so down

[Tara & Liam]

i dont know where to start but i just feel so down. i dont know who penned the saying 'its a mans world' but they are definitely right.

i am tired of being married and i feel like i am just lodging with someone. i go out to work and DH stays home, he needs an operation on his wrist as the first one didnt work so he wouldnt be able to work anyway (hes a plasterer) so i go out, but every day is a chore as i have to leave the boys. i changed jobs so that i get more holiday, but it doesnt feel good enough. i get tired of all his family saying that hes such a good dad, he stays at home, etc and he needs to do other things as he needs to get out. but what about me, i work in a school, we have children in our office all day long who arent the best behaved. i dont do any of my interests as mine take time (used to work with horses) plus we havent got that sort of money at the moment.

hes taken the oldest to football and i am at home with the others because they have colds, i dont mind. and he said that when he gets back we will go to the park but because i said that i was going round his sisters for a couple of hours when he gets home, he goes off in a strop. last week i was sent home as i had a migraine where i was vomiting. i went to back to bed and at 12 he gave me liam to look after while he picked up josh and i didnt stop looking after him from then on. he even went football training (he trains kids) didnt even ask me if i felt all right to look after liam.

i am just tired of him. then i get his sisters saying to me, that if we split up he would get the kids as he looks after them all day.

 

[Jo]

Aww hun
I don't really know what to say, i didn't want to read and run
You deff need some you time

and as for peoplpe say ing how great he is etc... would they say that about you if you were at home and he was working??? i doubt it beacuase people still see amums place as being at home

As for him giving you Liam to look after when you were ill that is so not on!!!

Also tell his sisters to shut up as they don't seem to helping your state of mind

I suggest a sit down with Hubby and let it all out

 

[Strangeness]

I agree with Jo hun you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. If you don't you'll end up resenting him. I think he was bang out of order for bringing you the baby to look after when you were feeling so poorly! I think we all have days where we feel like we are stuck in a rut because everyday is the same. Could you imagine being without your hubby? His sisters are talking crap about him getting the kids.

 

[Lyn_no3]

hiya somedays i totally agree with you, why the hell cant men be normal for gods sake, why are they so bloody selfish?

really hope you get things sorted and pamper yourself a bit over crimbo hopefully that will help

 

[rach]

not really sure what to say hun i hope you get things sorted soon and im sending you big hugs xxxxx

 

[sarah113]

not really sure what to say hun, but heres a big hug from me

 

[Em78]

sorry things arent so good at the mo hun. sometimes i think men just dont see it - they can be very self centred and i honestly dont think they even mean to be.

sounds like he has just got so used to you doing it all that he has forgotton you need a break sometimes and would appreciate some help and some recognition too. a gentle (or not so gentle!) reminder might do the trick?

ignore his sister she has no idea what she is on about - is she a family law lawyer? No? then she best keep her silly opinions to herself - my guess is its all a bit more complex than that.

hope you work things out hun

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[nicki]

Like Jo said, I think you need to sit down & have a long chat with your DH about how you're feeling otherwise it will just eat away at you & things will never improve.
Men aren't generally that sensitive & just don't think sometimes & things need to be pointed out to them

When you DH has this operation will he then go back to work?

Just remeber that you are a great Mum & his sisters are being very insensitive by saying the things they are saying, he may be a great Dad, I expect most are, but it sounds like they saying it to be nasty. Ignore them.
As for the whole football thing grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (damn that game!) that wasn't a nice thing to do but again, I think these things have to be pointed out to them as they just don't see it (you being ill) men seem to wear blinkers most the time (generally to suit them tho.!)

I hope you get it sorted out hun

 

[pammie]

AW Hun

Am really sorry your going through this. Wish I knew what to say to help you as you have been there for me so much the past few months.
all i can really sugest is that you sit down and talk to him tell him how run down you are feeling and how you would want things to change.

As for his sisters they havent a clue what there talking about just because somebody is with the children all day doesnt mean they get custody. every aspect is looked at. My brother stayed home all day with his son and his wife got custody when they split up, it just depends on the circumstances.

ASk his helpful sisters to look after the children while you have some time alone together to talk about things together. I have realised that men dont always realise there is a problem until it is gentley pointed out to them (or at least that is what my partner is like)

I hope you can sort things out together.
Thinking of you
Pam xxxx

 

[Ju]

 

[kirlykird]

 

[Tara & Liam]

hi thanks for all your messages.

Feeling much better now. still havent thrashed it all out with DH yet, but I am soon.

I think that it was the fact that i changed jobs and we are moving, and it was just too much. i do miss the boys a lot, and i suppose i resent him a lot for being with them all the time.

You are right, men are blinkered you have to spell it out to them in black and white. i know that when i tell him how insensitive he was when he went football then he would just say that i should have told him. but i know that if i had said something then he would have been in a huff all evening.

with regard to the returning back to work. i dont think that he will ever be strong enough to return to plastering but he has expressed interest in maybe becoming a postie. now if this is the case then, i might either reduce my hours here at the school or give up all together. either way i will mention all this after his operation, dont want to scare him now.

thanks for all your support, it really does help hearing peoples comments.

xxxxx