Sister in law pregnant - am I selfish?

[JaysBaby]

My sister in law has just been round and told us she is pregnant too. I'm 16 weeks and she's 12 weeks so her baby is due exactly a month after ours. Obviously I'm happy for her but I'm also really disappointed and I'm scared that that makes me really selfish. I wanted our baby to be the important new arrival in the family and I'm scared they're now going to be less important to aunties, uncles and grandparents because there will be 2 new babies.

I now just feel really sad whenever I think about it (maybe it's just my hormones) and maybe I'm just being silly but I don't want to be sharing my first time pregnancy experience with my sister in law. I don't want to feel like I have to go to aquanatal classes with her, like she's already suggesting or have to meet up with her whilst we're both my maternity leave. I wanted that to be my special time theoughout pregnancy and with a newborn.

I feel silly for being so emotional and I think my fiancé is saying he has the same feelings just to make me feel better about it.

Has anybody else had this? Or is it just me being selfish?

 

[ams25]

Aw I think it sounds totally normal Hun and I would have felt the same if it was my sister in law! I'm sure your baby' will still be so special And loved, it doesn't take away from you but I can understand why you're worried. Do you usually get on with her? If so then don't underestimate the value of having someone close by who will be on maternity leave at the same time you say you want it to be your special time and it is but there can also be times when the baby's cried all morning, your partners at work and you're desperate for a bit of adult conversation! Also and a ready made little cousin/playmate for your baby aswell! It will be lovely for them to have a cousin a similar age, so try and think of the positives Of that Hun xxx

 

[Rubyredslipper]

SIL1 (my side) announced she was pregnant 3 months after me and then SIL2 (bfs side) announced she was pregnant 6 months after me 😂
I totally get it I was the same at first, it's almost like they've stolen my thunder but don't worry about it, it was actually nice to go through it together, SIL1 and I were both First time moms (SIL2 already has a son) being slightly ahead you'll get to pass tips and advice on! SIL1 and I both had daughters and I truly can't wait to see the girls grow up together, get into mischief together and become best mates ❤️ Although every photo I have of them together one or the other is crying so I'm not sure how the best mates thing will work out!

 

[lisey]

Hormones are probably making you feel worse. I personally wouldn't feel like this as I think it would be lovely to go through it with someone and so the children have cousins so close in age for play dates etc but lots of people do feel like this when people close to them get pregnant.
Your baby will be just as special and important to everyone, regardless of if there is another one on the way xx

 

[Starchild]

I would like to go through it with my SIL, *this time* as it's my second. However I totally get where you're coming from. It's your first baby and you want it to special, but it totally will be! And everyone will still be as excited and as anxious to come and see the baby! Plus you'll have two little babies close in age who may grow up being best friends! Good luck xx

 

[Stupidred]

A baby is never bad news and will never hurt anyone so think positive. Maybe deep down she's feeling the same but is trying to make the best of things. Honestly you'll be glad sometimes that someone else is going through the same things and you'll have someone who truly understands all the little worries you get throughout pregnancy.

I'm sure you'll be glad of the company once you've had all the visitors and hubby around for the first few months.

My sister in law beat us to it by a year and we'd only just got married at the time so i felt a bit cheated. She them announced her second pregnancy around the same time as our first. I know how you feel but you'll get over it and grandparents treat all ours the same.

Nothing you can do but make the best of it hun x

 

[MunchBunch]

That is totally normal to feel that way, and your feelings are totally valid. I don't think I have had a pregnancy where someone I know who is close to me isnt also pregnant and it can feel like they are taking away that special moment but in reality when the time comes it will be so nice to be able to moan to someone in the same position as you about pregnancy niggles and also once the little ones are born they will be so close in age that they could end up being the best of friends and form a strong bond which would be lovely to see.

 

[violet13]

I understand how you feel Hun, I shared my first pregnancy with one sister in law and now my second with my other and it was my first and my first sis in laws first and now my second and second sis in laws. I felt like my thunder had been stolen tbh but you don't have to share it all with her if you don't want to but at least you've got someone to talk to who is close and in the same boat xxx

 

[PeanutButter]

I personally wouldnt mind sharing with someone, but i dont like attention! Were also moving away from everyone pretty much this week, feel sorry for my MIL she was so excited about baby shopping etc (i would only buy if hubby was with me like big things anyways) but its her first grandchild, so i would love someone to annouce theyre pregnant and she can have them ahaha.

 

[Blueclass]

I'd feel exactly the same, don't feel bad. When I told people I was getting married my cousin said she was too the next day I was furious. Also when we told everyone we was expecting 3 days later my sil said they was getting married. I wanted everyone to be happy for us and both times I had to share it and listen to people talk about them when all I was thinking was I don't give a shit about them, they stole my thunder lol. I would blame the hormones but I'd feel this way even if I wasn't pregnant but that's just me.
Maybe try doing things together that might help? Go pregnancy yoga or shopping together. X

 

[ne0nbright]

I shared my pregnancy with my sister in law, she announced her second pregnancy to us a couple of days before my first scan and our babies were born 2 days apart in the end. I was actually in hospital recovering from my section whilst my niece was being born in the ward upstairs. Our little girls got to meet each other in hospital just days old, which personally I loved I found that the joy of two new babies was shared between the family and neither baby was viewed as less important if that makes sense. I also hope that the girls will grow up close given their tiny age gap haha.

As Blueclass suggested, perhaps try and plan things together as it might help you feel better, whether it be baby related or even just a coffee, but certainly don't feel pressured into it. I found it very helpful to have someone close to talk to who knew exactly how I felt. I know hormones can be cruel sometimes while pregnant and it's hard to work out how you're feeling at times, but just remember that her baby will be your little niece or nephew x