SO not ready for a baby/having chronic and genetic conditions :(

[LightAndShade]

Hi ladies, lately I've been struggling a lot thinking about motherhood and the things I think about.

I'm 23 and me and my SO are in a long distance relationship. But sometimes it gets to me as I've always wanted to be a mom, rather sooner than later. (I got sick during my early teenage years so I matured a lot faster)

What gets me down is of course there's a huge distance and he's not ready, being a main reason. He's still in university aswell, which I fully support. But it's hard to get him to understand it from my perpective on the rather "sooner than later" aspect.

But what bugs me a lot is how I need my pain medication to function and if I were to ever be pregnant, I assume that might not be good for the baby. So I just think about how the pain is already horrible now if I'm a bit late on refilling my script, what would it be like a few years from now then/in the near future or when my health goes even more downhill? Also recent symptoms I've been having like sudden break outs on my skin, break through bleedings while taking my birthcontrol(I take the mini-pill) and knowing how my menstrual cycle is very irregular, it worries me about fertility issues.

I have Lupus and many other auto-immune diseases that are known to be genenetic. (Sjögren, Dysautonomia, neurologocal involvement and things like Gastroparesis etc etc too much to sum up right now)

I would never want my future child, especially if it were to be a girl to go through that.(Seeing how the chances would be higher when it comes to being a female)But at the same time I know I always wanted to be a mom, I still do. Does anyone else struggle with this? It's hard for me to talk about it and especially when my mother in lwa mentions how she wants a grandbaby, and I know in my heart I always wanted to be a mom but knowing my SO is not ready just makes it hard and just having that feeling like your biological clock is ticking faster.

Thanks in advance!

 

[_GG_]

Hi ladies, lately I've been struggling a lot thinking about motherhood and the things I think about.

I'm 23 and me and my SO are in a long distance relationship. But sometimes it gets to me as I've always wanted to be a mom, rather sooner than later. (I got sick during my early teenage years so I matured a lot faster)

What gets me down is of course there's a huge distance and he's not ready, being a main reason. He's still in university aswell, which I fully support. But it's hard to get him to understand it from my perpective on the rather "sooner than later" aspect.

But what bugs me a lot is how I need my pain medication to function and if I were to ever be pregnant, I assume that might not be good for the baby. So I just think about how the pain is already horrible now if I'm a bit late on refilling my script, what would it be like a few years from now then/in the near future or when my health goes even more downhill? Also recent symptoms I've been having like sudden break outs on my skin, break through bleedings while taking my birthcontrol(I take the mini-pill) and knowing how my menstrual cycle is very irregular, it worries me about fertility issues.

I have Lupus and many other auto-immune diseases that are known to be genenetic. (Sjögren, Dysautonomia, neurologocal involvement and things like Gastroparesis etc etc too much to sum up right now)

I would never want my future child, especially if it were to be a girl to go through that.(Seeing how the chances would be higher when it comes to being a female)But at the same time I know I always wanted to be a mom, I still do. Does anyone else struggle with this? It's hard for me to talk about it and especially when my mother in lwa mentions how she wants a grandbaby, and I know in my heart I always wanted to be a mom but knowing my SO is not ready just makes it hard and just having that feeling like your biological clock is ticking faster.

Thanks in advance!

Bless you. I think you can put the actual decision on hold until you and OH are not so far apart as that support will be crucial. What your MIL thinks and wants is understandable, but it's not her life or her decision.

I think the best thing you can do is book in with your gp just to talk over the whole thing, get facts and not assumptions and that will give you a clearer idea of what it could all mean for you and any baby.

Big hugs for you. It sounds like you could just break into tears reading that but lots of your fears may be misplaced. Go and get medical advice and support. Xx

 

[LightAndShade]

Thank you so much for your lovy reply. ♡ It actually took me a lot of courage to write that down.

I will definity talk to my gp about this on my next appointment, she's also a female and hopefully she can comfort me with answers about many things and assure me tgat me and a future baby will be fine.

My OH and me have a 6 hour difference as I live all the way in Europe. It's sometimes hard to feel ready when he's not+tge distance and have a lot of thoughts on your mind, dealing with baby talk being mentioned when I go there to visit. It just brings up the topic on my mind again and brings me down to tearing up about it.

Thank you for your comforting words and the hugs♡ I definitely appreciate that so much. X x

 

[lillith112]

I know exactly how you feel about the long distance relationship, my OH lives 5 hours drive away from me, we have been ttc for 3yrs and it's a nightmare trying to arrange fertile days to try. He is carer for his mum who is bed bound so the only way we can be together is me uprooting my 3 kids and moving up there. But with us time has run out, I'm 45 now. I think you should find out from your Dr where you stand regarding your health and pregnancy. Make plans for your future with your partner, you really need to be living together to have a child. Think positive that you are very young and have lots of time on your side. I really hope it all works out for you both. x