day, these things are simple and really there is no excuse for these not being in place.
If your kitchen smells check the bins - wash them inside and out with bleach, do you have a fat fryer - if you do bin it, it unhealthy anyway!, wash out the inside of your fridge with soapy water, clean every spot... this is the area your food is prepared so must be scrupulous!

I really hope that you have the sense to get this under control because it really must be a serious issue for them to have removed your LO.

 

[JJ Mum]

Sounds like you have put in some brilliant hard work to change your home hun - well done

I struggle with keeping ontop of my house, but we had no storage or much furniture, so may be worth a look at a local charity store, we have a heart foundation furniture one, and I got a Bookcase, sofa , and a dvd storage cupboard recently. Having things out of boxes and everything having a place makes a big difference and also to the way you feel for your home. The more pride you have in everything, the more you will want to clean. I do it all in the evening once Devon and kids in bed, i don't allow myself to sit down with my cuppa and laptop , till it's all done. That can be very late , but you feel great knowing your all sorted and coming down to a clean , ready to go kitchen is just the best feeling.

Why don't you start decorating, freshening up the place once you have got your daughter back as the more you love your home, the more pride and the cleaner you will be, vicous circle.

Just think you have plenty of time to get this sorted and routene practiced ready before new baby arrives.

I would have a word with your mum, although maybee she did it as a last resort, but ask her to speak to you rather than call SS next time, and that if she does tell you your slipping, do listen and tell you that you will listen, it's much easier to handle this between yourselves rather than having SS ibutting their nose in.

We has SS involved recently as my cat stole some chicken off my sons plate and so my husband got up and shouted as my son for not shooing him away quicker, and then grabbed the cat and put him in the garden and my daughter then told school she was scared of her dad and that he had killed the cat as she couldn't find him! Long story, sorted now, but what a nightmare at the time, school councilers, home visits etc , so I understand hun x

Keep up the good work and let us know when your daughter comes home.
(check the washing machine, mine smells sometimes for some reason when it goes round!)

 

[charliebear]

Do you use gel washing stuff in the machine? Mine got a nasty smell after I used the gel for a while. Apparently is doesn't get rid of the grease and muck in the pipes like the powder does.

 

[Welshhunniexx]

Bit annoyed today

social worker was supposed to come this arvo. house is cleaner again and found the route of the smell, our male rats had been spraying. rats have now gone, along with the smell.
what im annoyed about is firstly, i had to call her to find out what time she was coming and now secondly, she just called to cancel and we wont see her till tuesday. another weekend without my darling girl here.

just feeling a bit down now x x

 

[ZMD]

glad you sorted the smell, i hope when they come tuesday you get your little girl back xx

 

[Geminiblue]

Welshhunnie please dont think Im being harsh..but... considering you thought that you werent going to get her back til after Christmas and you have been told about this problem before, I think you really need to be patient.

I cant bear the thought of having my child away over night so I cant begin to imagine what you are going through not having her with you, but you were told about this before, so please, learn from what has happened and dont let it happen again and you wont be in a position of waiting for other people to decide whether your child comes home or not. The fact that she is coming home so soon is brilliant
Hope you dont take offense xxx

 

[Mamafy]

Use this weekend to give the house a good cleaning, open the windows and clean and clean. If you've got carpets perhaps go and hire a carpet cleaner (you can from homebase) and clean windows, wash curtains, clean cupboards etc.

What's your lo's bedroom like? X

 

[Welshhunniexx]

Sorry for late update.
hopes bedroom is immaculate, always has been. ss even said thats the room of least concern.

ss have just been. MY BABY GIRL CAN COME HOME!! Just waiting on ss to call my mam then we can go get her. thank you for all your help guys x x

 

[babystar]

I've had ss involved since me and my ex-hubby since last year, then got together with my OH and thats when all the trouble started, my ex-MIL called ss on me and OH saying she was concerned for the safety of my 3 boys (15, 13 and 10), my OH has 2 kids (girl 15 and boy 14). Anyway cut a long story short two of my boys (15 and 13) now live with ex-MIL as she now has perantal responbilty, that was down to the stupid bitch of a social worker and now my 10 year now lives with his dad in south wales.
But the thing which annoys me and OH is that i found i was pg at the end of July (but had a MMC end of Aug), but cause you have to put on your maternity notes have ss been involved i said yes, anyway the day we found out baby had no heartbeat social worker phoned me to tell me she had told my ex-MIL, we have complained about her as she had no right to no.

Really sorry about the long story, just wanted to say how RUBBISH ss are.

 

[ZMD]

So pleased your daughter's coming home x

 

[daniph1]

Just a word from a legal side. If your chil;d is not on the at risk register, they cannot remove child from your care without your consent or a court order. Even if on the ARR, very difficult to remove. If you consent to the removal ( because they say you have to - which a lot do) this is called a s.20 agreemnet and you can withdraw your consent at any time.

From a parental point of view - keep up the hard work. I work fulltime 5 days per week from 9-5. two hours commute each day on top of that! My house is immaculate. You just have to priorotise. I rise at 6am every day and do an hour of housework prior to lo getting up then when I get home from wrk at about 630 - another hour. Its tiring and I get little help from DH but its worth it so I can sit back and relax when its done - and its never a HIGE task and chore! xxxx

 

[Lovisa]

Not sure if hope is already at home with you it not but so glad everything is looking up for you.
If the problem is mainly with ex-mil and ss worker can't you ask to have a different ss worker if they still need to be in the picture?
(sorry i can't say more as don't know the full story or how ss work, apart from obviously what you've told us, but I do truly hope everything starts looking up for you all).
Sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts hun xx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Okay... i am a bit grubby and have had some problems in the past keeping things clean but i have NEVER had ss called on me because of the state my child is in (which makes me think that you have to be pretty dirty for this situation to arise)

here are some of the things i have noticed on this thread

1. you keep rats? Are rats more important that your child? No, then dont keep vermin as pets in your home (simple) - in fact, dont keep ANY pets in your home, your children are your world and you obviously need to pay more attention to them and their hygiene so how are you going to have time to care for an animal properly?

2. Have a daily routine, to get a daily routine (coz these things dont just happen) sit down with a pen and paper and decide what you can do to improve your living space. So the junk (and yes it is junk) that you have piled up around the living room, what is it? I mean is it REALLY that important to you?

anyway, so grab a pen, walk around the house and decide exactly what you can do to sort this out on a continuing basis

here is my weekly routine thread (because i just lost a baby i have been trying to keep active and not get depressed, so i have kept a very strict routine and it might just help you to have a look at it) http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/miscarriage-support/214289-weekly-scheduele-turning-into-all-things-bb-sorta-diary.html

Now, as part of YOUR daily routine you need to

make one room in your house COMPLETELY immaculate, i mean, scrub, hoover, wash the sofa cushions, and (very importantly) throw away or charity shop ONE BIN BAG OF STUFF A DAY

do this for a week at least.

you HAVE to find a bin bag full of stuff that you are prepared to part with, perhaps it will be a stack of magazines you've been 'collecting' or old clothes that you never wear, or all the stuff to do with the rats you are no longer going to be keeping because your children are more important than having vermin in the house...

That is your mission. To have a complete and utter breakdown of every single day for the next week

This day MUST include

dressing + feeding children
washing children
general tidy (meaning all living spaces, kitchen and dining room)
hoover
washload
throwing away of one bin bag of crap/junk
completely blitzing one room in the house

and whatever around that is part of YOUR daily routine

You can do this but you will have to be militant with yourself, write the list for tomorrow before you go to bed tonight and tick things off as you do them.

SS wont know what hit them x

 

[Amyrose]

I has ss called to me but for totally bogus reasons they actually praised me for what a fab mum i am and how happy my children are and what a nice home we have. there case was closed as soon as it opened i have been reported by the same person 4 times now. social services were very helpful and actually told me they would be on my side if i wanted to file charges against this person. I think very highly of ss and think they only have childrens best interests at heart. Some poor little kiddies need them to be there voice. My kids were some of the lucky ones that get reported for bogus reasons some kids need ss to step in the way i see it is if you are being the best parent you can be then anyone can knock on your door and come in and ask all the questions they like.

 

[AnnaWiggles]

I agree with others, the house must be in a pretty dire state for your daughter to be removed from your care. SS act in the best interests of the child, and try to keep them at home with their parents as much as possible and only remove them if absolutely necessary. Good for you for sorting the house out, keep going and hopefully you will get your little girl back soon! xx

 

[titch]

I think very highly of ss and think they only have childrens best interests at heart. Some poor little kiddies need them to be there voice.

totally agree, I feel really sad when people slate SS or use them as a threat, for all Ive seen their involvement brings extra support, sometimes respite, practical support, financial support, Ive seen mums get free massages for relaxation, fast track access to counselling, professional cleaners to help people get on their feet. Respite care for parents of kids with complex difficulties, funding for specialist cots for autistic kids who dont sleep and parents need them to be safe so they can relax and sleep.... the list goes on. People this SS is this massive threat and a weapon to use, but honestly, as long as you do what they ask, like the original poster did, they really arent going to cause you problems. They want you do get things together for the sake of your kids, they know taking the kids away is emotionally devistating for everyone concerned, as well as costing a fortune. theyre with you not against you, but theyre on the kids side first and foremost.

 

[AnnaWiggles]

I think very highly of ss and think they only have childrens best interests at heart. Some poor little kiddies need them to be there voice.

totally agree, I feel really sad when people slate SS or use them as a threat, for all Ive seen their involvement brings extra support, sometimes respite, practical support, financial support, Ive seen mums get free massages for relaxation, fast track access to counselling, professional cleaners to help people get on their feet. Respite care for parents of kids with complex difficulties, funding for specialist cots for autistic kids who dont sleep and parents need them to be safe so they can relax and sleep.... the list goes on. People this SS is this massive threat and a weapon to use, but honestly, as long as you do what they ask, like the original poster did, they really arent going to cause you problems. They want you do get things together for the sake of your kids, they know taking the kids away is emotionally devistating for everyone concerned, as well as costing a fortune. theyre with you not against you, but theyre on the kids side first and foremost.

Very well said, couldn't agree more!