Scared it's happening again.

[jenni16]

Not much point to this post, just needed to write it down somewhere before I lose my mind.
I had a mmc in Feb. I had a feeling something wasn't right so booked a private early scan for 8 weeks, they said there was a pregnancy but nothing inside the sac, so dated it to 4-5 weeks. I knew this wasn't right as we only dtd once that month so I was 100% sure on my dates! 3 weeks went past before we finally knew that I had had a mmc. It took weeks for the bleeding, clotting and pain to stop. My baby boy was only 5 months old when all of this was happening, so we both agreed that the timing wasn't right and although it was the worst, and most painful thing that we had experienced, it was probably for the best. We agreed to stick to our original plan of trying again when our lo was around 1.
So, a couple of weekends ago, our perfect boy turned 1 8 days later was what would have been the due date of the mc, it was a day I was dreading. It turned out to be an unexpectedly good day, we got a BFP! I got a strong line and a 2-3 on a digi (already further than I got with the mc). It seemed to explain a lot of things that I had been experiencing - migraine, vivid dream, extreme tiredness, slight nausea, painful hips again, mood swings (poor OH!). It had happened a bit sooner than expected, but we were over the moon. All these symptoms continued for a few days, but they seem to have disappeared since Friday.
I feel like it's happening again. I don't know how or why, it's like I just 'know' something isn't right. It feels completely different to my first pregnancy with my son, and more like my last when it ended in mc.
I keep trying to tell myself that everything is ok and that there are still some symptoms, but I can't help thinking I'm just seeing or thinking things that aren't really there. I almost find it easier to assume that it's all going wrong again, a kind of self-preservation - like if I convince myself something is wrong again, it will somehow make it easier to deal with if/when it does happen.
My OH has been working away lots lately, he left at 4.30 this morning, and won't be back until Thursday/Friday. I sobbed before he left, I'm so scared. I can't do it again, not on my own. He's been brilliant though, he stayed on the phone and just listened to me for as long as I needed. He has said to try and book an early scan for Friday or Saturday, see if it will put my mind at ease a little.
Well done if you got this far! Sorry it's so long and waffley, but it really does help to just let it all out somewhere safe xxx

 

[Emily0505]

I've recently miscarried and currently waiting on final scan from the hospital to confirm we've got the all clear and then we can start trying again.

As much as I'm trying to be really positive about trying to get pregnant again, pregnancy will never be the same and I can imagine the worry is awful.

Do you think getting an early scan would bring you peace of mind?

I'm sure everything is fine hun but can totally understand why you're so worried, I'm sure I'll be just the same.

Big hugs



XX

 

[jenni16]

Sorry for your loss Emily
I'm going to call our local place to try and book a scan for later in the week. As soon as I see on the screen that everything is (hopefully) ok, I'm sure I will relax much more. It's just the uncertainty of not knowing, I hate these early weeks for that reason. I feel like if I was throwing up constantly or had really obvious symptoms, I wouldn't be worrying so much. I know how silly that sounds I think I'm just going from my two previous pregnancy experiences where one had plenty of symptoms and ended with my gorgeous son; the other had minimal symptoms and ended in mmc.
I wish I had my own scanning machine so I could find out what's going on myself!

 

[Emily0505]

Every pregnancy is different hun, so even though you're having less symptoms doesn't mean anything is wrong.

That being said I had pretty much the same symptoms my last pregnancy which ended in mc as I did with my son!

You worry in pregnancy regardless but after a loss, the worry must be so amplified.

Hopefully you can get your scan soon and then relax a bit more.

XX

 

[kaz1983]

I know how hard it is to stay positive after a mc I had one last September and even though I have had two scans, heard the heartbeat and can feel movements I am still convinced something is going to go wrong. I don't think after a loss the worry ever goes and it has put a dampner on me enjoying this my final pregnancy.

I am seeing my counsellor that I saw after the miscarriage to try and get these thoughts out of my head so that I can start enjoying being pregnant xx

 

[jenni16]

Every pregnancy is different hun, so even though you're having less symptoms doesn't mean anything is wrong. XX

That's what I keep telling myself it doesn't stop me having random panics though when I see and hear everyone else having mega symptoms.

I think it's worse with my OH being away in the week, more time to sit and think and over analyse every little detail.

If only I wasn't such a worrier

I just need to think as positively as I can until I can get a scan sorted - off to phone them now.

Thank you for your replies, it helps so much to have some reassurance from someone who understands.
xxx

 

[sarah120281]

im just going thru a mmc, its my 3rd. how did u manage the mmc, im not keen on being put to sleep. id prefer meds. im 9weeks baby dated at 5/6 xx

 

[kaz1983]

so sorry for your loss Sarah

Hope you dont mind me saying about how I coped with mmc - i was like you not keen on being put to sleep so I had medical management - I was told at time of 12 week scan when we found out baby had died that I didnt need the two tablets they would usually give and I would get pessaries when I came into hospital so a week and a bit later i came in got examined had the pessaries inserted.....5hrs later the pessaries hadnt worked so I ended up with the tablets anyway....1hr went by I asked for pain relief and was given a codeine tablet and whether it was that or the tablets but it all kicked off then i felt a pop and things went from there really - I cant say I was in much pain as such just felt very lightheaded and dizzy. I passed most of the pregnancy in the midst of trying to be sick which wasn't pleasant but both hubby and I knew that was it.

I was kept in overnight as they werent sure I had passed everything....they fasted me from midnight that night and brought in a theatre gown the next morning to which I refused to go to theatre and told them if they needed to remove the rest they could do it on the ward which they did.

Again I am so very sorry for your loss big hugs xx

 

[sarah120281]

so u were awake, id prefer to be awake. this is 3rd mc now. so fed uo, im that fed up i dont know if i want to tey again ever. i suppose we will have to endure loads of tests now and then they still might nkt know why. i wish i could pass it naturally like last two. im scared of things like this. me and my husband already have a daughter. maybe i should be grateful for what i got instead of wanting more. ive always had gynae problems i suppose i was lucky to get her xx

 

[sarah120281]

im also sorry uve gone thru it xx

 

[kaz1983]

so u were awake, id prefer to be awake. this is 3rd mc now. so fed uo, im that fed up i dont know if i want to tey again ever. i suppose we will have to endure loads of tests now and then they still might nkt know why. i wish i could pass it naturally like last two. im scared of things like this. me and my husband already have a daughter. maybe i should be grateful for what i got instead of wanting more. ive always had gynae problems i suppose i was lucky to get her xx

Yeh I was awake the NUrse was squeezing my hand harder than I was squeezing hers as I was just numb and wanted it over and done with - it was a wee bit uncomfortable but it was a necessary evil xx

 

[sarah120281]

god im ao stressed about this happening. id hope to stay awake. theyve done and urgent referral for me xx

 

[kaz1983]

I was more stressed about going to theatre than anything else try an stay calm as possible hun xx