right or wrong

[kirlykird]

Just a quick poll opinion here to help out my friend....

Just had one of my best friends on the phone to me in tears...

Basically... She has just moved in with her partner,they have been tgether for 10 months.

They have just moved in together and she has found out that he has been downloading porn as he admits up until 3 months ago.

His claim is that they have a few problems in the bedroom with erection problems or he just dies on her. He said that he asked a friend for details of some good porn, went onto the website and downloaded 30 films,2 dvds worth of the same woman and woman on woman being the basic jist... and claims it was to see if he worked elsewhere...

Her fear is that this is just an excuse and would he really need 30 videos of the same thing,i.e.woman on woman and the same star in most of them.

She says that she feels like she is being cheated on as he felt the need to look elsewhere.

She said she doesn't know whether she should stay with him as she feels like she doesn't know him anymore and asked if she was over reacting.

Really didn't know what to say for the best as I am quite close to both of them...some opinions would be good so that I can help her out here, really hate seeing her like this...



Thanks

 

[kirlykird]

sorry,should have been an option for no in the poll,tried editing but won't let me

 

[Charlotte & Emily]

personally i dont have a problem with porn

my ex used to have loads and he used it when i wasnt there lol
or like we'd watch it together

have you suggested that?
it can be a real turn on lol

yea, i dont see what the fuss is about
because he isnt actually with these women
she might just be feeling a little insecure because he didnt tell her and she could think shes not good enough so try suggesting they like spice up their sex life

hope this helped
if not lol im useless lol

 

[cloud9]

I think she needs to talk to thsi guy..Men generally don't think they are been unfaithful...I don't think it is all bad but i am not sure i would be happy its all about this one woman .
She should tell him how it makes her feel and see where they go from that

 

[frangelle]

So he can't get it up over her so he has to get loads of lesbian porn with the same woman? I'm sorry, but that sounds abit lame to me.. I would be going mad too, and think there was something wrong with me. Surely one porn would have told him if his 'problems' were just with this woman or not?

I heard on the radio studies have shown increasing amounts of men are losing interest in sex as it doesn't live up to the fantasies created in porn movies. Dunno if thats right or not, I'm no expert!!!

 

[Minxy]

Edited for you.

 

[frangelle]

personally i dont have a problem with porn

my ex used to have loads and he used it when i wasnt there lol
or like we'd watch it together

have you suggested that?
it can be a real turn on lol

yea, i dont see what the fuss is about
because he isnt actually with these women
she might just be feeling a little insecure because he didnt tell her and she could think shes not good enough so try suggesting they like spice up their sex life

hope this helped
if not lol im useless lol

BUT... my beret friend, if he had erection problems with you, but not with a porn star, would insecurity not set in? I know it would for me!!!

 

[Becks&Riley]

I dont think guys shuld watch porn whenb with someone its proppa like y do they need to etc

 

[kirlykird]

I have to say I thought what a few o you have said, the same woman just seems a bit too much or me too.

I think that was part of her concern, I think the rest was small compared to that and I have to say that I think it would have bothered me too!

 

[Charlotte & Emily]

personally i dont have a problem with porn

my ex used to have loads and he used it when i wasnt there lol
or like we'd watch it together

have you suggested that?
it can be a real turn on lol

yea, i dont see what the fuss is about
because he isnt actually with these women
she might just be feeling a little insecure because he didnt tell her and she could think shes not good enough so try suggesting they like spice up their sex life

hope this helped
if not lol im useless lol

BUT... my beret friend, if he had erection problems with you, but not with a porn star, would insecurity not set in? I know it would for me!!!

good point i forgot about that bit in my reply
i think its a bit of a crap excuse to use
and yes i would feel insecure

but ive never had that problem

 

[frangelle]

but ive never had that problem

I bet you haven't you little minx you

 

[kirlykird]

Edited for you.

Thanks Minxy

 

[trixipaws]

i dont think theres anything wrong with porn, relationship or not.

 

[Tangerinedream]

I dont think there is anything wrong with porn as long at the other person is aware and comfortable with that.

Personally, I dont see it as being unfaithful- men are very visual creatures. I'd rather my OH het his rocks off to porn than go with another woman. I see it as a but of fun that both people can join in with.

 

[Emmylou]

I think keeping it a secret is the main issue here......personally I would have no probs with C having porn/ going to a strip club or anything AS LONG AS I knew about it....!!

I don't know if anyone else would agree, but is the fact that its the same woman really too different to having all of one stars normal movies (i.e. I'm a Denzel Washington fan, so buy anything he's in). He obviously just finds that woman attractive.

I would say she needs to have a chat, explain how this has made her feel, and if it is more the fact that he never told her about it then they need to talk def as its a trust issue.....maybe he was embarassed about it & just thought (as men do) that he could be clever enough to keep it a secret

 

[Melly+2]

it doesnt bother me, im always finding porn on Gals phone the dirty beggar, then again he dont get much so i can sorta understand Why not watch one together, it gets you quite in the mood...................or so i heard ive never watched it

 

[mummykay]

WRONG!!!

I hate it, I have MEGA arguements with Mike if I catch pics of girls on the computer - it all stems from my insecurity with my figure etc so I well and truly flip out!!!!

plus hes got sex on tap with me so y does he need it???

 

[kimmumof2]

i think your friend may feel insecure but she should talk to him. the amount he has got may be excessive and all of the same woman may also make me feel a bit left out but she needs to talk to him. men like to be visual and maybe she needs to ask what it is that works for him in these vids so it can help them in the bedroom. they really need to work at it and talk to each other. he shouldnt be secretive about porn but she shouldnt make him feel he needs to either. they both need to talk and work on their problems and go from there.

personally i dont have a problem with men watching porn in or out of a relationship as long as its not secretive or illegal. i would rather he watch porn than try other women!!

xxxx

 

[leckershell]

I found stuff on nat's computer the once too, and asked him about it and he didn't realise it would have upset me. Well yeah cos it made me feel like I wasn't good enough, or doing enough for him. He got the CD out of it and broke it and put it in the bin and apologised.

I know how she feels though, it's not nice, so hugs for her. She should let him know how it makes her feel x

 

[skairdykat]

I've never found anything like that on our comp, nor does he have any mags or anything (at least I don't think he does). He gets all he needs from me so doesn't need to look anywere else.
I have to say that it would definately bother me. I'd go mad!!! Why should they look at other women when they have you at home? I just don't get it at all.