How to tell my friend?

[newbie1984]

Assuming everything goes well at my first scan on Wednesday I want to tell my best friend I'm pregnant.

She doesn't particularly like my boyfriend, we haven't been together too long and she doesn't really think we are all that serious...; because I know she doesn't like him I tend not to tell her anything about us.

She miscarried last year and she really wants a baby, and then I get pregnant by accident and I know the news will go down like a lead balloon. Anyway I am just looking for some advice on how best to tell her....

Thanks

 

[Titch85]

That's a tricky one! From experience, it takes me a little while to get my head around it, although I am happy for my friends there is a tad bit of jealousy there. I usually just need a couple of days and then I am fine, so don't be offended if your friend is quiet for a little while.

 

[Katkin72]

Hmmm, that's going to be a difficult one. One of my best friends told me she was pregnant a couple of weeks ago - we have both been TTC for the same length of time and initially I was gutted when she told me she was 7 weeks pregnant as I still haven't got my BFP. However, I was also overjoyed for her at the same time and put on a brave face (I hope!). I know she will make an amazing mum and I didn't want to spoil her excitement by being all miserable around her.

What helped me when she announced her news was that there was another friend there too so I was able to step back from it a bit and let our other friend keep the happy vibes flowing while I got my had around it. The hardest part for me was throughout the evening most of the conversation was around babies and being pregnant (our other friend already has children). So I would say be mindful that you don't just talk about your pregnancy, talk about other things the two of you have in common. I'm sure if she is your best friend she will be overjoyed for you, just give her a bit of time to get her head around it. After a few days of moping around feeling very sorry or myself I was able to put all my jealousy aside and now can't wait to catch up with her again to ask her how she is doing. I'm even really excited to see her scan pics when she gets them. Also, it's good to have a close friend I can ask for advice when (hopefully) my time comes

Good luck talking to your friend - I'm sure she will be fine xxx

 

[newbie1984]

I thought about having a friend with me when I told her but I dunno how that would go down. I wasn't TTC so I know this will be a total shock for her. It's going to be tough.

 

[Katkin72]

She may be initially stunned and a little quiet, but give her some time and I'm sure she will be very supportive. I know I can only speak from my experience but it really did take some of the pressure off me by having another friend there. I hope it goes well - let us know how you get on xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Treat it as though you are pulling off a plaster, don't beat around the bush - just come out and tell her

"It may be a bit of a shock but I am 12 weeks pregnant. We're both very happy"

If she is a proper friend she'll get over any negative feelings about your pregnancy and your OH and she'll support you.

I had two friends pregnant around the time I had my first miscarriage (they were both due within weeks of when I would have been ) and I never begrudged them or felt anything other than happiness for them

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[newbie1984]

Thanks carnat I was going to go for that approach "I have something to tell you, I'm pregnant" and see how it goes from there. Im more nervous telling her than I was OH!

 

[newbie1984]

I like that.... I know it's going to be a bit of a shock but I'm pregnant.... That could work!

 

[newbie1984]

I'm not sure if it'll be best to have someone else with me or not..... Thoughts? I could really only bring a friend who knows but I don't want the one I'm telling thinking I couldnt fell like I could tell her....

 

[kedi376]

You might want to also tell her how worried you've been about telling her because you know she is also trying for a baby and the news is likely to upset her a little. Just try and be a little sensitive about it.

I had two really good friends get pregnant when I was TTC and I am now only friends with one of them. I found the way one of them told me to be really insensitive and then all she ever did was talk about her and the baby and when I kept my distance for a couple of weeks to get my head around things she rang shouting at me. Whereas the other friend handled the whole thing completely differently, she was thoughtful about it and also completely understood how I felt, gave me a little time and then checked in on me making sure I was ok.

I'm not sure the direct approach is always best for some people.

 

[Doob]

Maybe just don't mention the fact that it wasn't planned and just say you're pregnant. Could you maybe do it over lunch or something with a couple of other good friends and then you have other people there if you think it would help? I agree with those who have said when you have told her maybe try to move the conversation to other things too. Is she somebody who would get upset in front of others/public? Because if that's the case perhaps it would be easier for her to hear the news on a one to one basis somewhere private? Good luck hun xx

 

[newbie1984]

I think the only place I could tell her this coming weekend is at hers. Once it's out there unless she asks questions I plan on moving onto the next subject pretty quickly lol I just need to get it over and done with.... She'll probably guess as soon as I say I need to talk to you! What will be will be....

 

[newbie1984]

She isn't the type of person to get upset, more so 'offer' her opinions.... She is incredibly opinionated so I'm sure I'll be told I'm an idiot and doing the wrong thing.

 

[Doob]

It's a tough one. Perhaps just be honest if she is going to start offering opinions and present it as you're excited and that it isn't an issue you are upset about . You being happy about it might stifle some of the negative ones she might present you with.

 

[PyscoFalcon]

Very tough one. Hopefully she'll put on a brave face for you and be happy for you but cry and scream her rage when she's on her own for a bit.

Then next time you see/talk to her don't mention your pregnancy at all unless she asks and you'll be fine.

It mostly pees people off when they've been trying TTC for a while and people keep rubbing there pregnancies in there faces. Tell once then leave any further chat about it up to them

That way it should go smoothly. If not then you'll soon find out who your real friends are

 

[Amber8]

I have been there hun but I was the friend who had mc. My bf fell pg 5 months after I mc, it wasn't an accident though but I didn't care too much for her partner & they had split up!

I told her I was pleased for her cos she really wanted a baby & I was pleased for her, but I was also pretty upset. I never showed that to her though. It did take me a couple of months to get my head round it & now she has a beautiful 7 week old boy & I couldn't be happier for her.

My advice is just tell her, don't expect too much but if she is any sort of friend she will be happy for u if ure happy.

Xx