Really upset at the way hes behaving):

[katie05]

O.k im not sure if this is the right section for this or why im even writing this..perhaps as ive had an awful day with my little boy today and im venting. He has just turned 3 and has suddenly become quite naughty around other children. I take him lots of lovely places like farms and play centres and lately he has becaome really bad at sharing with other children and even starting to lash out.
For instance today he pushed a little girl for no reason when she came near him. I told him no and made him say sorry but the mother was talking about him to another mum and it may seem ridiculous but i felt like crying as he is such a good boy..or was
He isnt really violent or anything (apart from pushing) but if a child is on something he wants he just pulls them or bosses them off it.

This isnt like me to be this upset but in a way i feel ive done something wrong or not enough and this has made him do this. I often confuse him by saying 'if you do that again we are going'...then dont as my friend are there and id hate to cause a scene.

I now find myself watching him all the time in these places and see other mums not looking once at their children.

Sorry for moaning on, hubby thinks im over-reacting but he never has to deal with this.

As he's my 1st child..is this an age thing? or just the way he's going to be?

 

[xrachx]

i sympathise with you as Glenn is starting to be like that too, your little boy is older than glenn so have you thought about a naughty mat? something you can roll up and take with you if you go out anywhere, thats the approach i would take for a three year old, just a thought, you didnt say how you deal with bad behaviour apart from empty threats, and please dont take it wrong but it can lead to even worse behaviour as he sees you dont mean what you say so i think he isnt getting the message very clearly at all, does that make sense?

 

[katie05]

Thanks for your reply hun..im not offended as i know im full of empty threats. I use different methods with him depending on the degree of behaviour. But really giving him a warning then either has timeout in his room or i remove a toy for a while. He has had the occasional smacked bottom (well tapped mainly from dad) but very rarely as this does not bother him as its really a tap and he just walks off! Hes more upset at the first 2 methods. If out and about i make him apologise or give a toy back.

Its prob my mixed methods thats the problem isnt it There is no way he would sit on a mat for any time and id feel like a fool infront of other mothers if i had to keep putting him on it.

 

[xrachx]

yer there is that thing of looking a fool, i think its just a case of just carry on with what your doing hoping it will begin to work in the end and also a bit of support, if you need a chat or a vent just pm me.xx

 

[lauramumof2]

Welcome to my world. Its really frustrating and puts me off going out with him sometimes. As for the other mother, sod her. I hate the way some people are so smug. The parents with children that raise there hands that annoy me are the ones that do nothing. You stopped the behaviour right away and if the other mother cant see that then more fool her.

I dont have any solutions as I am still working on him but tbh, he has always been a wee bit like that. Jessica very rarely raised her hands and it was a case of 'pushed too far' when she did. But Joe just does it if someone comes near him, into his space too much.

I really sympathise

 

[beanie]

Seren is a madam at times. I find the best way is consistency, Seren knows that certain behaviours get "the look" lol, and if she is particularly naughty and continues to do so we will go home. Whether it causes a row with friends or not (though they should understand) Seren needs to know that if she is told a consequence and does it then she gets that consequence. If she snatches a toy or takes them off something I will go up and take the toy back to the other child.I also talk to her about how people feel when someone hurts them, and Seren knows that hitting makes people feel sad and hurts them. My main trick though is positive parenting, so if she has behaved I say to her that I thought she played really nicely, and that she made so and so happy by being a great friend - I don't go overboard but I do mention it, but if she has been naughty apart from saying no that's not nice I won't mention it as I don't want to give it anymore attention. It is tough and there are days when I would quite happily run away but you need to be consistent.

toddlers are hard work, the baby age is sooo easy compared to this

 

[babsi]

B

 

[katie05]

Thank you so much for your replies. I wasnt going to take him to our regular tuesday playgroup today in case anything happened but after reading your advice i think i will and try more positive approaches. Beanie i think your right about the positive parenting..i am but if something happens i tend to go on talking about it to him and saying it wasnt nice etc.

Having a 6 month old i also agree that the baby stage is a doddle! He is however so loving with her.

Thanks again its good to get it off my chest as my friends children seem so good all the time so i dont say much

 

[Sandi4Paul]

Okji don't have a child your age sao you may think i don't have a clue what i am talking about here, but reading your first post it seems you have one way of dealing with bad behaviour at home and another when you are out.

if this is the case you may be teaching him that he can get away with stuff like this when he is out.

I guess removing a toy when out wont work as well sa there will be otehr 'cool' toys to play with if one is removed. Maybe some other punishment that will make him think Hey don't like that, wont do what lead to it again.

back in the '70s and early 80s my mother would smack me in public or private if my behaviour warrented it (I am not suggesting you do this, its only an example) so i lerned that it was never ok to do certain things regardless of where i was. My point being my mother was never embarressed to make a scene to get us to behave in what she considered an approriate way.

however as i said i don't have a child the age of your son yet so i might be talking complete rubbish for the situation.


Sandi

 

[Lou]

If we are at play centre and Isaac is naughty we come home, simple as that!

It has worked too, he even said to me last time 'mummy I won't splash water today because I want to sing songs' (they sing at the end of each session) so he understands its HIM who misses out when he is naughty.

 

[Sage]

I think its just a stage they go through its hard when they dont really understand. My son is just entering this phase. His cousin who is only 9 days younger than him comes to play regularly. If we're over their house hes good as gold. But when he comes here Kyran goes mad if he touches his toys and will snatch them away. Its so hard trying to explain to a one year old why this behaviour is not allowed He does no now that he shouldnt do it but it doesnt stop him