I have copied/pasted the following from another non-baby forum, so please excuse my simpilfications etc, I just couldn't face typing it all out again.
I dunno how much you all want to know about what happened, but I would like to explain, I'll try to keep the more grizzly detais out of it.
I was called in for an early scan on the 5th of June as it was found that I had higher than usual levels of a protein in my blood.
The levels weren't very high though, and although the hospital pointed out the possibilty of spina bifida, they said it was very unlikely, and probably just due to a small bleed I had had a few weeks before.
Obviously this turned out to not be the case.
Our baby had the most severe type of spina bifida, and in an already very advanced state for his age. He also had the beginnings of hydrocephalus (water on the brain) which would have worsened as he grew, and would have caused severe brain damage. Coupling this with the paralysis from his back problem, we could see no other real option, but we still went away from the hospital that day, deterined to research what we could, and look at our options fully.
We found no comfort in our research, in fact, if anything, it helped us to see that we had to do the unthinkable, we had to have a termination. Our poor baby would have been born severly disabled, and in the first few days and weeks of his life, would have had to undergo many operations to save his life, if he even survived til birth.
I had to take some tablets on the thursday, these got my body ready to deliver the baby. You see, I had to give birth to him. I was induced on Saturday the 9th, and he was born the same day, at 8.14 in the evening. I have no idea when he actually died, no one told us, and I don't want to ask.
The labour was awful. I was allowed any kind of pain releif I wanted, but even morphene wasn't enough by the end. They wouldn't let me have an epidural by then as if they had, I wouldhave had to have some sort of surgery, which of course they wanted to avoid. The contractions did stop before he was born, and I was allowed to rest, but then 'something' happened that no one has really been able to explain. I went unconsious, and possibly had a small seizure. I was out for less than 2 mins, but in that time half the stff from the delivery ward were in my room doing stuff! I don't remember any of it, it felt like I blinked and all of a sudden there were people in my room, and things on me that weren't there before (I was hooked upto and oxygen cylindar, and monitoring equipment, all of which I tried to take off as I didn't know what they were, or how they got there, I panicked a bit!). I haven't had any more problems after this, and I am told it will probably never happen again. The contractions never restarted, but as he was so small I was able to push him out without them.
We were able to hold him, and keep him with us for as long as we wanted to. We stayed at the hospital til Sunday evening with him, and then left him with a lovely midwife. We took pictures of him, and held him, everything you would do with a normal baby really, leaving him there was so hard, but it would have been harder if we had stayed longer. I won't post his photos, but if anyone does want to see him, I can upload some, and send links.
One of the hardest things since leaving hospital has been my own body. As my body knows I have had a baby, it is acting like it should, and so I am producing milk to feedhim, but there is no one to feed. It is slowly going away, but for a while it was very painful, and far more upsetting that I would have imagined it to be.
As you may have guessed, we had a little boy, we have named him Oliver. We are having a funeral for him at our local church next tuesday at 2. We would have liked it sooner, but my parents are away on holiday, and I can't do it without them. The church is just 2 mins from our house, and we can see the graves from our window. We don't know yet exactly where he will be buried in the church yard, but where ever it is, he will be close to us.
I keep thinking that things are getting easier, and that I am getting better, but then something will pop into my head and I'll be in tears again. I don't know how to get over this, or if I ever really will. I do know that neither of us will ever forget Oliver, and no one will ever replace him.
We do intend to try again for another baby, sooner rather than later. We would like to be expecting again before november as that was when Oliver was due. We have to see a consutant first though to check our risk factors of having another baby with the same problems, we have an appointment on the 2nd of July, so hopefully it shouldn't be too long.
So, thats what happened really. I hope I have't offended anyone by posting this, or by our actions, I know there are many people out there that are totally against terminations-I was one of them, but only for myself, I have always been pro choice for others, I just never thought I would be able to go through with it, and I wish I had never had to.
I dunno how much you all want to know about what happened, but I would like to explain, I'll try to keep the more grizzly detais out of it.
I was called in for an early scan on the 5th of June as it was found that I had higher than usual levels of a protein in my blood.
The levels weren't very high though, and although the hospital pointed out the possibilty of spina bifida, they said it was very unlikely, and probably just due to a small bleed I had had a few weeks before.
Obviously this turned out to not be the case.
Our baby had the most severe type of spina bifida, and in an already very advanced state for his age. He also had the beginnings of hydrocephalus (water on the brain) which would have worsened as he grew, and would have caused severe brain damage. Coupling this with the paralysis from his back problem, we could see no other real option, but we still went away from the hospital that day, deterined to research what we could, and look at our options fully.
We found no comfort in our research, in fact, if anything, it helped us to see that we had to do the unthinkable, we had to have a termination. Our poor baby would have been born severly disabled, and in the first few days and weeks of his life, would have had to undergo many operations to save his life, if he even survived til birth.
I had to take some tablets on the thursday, these got my body ready to deliver the baby. You see, I had to give birth to him. I was induced on Saturday the 9th, and he was born the same day, at 8.14 in the evening. I have no idea when he actually died, no one told us, and I don't want to ask.
The labour was awful. I was allowed any kind of pain releif I wanted, but even morphene wasn't enough by the end. They wouldn't let me have an epidural by then as if they had, I wouldhave had to have some sort of surgery, which of course they wanted to avoid. The contractions did stop before he was born, and I was allowed to rest, but then 'something' happened that no one has really been able to explain. I went unconsious, and possibly had a small seizure. I was out for less than 2 mins, but in that time half the stff from the delivery ward were in my room doing stuff! I don't remember any of it, it felt like I blinked and all of a sudden there were people in my room, and things on me that weren't there before (I was hooked upto and oxygen cylindar, and monitoring equipment, all of which I tried to take off as I didn't know what they were, or how they got there, I panicked a bit!). I haven't had any more problems after this, and I am told it will probably never happen again. The contractions never restarted, but as he was so small I was able to push him out without them.
We were able to hold him, and keep him with us for as long as we wanted to. We stayed at the hospital til Sunday evening with him, and then left him with a lovely midwife. We took pictures of him, and held him, everything you would do with a normal baby really, leaving him there was so hard, but it would have been harder if we had stayed longer. I won't post his photos, but if anyone does want to see him, I can upload some, and send links.
One of the hardest things since leaving hospital has been my own body. As my body knows I have had a baby, it is acting like it should, and so I am producing milk to feedhim, but there is no one to feed. It is slowly going away, but for a while it was very painful, and far more upsetting that I would have imagined it to be.
As you may have guessed, we had a little boy, we have named him Oliver. We are having a funeral for him at our local church next tuesday at 2. We would have liked it sooner, but my parents are away on holiday, and I can't do it without them. The church is just 2 mins from our house, and we can see the graves from our window. We don't know yet exactly where he will be buried in the church yard, but where ever it is, he will be close to us.
I keep thinking that things are getting easier, and that I am getting better, but then something will pop into my head and I'll be in tears again. I don't know how to get over this, or if I ever really will. I do know that neither of us will ever forget Oliver, and no one will ever replace him.
We do intend to try again for another baby, sooner rather than later. We would like to be expecting again before november as that was when Oliver was due. We have to see a consutant first though to check our risk factors of having another baby with the same problems, we have an appointment on the 2nd of July, so hopefully it shouldn't be too long.
So, thats what happened really. I hope I have't offended anyone by posting this, or by our actions, I know there are many people out there that are totally against terminations-I was one of them, but only for myself, I have always been pro choice for others, I just never thought I would be able to go through with it, and I wish I had never had to.
