Relying on benefits ....

[broody]

I hate to be a party pooper for a lot of you out there but there is something I really can't understand.

I am in my 30s and have worked hard, as has my OH, to earn enough money and become stable financially and emotionally so that we can have a family. We didn't have children earlier because we weren't financially able to do so, and we both fully believe that it is a parents responsibility to look after and pay for their children.

I find it really sad that there are so many girls on here, young and not in a stable relationship, who are pregnant (some not planned) and are now falling back onto the public to pay for their children ie. benefits. I have a few questions: 1. why do you not use protection so that you don't become pregnant. 2. why don't you wait until you are with someone and be a family (very unPC these days) and finally 3. why do you feel everyone else should pay for your children?

I found the attitude of a lot of people amazing and would like an insight into why you think people like me who have paid taxes for years and myself waited to have children, should support you. Please explain!

 

[Rowesb]

whoa... where did that come from?
it may be useful to link the thread u have been reading as the forum have recently been revamped, and many of us are newbies, and I have certainly not got the impression that u seem to have...

btw welcome to PF

 

[Mervs Mum]

Great opening post Welcome to the forum!!

 

[Terrie]

oookkk...

firstly, welcome to the pregnancyforum.

secondly, i would also like to see a link to the posts you are refering to, the pregnancyforum only re-opened a few months ago and ive found our new members to be a lovely bunch of girls.

thirdly, your post comes across very unfriendly and slightly unsympathetic to girls who find themselves in the situation of being pregnant without having planned it. not everybody plans their pregnancies but im sure we all do the best we can with what life throws at us.

please note that this forum is designed for pregnancy,birth and parenthood advice and support.

 

[Mamafy]

Has something annoyed you in particular broody? Perhaps an explanation of that would be a better way to start?

Oh and yes Welcome to the Forum

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

i'm sorry WHAT?! what a great way to introduce yourself on her, i'm sure you're going to make many fantastic friends!!

i'm 21 and a single mum to two gorgeous girls, who mean the world to me. now up until 4 months ago, i supported the family financially by myself. i claimed no benefits and scraped by. anyway, thats by the by.

i despise the fact that people look down on me because i'm a single mum and i do rely on certain benefits now. but at the same time, i've been paying my taxes since i was 16 and will do for as far into the future as i can see. if i could chose, i wouldnt be a single mum. its hardly my faulty i was in an abusive relationship that didnt turn that way until i was pregnant. as far as i knew when i fell pregnant i was with my partner i was going to be with for the rest of my life.

people like yourself coming on here, judging people like myself, who have found themselves in a tough situation, without knowing the facts really kinda ticks me off. get off your high horse - not everyone has a perfect life like you so obviously do.

 

[dani_2010]

Hello to you too broody!

To be honest, I haven't seen very many examples of what you have described on this site (I don't really know what positions everyone is in rather than saying you are wrong) but I know in society in general what you have described is increasingly common. I see it a lot in my work and it is disheartening but that is the reality of today.

I think the problem is not so much with the girls/women and indeed anyone else relying on benefits regardless of having children or not, but with the system. The fact is, if benefits are there to be claimed, they will be. It really isn't any different to the politicians and the expenses scandal... if I were a politician I would claim them (and i doubt anyone who says they wouldn't). The expenses just shouldn't be available on the scale they are.

I'm not sure what else to say. I think you should write to your local MP and discuss it with him/her .... i don't think we can change legislation on this forum!

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

you know, thinking about it, i could be wrong but i think i'm the only single parent on here and i dont go shooting my mouth off about it, so i'd love to see some examples of how there's all these young girls on here getting pregnant with no way of supporting babies!!

 

[Mervs Mum]

Yes Broody - listen to Dani. I agree there arent many examples of it on this forum to my knowledge.

 

[ToffeePop]

I am in my 30s and have worked hard, as has my OH, to earn enough money and become stable financially and emotionally so that we can have a family. We didn't have children earlier because we weren't financially able to do so, and we both fully believe that it is a parents responsibility to look after and pay for their children.

You're not the only one...

I find it really sad that there are so many girls on here, young and not in a stable relationship, who are pregnant (some not planned) and are now falling back onto the public to pay for their children ie. benefits.

Welcome to the forum - I've been here since November and not once seen someone post about how they are "on benefits" to pay for their children, exclusively. I don't think anyone here who has had a relationship break-down is happy about it.

I concur that I also agree that people - in general - shouldn't "just have babies" to "get a house/benefits/etc." but that's not the point on here with anyone, as far as I've seen. And I think that the majority, if not everyone, on here would agree that relying on the "Public" to pay for their children isn't the way they would want to raise their child...

I have a few questions: 1. why do you not use protection so that you don't become pregnant.

a) Who are you referring to? And point b) "protection" is never 100%. I know a woman who was on the Pill, taking it properly, also using condoms...in fact, tried every single form of protection possible and she has 4 kids. One was born AFTER she had been sterlised. And she's had 12 miscarriages. Talk to her about "protection" and she'd laugh in your face...

2. why don't you wait until you are with someone and be a family (very unPC these days)

I think most people think that the person they're with IS the one they want to be with as a family. Having a ring on one's finger does not an eternal relationship make.

and finally 3. why do you feel everyone else should pay for your children?

That's just inflammatory for no reason.

I found the attitude of a lot of people amazing and would like an insight into why you think people like me who have paid taxes for years and myself waited to have children, should support you. Please explain!

A healthy debate surrounding our current social, tax, benefits system would be brilliant. An informed, healthy, intelligent debate would be a rational way to go about things. I'm sorry if you feel hard done by, in some way, but I don't believe that as a first post on a website you've come here to do anything but cause offence. Perhaps it is the way of the internet that is making you voice your opinion so, which happens, but perhaps a little tact could be involved in that you're in the "Waiting to Try" part of the forum.

I, for one, look forward to your thoughts on this. And a nice apology for ranting without context would be good


P.S. You might find other forums where there are "single women looking to get pregnant by any means" right up your alley if you want to mouth off at "young irresponsible women". Here's seriously not the place...

 

[dani_2010]

Broody - I am more than happy to have a debate about benefits in general if you so wish and we may even agree on many of the issues surrounding them. Where I live in London there are a lot of people who have not worked a day in their lives, have everything paid for, have children they cannot afford, have SKY TV paid for,..... you get the message.
I am a barrister, have worked hard to get to where I am and have also paid taxes for years, and I get nothing back from the government. I see a lot of young people having babies without being in a stable relationship (some getting pregnant after only a couple of weeks) and no job, and they really do know that they can fall back on the system. But what is the alternative? Leave young children without food/home? Once people are pregnant surely you wouldn't want the children (and they have to be the priority) abandoned? I'm not saying it makes for a great society but there you have it. However, I don't think the people that I have referred to are on this site. Maybe this debate should be moved elsewhere in the forum.
I would say in defence of Broody, I don't think her post was aimed at people who have been in abusive relationships and those who have found themselves in positions which they could not have foreseen. Maybe i'm giving the benefit of the doubt foolishly, but I am a defence barrister!

 

[laura dec 1988]

I think your post is very offensive and abrupt, and as well as me you have offended many of the girls on here with your harsh words.

First of all this is a pregnancy support and advice forum.....for women who need help, advice of others and someone to talk to!!! not a site to come on here and critisise the women, there parental responsibilities and there ways and means of living.

We dont all chose to be single mothers, many of us wud love your happy lifestyle with all your money and your loving supportive partner......its not always reality though is it??
I am 21 and 6 months pregnant and my partner left......is that my choice...no Why not sympathise with some of the girls inculding me on here and make some friends, like we all do.

Im sorry but u have completley gone the wrong way about coming on this forum, were here to help and support each other 110%

 

[bearsmummy]

Oh my god talk about attacking people!
I have just turned 20 and i am nearly 23 weeks pregnant, i used contraception and still fell pregnant that therefore is not my fault i took the approprate precautions. It is not my fault that the selfish git that i was with decided he didn't want a family. I therefore am going to do my best to raise my child on my own with the support of those around me and where as you may frown upon that i frown more upon abortion so i'm very sorry if we single, young parents offend you but you have absolutely no right saying any of that! And i worked from the age of 16 until september last year which is when i decided to go back to college i didn't plan on getting pregnant but now i am i find it very hard to find work so i am going to be relying on benefits to help support my child but when she is born i will be doing all i can to find work so why don't you get off your high horse and realise that not everyone out there can have the perfect circumstances for a child!

 

[Mervs Mum]

Good job Dani's here to defend you eh Broody!

 

[dani_2010]

Only on a small point Mervs mum!

 

[Mamafy]

Maybe we should here from Broody again to see what she has to say

I didn't know you were a barrister Dani, they love a good argument don't they

 

[Tonks]

Thread to remain closed. The member 'broody' is not actually a real member.