Sleep Problems

[Rosie's Mummy]

Hi everyone,

I really need some help and advice about Rosie's sleeping.

9 times out of 10 she wakes up between 11 and 2am crying; initially when she was teething badly it was extremely difficult to settle her, I would give her some Calpol and put her in bed with me to comfort her and to get her back to sleep. Now it seems that I am paying for this or so my OH reckons.

Rosie now wakes up between the same times and when you go in to settle her, she makes the noise for her dummy and when you go to lie her down she protests and points at the door; she clearly wants to come into bed with me. Now this is where the problem is. Usually I have been taking her to sleep with me in the spare room, which I dont mind as I can get her back to sleep quickly and we all get sleep; which when being pregnant I really need to do. However, my OH is adamant that I let her cry and settle herself and go back to sleep - firstly, I cannot sleep when Rosie is crying, sobbing and screaming. Secondly, none of us get sleep so there is tension in the house the next day which is unhealthy.

Rosie needs to learn to settle herself back down I know, its really important and I understand that. When she goes up to bed at 7pm, she has a bottle and then is rocked to sleep so I know I need a slap for not letting her learn by herself.

Thing is, I havent got a clue what to do, should I start by letting her learn to settle herself at 7pm? Should she have a bottle in her room or drink a cup of milk downstairs? Should I remove her dummies completely or only at night? i feel a bit mean doing this at 18 months or am I being too soft?

I know at the moment she does have a little discomfort from her gums, nothing on the scale of how its been but I noticed she had been biting her finger yesterday.

Im sorry this is so long, I am going to see my HV next Thursday but I would really appreciate the advice and words of you wise owls as this is starting to cause problems. I need a solution before we have a relationship breakdown

 

[Mamafy]

Do you think the dummy falling out is waking her? If so, it might be time to get rid

 

[MrsR]

I paid dearly for being 'naughty' and allowing Summer to sleep in bed with me! I too couldn't bear to hear her screaming, sobbing, crying etc. I managed to stop it by doing the sit next to the bed with hand on her then gradually move further and further away until freedom! However I wasn't pregnant at the time! I agree with Mamafy, is it time to dump the dummy? I don't think taking her to sleep in spare room is a good idea, it's still giving her what she wants and is telling her if she screams enough she gets to sleep with you. Try to percivere. Will your OH help out? Maybe he can go in instead? I know how hard it was for me and I didn't have the extra hormones/tiredness of bring pregnant! Good luck hun

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

I do think that the tweeters have to go, I wanted to try it a few weeks ago when someone else was having troubles but OH didnt think it was a good idea. Might start tonight..

 

[titch]

ahh Ive got no experience of this but just wanted to say poor you not getting a good nights sleep hope she learns to settle herself soon. Guess you need to pick your battles for when you've got the energy to follow through!

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Well, Rosie has gone up to bed after having her milk in her sippy cup downstairs. OH just took her up and put her in her cot and is staying within a few feet outside her room. She is currently having a grizzle and is not very pleased, I hope this doesnt take long for her to catch on - I think this might be a long night..tweeter has stayed for now though..

 

[frankie707]

Good luck Rosie's Mummy

 

[MrsR]

Good luck! Fingers crossed for you chick! We should have sleepy dust to send like the baby dust!

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Thanks guys - Rosie grizzled until 7.25pm when OH went in and picked her up (shouldnt have done really) she went straight to sleep within 30 seconds - lets hope for a full night's sleep - Ill let you know. Sleepy dust sounds like a great idea!

 

[nancy]

It will likely be difficult for the first few nights but if you stay consistent then it will pay off in the end. It's better that she learns now than when you've got another baby awake at night. For example it was a nightmare last night when Sophie and Ellie were both in my bed because Sophie is poorly and Ellie needed feeding. I didn't get any sleep at all. Also there's the fact that if you leave it too late to get this sorted then she may resent the new baby as she might associate the fact that you are leaving her to cry with the fact that you are busy with the new addition.

I'm inclined to agree with your OH but it's no good if he's going to go in and pick her up after you've given his method a go. Best thing to do is sort out your game plan together before you start so that you're on the same page.

With my kids I tend to go into the room to reassure them but I don't turn on any lights or really even speak to them. If they need a cuddle it's a short and sweet one (I don't pick them up - just lean into the cot) then I kiss them goodnight and leave the room. If they need medicine or teething gel I do it with minimum fuss then again give them a kiss and leave. They will usually settle by themselves but if they don't and it's clear that there is nothing wrong with them then I'll leave them to cry, they usually get 3 chances so that I can factor in potty training, medicines etc. I've done this with William and Sophie and will do the same with Ellie when the time comes, it's hard at first but they soon learn to settle back down.

Things are different at the moment because Sophie's ill and to be honest I'm not sure I'd cope very well if it was always like this.

I'm not sure about the dummy thing to be honest because none of mine ever had one but I would imagine that it will be easier to deal with the problems all in one rather than string it out for your sanity.
Also if you're going down that route then it'll probably be best to give her milk before bed as you'd just be substituting the dummy with something else. I only really give drinks to Sophie in the bedroom now if she'd poorly or it's a really hot summer.

I hope things are better for you tonight, it might take a few goes but soon you'll be getting a good nights sleep and waking up in the morning next to hubby in your own bed.

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Thanks Nancy; some solid advice there - thanks for taking the time xx

 

[nancy]

No problem, it helped take my mind off the fact that Sophie hasn't settled yet lol. x

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Well Rosie slept until 2.30am. OH went in and layed her back down and rubbed her tummy, tucked her back in and then sat in the room whilst she went back to sleep.

Im so pleased that she stayed in her cot all night!! Minimum fuss too, woke at 5.30am in a good mood

Lets hope that tonight is just as good or better

 

[nancy]

I'm really pleased for you, hope tonight is the same or better. x

 

[titch]

lets hope its the start of good things glad your OH is chipping in!

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

I threw away her bottles today too - sippy cup for milky from now on!

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Ok this has been going really well and has outweighed my expectations of the whole thing.

Rosie has been sleeping all night long and waking at 6 - 6.30am. We have had crying when we leave her in the cot every night but tonight OH put her in the cot, she layed down, wide awake, rolled onto her side and NO CRYING!! She hasnt made a peep! Her daytime sleep has increased a little too which has surprised me no end. Im so so proud of her, we started this on Friday and its been a complete success - I thought we would have days and days of crying and screaming!

I am now getting a full night's sleep every night and really reaping the benefit

 

[titch]

so glad its going smoothly, you're a fab mummy!

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Aww thanks Tiny but most of the hard work and effort has been put in by OH! He has done the graft, I just hope she does it for me when he goes back to work! xx

 

[nancy]

Well done to you all! Glad to hear it went well.