So upset and feel horribly selfish

[Loveandpeace]

Hey everyone Im just sat here near in tears writing this.
Ttc baby 1 and im due to ovulate any moment or day now. I took a half day from work today to come and visit my Mum who has cancer & lives an hour a half away from me. She is on her own & had the doctor out today because she had a high temp & so she had to get antibiotics for a chest infection.She is geneally ok and able to manage physically but just feeling like crap. She is feeling quite low as you can imagine so I was about to leave to go back home to hubby but she begged & cried for me to stay over with her (she does this quite a lot as since her diagnosis doesnt like being on her own). So what do you do? I cant just leave her. My sister lives around the corner and has 3 kids so its never expected of her and she never asks her. As I dont have kids its always on me to stay with her when she asks.
Anyway so I was hoping to have a relaxing night BD with hubby to get ready to catch the egg. Now its not happening and I am so frustrated I could cry. We seem to have one thing or the other happening around ovulation these past few months (last cycle my mum was in hospital so i was there every single day & stressed & exhausted and the one before that she was in treatment and asked me to stay with her for a few days around my fertile time).
I feel awfully selfish writing this because I know what my mother is going through is pure hell with her illness but Im just fed up & will probably miss our chance again this month. I am leaving in the morning to go back to hubby but he has to work all day tomorrow and wont see him til the evening....so fx its not too late. Thanks for listening xx

 

[Wren83]

Oh no, don't feel bad, it must be so frustrating to have things happen each month and when you only get one chance a month it is difficult not to feel upset at a lost chance.
Fingers crossed it's not too late tomorrow x

 

[mylullaby]

Aww lovely it sounds like such a tough time for you and your family right now. Please don't feel like a bitch for feeling sad and frustrated. TTC is tough at the best of times, never mind when your mum is ill and the burden is on you to be there for her. My mum is having cancer treatment at the moment too btw and it's so hard sometimes to live your own life when you feel like you should be putting everything on hold. Not sure if this is something you'd consider but trying to put myself in your shoes. Could you open up about ttc to your mum? Not necessarily "sorry mum can't stop, gotta get back and get down to it" but more like "look this is our situation and rather than seeing us as carefree and without any ties, we actually do have stuff going on and here's what's happening with us". I mean you'd have to be careful to word it so she doesn't take it as you don't have time for her, just maybe open up and talk about how hard you're finding things at the moment? Just an idea..

Take care xx

 

[mylullaby]

Oh and jump him whenever you get chance even if it's mechanical quick get the sperm in sex because you just never know!!

 

[Loveandpeace]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and not judging.
I havent even told my Mum we're ttc as everything is all about her wellbeing and fighting cancer & I want to be seen to be focusing on that and not about me. But I had considered telling her something along the lines of us ttc & fertile time but like you say lullaby its trying to word it. We are also househunting and have that going on too. My whole family think hubby and I have all this free time to be able to alter our plans at the drop of a hat just because we dont have children. Its very irritating & hubby is annoyed too about tonight,but he understands all the same.
I had reflexology today before I drove to my Mums in preparation for relaxing & destressing for ovulation but it now feels like a waste of time. I checked my CP earlier and its soft & high for the first time since ive been checking the past few days.......
Oh well. I will definitely be jumping hubby the first chance I get tomorrow anyway & hope for the best xx

 

[KatD]

FX it won't be too late to catch the egg. I can only imagine what you must feel like. Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling put down about having your plans cancelled. You aren't selfish for how you feel, you still stayed by your mum's side because you love her and because you placed her well being before your own wishes and wants. That is not what I would call selfish. That's someone who values others and would do anything to ensure the well being of her loved ones. You have such a beautiful personality. I know what it feels like, my husband and I are the only ones left in our group of friends who do not have kids and I have even been told by one of them that because of it I am simply not on her level and can't possibly understand what she is going through on a day to day basis. It hurt, but I also get where she is coming from so I can't hold it against her...even though I wish she would have rather thought it and not say it out loud. So, I understand that people automatically think you can't possibly have that much to do, or that much stress or that many plans because you only have yourself and your husband to cater for...lol the only reason I'm not pushing to TTC earlier than December is because my husband made plans for December, I am pushing to start October though, not much can happen if by some miracle I happen to catch the egg on the first try..but we all know how that goes..xxx anyway I'm banging on about myself. Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your mum...she is in my prayers and so are you

 

[Selina13]

Ahh Loveandpeace Im so sorry about your mum and that you have so much pressure on at the moment, ttc is hard enough without other issues.
Im not surprised that you are feeling upset, I really do think you should explain to your mum about ttc and say that there are certain times that you really need to be home, dont forget that sperm can survive for up to 7 days so hopefully you will have chance to catch the egg.
I think your mum will be understanding and it may even make her feel excited to take her mind off her illness to share the journey with you.

I hope its your month and you get you bfp soon. Xx

 

[Niknaknoo]

Love and peace what a difficult time for you and I understand your frustration completely. I would definitely tell her as it will give her something to take her mind off being ill. I don't think focusing on it all the time is healthy - If she has something else to hope for it will encourage her to fight the cancer!
I wish your mum a full and speedy recovery. X

 

[Sunflower1]

I'd tell her you are ttc. The thought of a possible grandchild might cheer her up and she's less likely to want you to stay over and miss your chance.

 

[Sparklegirl]

Its very hard work, both of my parents have had cancer and its such a terrible time. I understand you have not mentioned TTC so she can focus on fighting the cancer but I wonder if she might be able to fight it even harder with something like a grandchild to look forward to? She might be a little more understanding and might try to involve your sister a little more so she can take some of the weight off you. Good luck with it, I hope that BFP is just around the coner

 

[Sk8erzeh]

So Sorry to hear this hun. Things might be easier if she knew that you're ttc. I hope you get your bfp and that your mom gets better very soon. Hugs

 

[Mystery26]

Could you not just call hubby and ask him to join you at your mums?

 

[Loveandpeace]

Thank you everyone,

I really would like to tell Mum that we are TTC, however the main issue with this is that she is not the best at keeping things to herself! I want to keep our TTC journey private and unfortunately I wouldn't be able to trust my Mum 100% not to tell anyone else, whether its family or her friends. As much as I love her, she does have a tendancy to 'let things slip' as she would say, even if I asked her to keep it quiet.

Anyway so managed to DTD Saturday evening and again yesterday so it's just FX now! x

 

[Loveandpeace]

FX it won't be too late to catch the egg. I can only imagine what you must feel like. Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling put down about having your plans cancelled. You aren't selfish for how you feel, you still stayed by your mum's side because you love her and because you placed her well being before your own wishes and wants. That is not what I would call selfish. That's someone who values others and would do anything to ensure the well being of her loved ones. You have such a beautiful personality. I know what it feels like, my husband and I are the only ones left in our group of friends who do not have kids and I have even been told by one of them that because of it I am simply not on her level and can't possibly understand what she is going through on a day to day basis. It hurt, but I also get where she is coming from so I can't hold it against her...even though I wish she would have rather thought it and not say it out loud. So, I understand that people automatically think you can't possibly have that much to do, or that much stress or that many plans because you only have yourself and your husband to cater for...lol the only reason I'm not pushing to TTC earlier than December is because my husband made plans for December, I am pushing to start October though, not much can happen if by some miracle I happen to catch the egg on the first try..but we all know how that goes..xxx anyway I'm banging on about myself. Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your mum...she is in my prayers and so are you

Thank you for your lovely reply .

It does hurt when people say things like that (about not understanding if you dont have children) and I have got the point now where I distance myself from some friends who make it obvious.

FX for your TTC journey for this year xxx

 

[KatD]

FX it won't be too late to catch the egg. I can only imagine what you must feel like. Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling put down about having your plans cancelled. You aren't selfish for how you feel, you still stayed by your mum's side because you love her and because you placed her well being before your own wishes and wants. That is not what I would call selfish. That's someone who values others and would do anything to ensure the well being of her loved ones. You have such a beautiful personality. I know what it feels like, my husband and I are the only ones left in our group of friends who do not have kids and I have even been told by one of them that because of it I am simply not on her level and can't possibly understand what she is going through on a day to day basis. It hurt, but I also get where she is coming from so I can't hold it against her...even though I wish she would have rather thought it and not say it out loud. So, I understand that people automatically think you can't possibly have that much to do, or that much stress or that many plans because you only have yourself and your husband to cater for...lol the only reason I'm not pushing to TTC earlier than December is because my husband made plans for December, I am pushing to start October though, not much can happen if by some miracle I happen to catch the egg on the first try..but we all know how that goes..xxx anyway I'm banging on about myself. Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your mum...she is in my prayers and so are you

Thank you for your lovely reply .

It does hurt when people say things like that (about not understanding if you dont have children) and I have got the point now where I distance myself from some friends who make it obvious.

FX for your TTC journey for this year xxx

thank you xxxx