Should I tell my husband about the baby?

[Vicxzy]

I'm in a total dilemma guys
I've been with my current partner for just over a year.
I left my husband in aug/sept last year.
I know I got together with current partner quickly bit we kept it quiet for a long time (until jan this year) so as not to upset the ex.
Anyway we haven't started divorce proceedings or anything yet as neither of us can afford it, the marital home is still on the Market after a year he still lives there, I walked away with nothing even though we have a contract to say I get the proceeds of the sale as I put all the money down & into it.
Anyway, he's had a new partner since around jan/feb time & we no longer communicate, in fact we haven't spoken in months as he doesn't return texts etc ( I had to text him when the dog that we had together who I now have got cancer) so it's not like I contact him for anything trivial.
Anyway my head says I should tell him before anyone else does, however I took thos approach with the new fella, told him first but he didn't show the same consideration to me. I only found out he was with someone else when I went into my house to get some stuff while he was at work (all arranged) to find her in my house, helping herself to my expensive make up & beauty products!!!
My family say because of how he's been with me don't bother telling him, he wouldn't tell me if the shoe was on the other foot.
I know this is probably true but the thought of him finding out from someone else is awful.
My family think I'm just being too nice as I still feel guilty for leaving him.
Any advice please? It's really stressing me out x

 

[amyjayne77]

Oh hun I'd say the same as your family. It sounds like he as moved on as have you and the only reason you need to communicate is to clear up loose ends. What does your partner think?

Is there any reason to show him special consideration?

When I got together with my hubby, soon after we both split from other partners, (I split with my ex to be with my hubby: hubby had 2 kids, I had a shared mortgage and a dog), I got preg after 5 months. Neither of us, tbh, even thought of including out ex's in our joy and happiness as they were no part of it. We told the kids when we were ready and it was our business to do so (they live with us).

Saying this, you have to do what makes you comfortable and makes you happy.

 

[misscrazycooki]

I would personally keep it to myself, he has no reason to know that you are expecting hunny that is yours and your new partners family in the making whatever chance he had with you is over by the sounds of things so just move on grab your things and be civil with him for the finances.

Just be happy with the little growing miracle inside you.
xxx

 

[megsmeadow]

I'd tend to agree with Amyjayne! Unless it affects him directly in any way then it's really none of his business!

 

[Vicxzy]

My partner thinks I should do whatever makes me happy. He doesn't want to sway me either way, all he will say is he doesn't want ex husband to make the divorce difficult or stress me out.
I'm really glad the ex moved on, I can't tell u how happy I was when I discovered his new g/f (even though I was put out abt her using my things!) it made me feel less guilty somehow, I was with him 10 yrs & altho I didn't want to be with him anymore the thought of him being all sad & alone ESP last Xmas really upset me.
I know a lot of it is guilt on my part, ex husb still believes I left him for my current partner as current partner was my first love at school & we'd always stayed friends.
I have 2 weeks before we go public after my scan so I need to decide whether to tell him before then or not... Thanks for your reply xxx

 

[sexyamy2005]

i think id agree with the other ladies, unless it affects him, i wouldnt tell him,

were u and hubby at and time trying for a baby? i think id tell him then, purly cos like u said 10yrs 2gether is a long time and even though you fell out of love with him, i think id tell him b4 it went public that u were pregnant, he might take it badly or not give a sh*t, but if your thinking about telling him b4 every1 finds out, then obviously even if its just respect for him, you still feel something,

i kno when me n hubby were talking about names for baby he said james (my ex's name) and i emmediatly thought of him and even tho im sure there are plenty of james' out there, i dont wana call my child after my ex, me n hubby have been together 6 1/2yrs but no still brings back memories of him when his names mentioned, so to me thats a big no no, its hard to describe why i fell so strongly, could be because he was my first "real" love, but cos he didnt do anything wrong really, besides cheat with numerous other women, i still dont like thinking about him, if that makes sence, lol

good luck and as long as ur partner is supportive i dont think anything should be a problem

x

 

[Vicxzy]

No we weren't trying for a baby at any point, that was one of the reasons I left, I didn't want kids with him! Sounds awful but altho I kno he'll make a great dad one day, I just didn't want it to be with me... X

 

[LouLou1986]

tbh nothing to do with your ex, i ant told mine and i know he knows as his family have told him, dnt stress yourself about it hun