So difficult - bit long!

[Kimberly]

I know how you feel. I am also 30 and after the miscarriage several people said to me, don't worry you have plenty of time. I know 30 is not really that old, but I feel ready to be a mom now.

 

[babydust]

god yous are making me feel old now i never really thought 30 was old b4, i suppose i might look at it differently if i didnt have my two girls.

Well still no results today just as well i didnt wait in today for the phone call, i phoned them last thing today and was told the results arnt back yet and they would call me when they had them, she was about to put the phone down when i said can you check u have my phone number as i dont remember giving u it as we called you last time, turn out they didnt have my number, what chance have i got of getting the call when they dont even have my number .

 

[mandspice]

I guess it's not really old these days but you just read so much stuff about how fertility declines when you reach 35, how you're at your most fertile in your early 20s etc - but the average age for first time mums is now 29 I think isn't it, so taking into account all the 14 year olds etc there must be a lot of over 30 - 35s

Bloody hell, I know we don't pay for the NHS but they should at least try to provide a service! I've found recently that unless you chase them and demand answers you really don't get much out of them. Hope you get a call soon x

 

[babydust]

i used to be a nurse in a childrens hospital b4 i had my girls and i didnt realise how bad the nhs was until i was on the other side, even when my little girl was admitted for her kidney operation i had to constantly chase results and referals up, its useless, if i had the money i would go private.
I have been waiting by the phone today and its driving me mad
My dad just called in with a surprise he has booked a holiday to spain for me the girls and my mum, its not that im not greatful but its leaving on Tuesday but i really want to get things sorted out here.

 

[mandspice]

Me too, sometimes I think it’s almost worth getting private health insurance, even though I couldn’t really afford it! When I had my first ectopic they sent me away with no investigation as it started to miscarry on its own. There was no follow-up, even though I had an infection, until 6 years later when I suffered another ectopic and the tube had to be removed – if they’d have investigated the first time I wouldn’t have had to go through all of that again!

Aww, that’s lovely - well you should hear by Tuesday? If you haven’t heard by Friday I’d give them another call and explain that you’re going away? It might be just what you need, a holiday, and it’ll go so quickly you’ll be back and TTC before you know it. Will your OH stay at home?

 

[babydust]

yeh he will stay at home, he is self employed so he cant really aford to take time off, but im sure he will manage to go to a pub or 2

 

[Missly]

i know how you feel my OH is the same now he says he wants to wait FIVE years till we try again and spend more time together as a couple. Age is no real thing im younger than he is by 2 years but i want to try again but he doesnt. I think its blokes dont understand how girls feel, e.g he seems to think that my PCOS wont hinder me concieveing in 5 years time they all think it wont happen to them. Anyways my point being that its just men dont quite understand how women feel they never have and never truely will, its his way of dealing with it blocking it off and making as if nothing has happened and they dont see it in the sense that it was a life growing there they cant feel or understand that concept because they havent gone through it themselves do you see what i mean sorry if im confusing you

 

[mandspice]

No, I know exactly what you mean – my OH is great and has been really supportive but there’s no way he can feel the loss and emptiness I’m feeling – to him we can just go back to how it was before but for me it can never be the same. I find it hard to understand how they can accept it so easily and not want the feeling back asap but I spose it’s cos we’ve experienced a lot more than them.

And yeah, they don’t understand fertility worries either because they’ve never had any problems like that first hand.
Do you think you’ll be able to compromise on the five year thing?

 

[Missly]

i dont know we were talking last night and he doesnt really want to budge on it, ive already had one ectopic pregnancy and one miscarriage but it doesnt seem to knock the message home i think its because hes buddhist (im in a mixed race realtionship) he thinks they happen for a reason for karma or something. He begins to blame my childhood which wasnt great for my want of a child, he doesnt understand its because i feel empty inside or that it kills me to see my brothers gf blooming as it were. Ive exhausted all efforts to make him understand sometimes i wonder are blokes ever ready?

 

[mandspice]

It sounds like he’s at a diff stage to you, which must be really frustrating because one day he will want to have kids and just doesn’t realise how it might not be that easy. Once you’ve been pregnant the want for a child will never go away, whether you’ve had bad past experiences or not……Blokes can have kids until they’re 70 or 80 so it’s diff for them. I remember discussing a friend who was trying once with my ex and he said “Trying? What’s all that about?? Just give her one every other Tuesday and bob’s your uncle” - I think a lot of men think this way, think it’s so easy and it can just happen when you want it to!!

Saying all this we should be positive and at least we know that, after an ectopic, we can conceive naturally and can have a viable pregnancy

 

[Missly]

dont forget blokes have selective hearing too lol maybe they should try and be a woman for a day