So down

[Layla]

hi girls

i have been debating wether to post this or not, my problems seem so minor compared to what a few of you are going through....

but i have to get all this out and i havent got anyone who would understand like you lot. it might not make much sense coz i cant put it in any sort of order, just going to blurt it all out.

I am so down at the mo, I still cant accept that im not prengnat anymore, all i keep thinking is, i would be 12 to 15 weeks by now if i hadnt have lost it. i want to get pregnant again so badly but nothing seems to be happening with me.
I got positive OPK but had no rise in temp so its all very disapointing.
i know i should wait untill AF then start on a normal cycle, but until i ovulate i cant even do that!

now its causeing trouble between me and Jase, i have been very quite, down and snappy the past few days and yesterday it caused a row between us, he said i have been moody, i said no, ive been down, its not my fauly you cant tell teh diffrence by now.
we went to bed faceing away from each other last night, it was horrible, anbd everything i say to him since then, he bites my head off.

im also down about my weight, i have piled on so much since having Coby, but i could justifie it coz i was prengant again, my plan is to go on a seroius diet after the next baby is born coz its my final one so i can conserntrate on loseing the weight i want.
but now im not prengant i cant justife it and i feel so horrible about myself. but my way of thinking is, i dont want to diet if im going to catch coz i dont want anything to get in the way of this pregnancy, if i ever do catch, need to bloody ovulate first!!

im sorry, this has all just come out and it prob doesnt make much sense, and im sorry if i seem insenitive or whingy.

feel like i want to sleep for ages, sleeping is the only time im not thinking or getting upset about it

meh!

xxx

 

[Emma22]

ah Layla im sorry your feeling so down, i cant offer any advise but i can offer lots of x

 

[arcanegirl]

Layla. I dont know what to say really but were all here for you

 

[Dee1985]

Layla babes.

i dont like knowing my friends are upset.

i understand with longing to be pregnant and thinking what if i was ect. but babes every thing happens for a reason i dont no why and some times god has wicked ways.

when i had a m/c nefore i ever had children i was devistated, i went for my 12weeks scan seen a 13week old baby with such a slow heart beat i was told it was near anough dead. after the d&c every thing i done i was addicted to the thought of being pregnant i eat sleeped breath pregnancy i had sex every night not that i wanted to half the time i would cry through sex but i was so desperate then i got preg and started bleeding at 8weeks. i was totaly devistated i poushed every one away then night i would have sex and do a preg test all the time. but then it all got to much i gave up.
i relaxed had sex only when i wanted then one day out the blue i was preg.
i think all the stressing is no good.

im not into all this charting ect iv never heard of it but i think it just makes it all to technical when it should just be a natural laid back thing.

i no its easier said then done, but dont be hard on your self

count your lucky stars you have 3 beautiful healthy children, if its ment to be it will happen

just cheer up babes.... ps i think your a yummy mummy. no way near fat.

 

[HayleyB]

Aww hun i know how you feel.
In January i was a wreck cos i'd have been due then, and it seemed like all my friends had their babies on or around my due date.
And now i should be 6 months, and there are days when i just start crying in the middle of tescos or the street really wherever i am!
And Graham has no idea whats going on... he says "are you ok" which is obviously the wrong thing to say... and he gets the "no - and you should know why i'm not"
Which then spirals!

I can't offer you any advise really. I just wanted to let you know i do the same!

 

Babe I'm sorry you're feeling down, wanted to send you a big hug, we'll get there togther again babe, I promise
How about making an appointment to see your GP and ask if there is anything they can do to encourage the bleeding? They sometimes give you a pill to make you bleed which can set your cycle back to normal afterwards as your body has had a clear out. I had to have that once.
I'm on MSN if you need me xxxxx

 

[bexxie]

Hi layla

Have you had an AF yet since the M/C?

The reason i ask is there is still a chance of you being pregnant if you havent had one,I didnt even Ovulate layla and am pregnant,it can happen as there is more chance you will fall as your body is primed for pregnancy.

is there a chance you can go out for a nice meal with Jase and have a relaxing evening? You probably need this break for a few hours,give you a chance to put some make-up on and dress up. Will make you feel lovely. You look lovely ( I see your pic) you are by no means fat,I think you are well pretty but you have to learn to love yourself to heal first sweetie.

I am on msn if you ever need to talk
B.X

 

[Cat&Noah]

Hunny I so know where your coming from, sort of not knowing what the hell is going on. I still dont have faith in my chart and even try to convince myself Im still PG and the nurses were wrong. And you sort of feel like you cant get on with your life in the mean time. I want to exercise to sort out my distorted stomach muscles but I think whats the point, before It would even make a difference I would prob have to stop cause sit ups when PG isnt a good idea inless I want a hernia! Also with looking at moving house, I dont know what to do about work, cause I will need another job but no one will employ me if Im PG etc etc. I so wanted to have a baby before summer of next year too, cause I didnt want to be third trimester in the heat of summer again, but looks like that wont happen now. Its so hard when you know what you want and have everything planed, but unfortunatly your body doesnt want to co-operate.

I know its hard but you just need to try to relax, you have children so you know you dont have fertility problems, so its just a case of waiting. Although I really think it woud help you to consult a doctor as its been so long without AF and your cramps. I think if anything it will set your mind at rest instead of just not knowing what the hell is going on.

I agree with bexxie, you need to have a nice night out with jase to take your mind off it all, and give you some quality time together.

 

[Tam]

Hi Babe

Your post is not insensitive norr whingy!!!!!

I am so sorry you are so down babe, but it is very understandable......you have just lost a baby and you are grieving!!!!!

It must be so hard for you to deal with that a lone, without the fact that you are TTC too.........

As for your weight babe, I am sure you are nothing like you are imagining you look like......we always see ourselves worse than we are, and I totally understand what you said about not losing it now if you are going to fall pg. I am the same, I am determined to shed every pound I gained when I have had this LO. But meanwhile babe, you have to try and stop being so down on yourself......you sound like you are putting so much pressure on yourself it is no wonder you are feeling down babe!!

Try to forget about your weight, you can deal with that at any time.........you know what you have to do and you can get on and do it when you have had your next LO.

Talk to Jase, tell him everything you have said on here, make him understand why you are down so he can support you like you need it.

As for TTC.......try to make it as fun as poss for both of you in and out of the bedroom, you need quality time together too. You probably both want this as much as eachother, but with all the pressure you are putting on yourself, there is every chance Jase is also putting himself under pressure with knowing how much you want to be pg. TALK!!!! And then support eachother, you can't do this alone babe, I know you know that, but you need his support, and he may need yours too. He may be really worried about you too, but is not sure how to approach you about it.

I have no idea how you feel babe, I can't even try to imagine........but you really need to take alot of pressure off of yourself babe, you really do......you need to look after YOU and then hopefully you will be PG again in no time.

I am so sorry for all you are going thru babe, I really hope things get better for you very soon xx

 

[rach]

awww layla hun different circumstances i know but i do know how you feel you will get there babe xxxxxxx

 

[loulou1980]

aww layla darling

 

[Wobbles]

Aww Layla *Hugs*

I understand most if not all of your post. My OH says I’m a walking ‘B’ & hey he’s right but like you say (sort of) he should know the difference with being a vindictive ‘B’ & the fact my mental, emotional & physical state has a big part in it. No matter how much I try to get him to understand I always just appear to be the impossible one in our relationship while he toddles on with what ever he is doing!

I’ve had a MASSIVE row with my OH recently & it’s really upset me & although I am darn annoyed with his *I am right* routine I want to get my relationship back on track. My OH was sleeping on the couch for 3 nights, not even in the bed with backs turned & when I got up he went into the bedroom. It actually gave me something to think about – I want kids with this man yet we’re falling apart as a couple pretty rapid over the TTC lark.

I share your pain with the dates Layla, not sure you noticed but that month I MC your due date was the same as mine & I was so gutted for you as I was following your posts & ticker.

Don’t beat yourself up over your weight, sorry but some people suit their weight & when I went to the hospital today & the doctor asked my weight the first thing that came out of my mouth was “I’m happy with my weigh” … “but yes my doctor told me I was a fat cow, I like it” an I do, I’d like to shape up a bit more than loose it if I’m honest. I looked ghostly thin when I was a size 10/12 it really wasn’t nice as I have quite a long face. Anyway HA @ me rambling! Like you say you have babies & that does affect many women’s weight. We love you & most of all Jase & your kiddies love you for who you are … YOU x

 

[Layla]

thanks girls, me and jase made up last night and had a good chat about everything.
he wants to get pregnant just as much as me but isnt to worried as he says it will happen when my body is ready.
he also isnt bothered about my weight in the slightest.

going to see the nurse today for the dreeded smear test so i might mention it to her and see what she says about why i havent ovulated yet

xxx

 

[rach]

awww glad you and jase are sorted hun good luck today xxx

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

sorry you were feeling down hun glad you and Jase made up though.
Good luck at the docs hope you conceive soon.
Katrina

 

[Jaidy]

Been thinking about you lots lately Layla, you take good care of yourself you hear??

Glad you had a chat with Jase, as BT says its good to talk and this is so true.

This may sound ridiculous and you will prob be thinking 'Shut up its easy for you to say' but perhaps leave off the charting and the OPKS for a while until you know your cycle is back in check?

I know thats prob the LAST thing you want to do when trying to fall pregnant but like Jase says your body will make it happen when its ready and maybe removing the technical stress of charting will remove the pressure somehow?

Its just a thought, and I know it would be difficult but it might be worth a shot until all is sorted AF wise.

Wishing you the FATTEST BFP in the world.

Ps. Your beautiful and not FAT

 

[Layla]

hi hun,

I am giving up the OPK, have done for about a week now. cant give up my temp tho, i need to see things are happening.

going to the nurse later so im going to ask her wether there is anything i can do

xxx

 

[Wobbles]

Did you get anywhere with the nurse Layla!

An I am so pleased you guys sat down & talked things through. x

 

[Layla]

well i didnt get my smear done,

she said its to soon after the misscarriage so i got out of that one lol

i did mention to her that i have not ovulated yet and ohers around me seemed to have.

she said coz i was 9 weeks gone for my dates and coz i have mild PCOS its going to take a while for my body to kick back in again. she didnt seem worried atall.

she said to try to relax (yeah right! lol) and it will happen when my body is ready, but if i still havent ovulated in 2 months time then to go back and she will get some blood tests done, but shes pretty sure i would of by then.

so i just have to wait...

xxx

 

[Wobbles]

Aww I think shes right Layla.

Enjoy each other I say whist you can It really won't be long before you don't have 'that time' for 9 months