feeling really down

[NICCI]

i dont know where to start really so im gonna apologize now if this doesnt make sense!!
i feel as though i am failing jack!! he is 16 weeks old and still isnt in a proper routine, he doesnt have scheduled naps and he doesnt go to sleep at the same time every night even though i do have a routine of bath feed and cuddles!! he comes up to bed when we do and goes to sleep quiet well in his moses basket from about 11 till about 1 - 2, then he has a feed which i know he probably doesnt need because he should be able to go 8 hours now, because im soooo exhausted i end up falling asleep in the bed (DH went mad this morning at me for having him in the bed, he doesnt feel safe with him in our bed) i keep trying and trying to settle him at night but its just not working! think we r gonna try the cot this weekend
he is also still feeding every 2 - 3 hours i did manage to strech that to 3 - 4 but jack became quite fussy so im thinking that maybe he has started the 4 month growth spurt but im not sure now and im putting him back into the habit of feeding every 2 - 3 hours!! he comfort feeds in the night about 4 or 5 times so i need to get the motivation to try and settle him another way!!1
these past couple of days i have just felt really out of control and that im not doing a very good job with him and its upsetting

sorry just needed to rant xxxxx

 

[Laur_250]

You arent failing him! Reggie still doesnt really have a routine yet, he just comes to bed when we do and i feel naughty for letting him sleep in with us but its the only way i get sleep too. I do feel guilty im not teaching him to go to sleep on his own cos i literally have to rock him on my arm to distract him until he falls asleep and then im too scared to wake him by moving him to his own crib . He sleeps through til 5/6am most nights though but every other night he does go back to feeding about 1-2am as well so still isnt perfect. In the day he still feeds every 3-4 hours although again sometimes he'll go just 1-2 hours.

Just carry on as you are, it sounds like youre doing a great job at teaching him a routine Nic.xx

 

[NICCI]

thanks laura xxxxx

 

[Laur_250]

By the way, just read your other thread about jack, Reggie also has been more grumpy recently, biting his hands and dribbling loads, i cant work out if its the growth spurt or teething, he's not feeding more, the HVs still count him as 4 weeks younger than he is so dont no if the 4 month growth spurt will be now or at 5 months! xx

 

[kellyandbump]

Just wanted to let you know that since we moved Chloe into her own room she sleeps a lot better, think OH's snoring was waking her up. Don't worry about the lack of routine, bath and bedtime is the only one that we have, daytime naps just happen when she is tired.

 

[keli]

I must be a terrible mum then! I have let Cooper find his own routine.. he feeds when he wants and he sleeps when he wants! lol. He still feeds every 2 hrs, at night will go 4 hrs. He sleeps with me and he's on and off the boob all night! The only way he falls asleep is on the boob.. altho TBF i haven't tried any other way with him! lol. I'm happy like this and so is Cooper All i seem to hear is routine, sleep all night, routine! Why? Go with what your baby wants is what i say. They are only little a short period of time enjoy it, your doing a fab job

 

[NICCI]

thank u ladies xxxxx

 

[Quill]

Eli is 15 weeks and we are really loose with the routine. I can't for the life of me get him to settle in the evenings so I just breastfeed him to sleep from 11pm to anywhere from midnight to 1:30am. He usually sleeps for 6-7 hours but he is a handful and rarely sleeps during the day and almost NEVER during the evening - he just cries and grouches unless he has a boob in his mouth and I don't know how else to settle him.

So you definitely aren't alone And i'm so tired of people asking about "oh, have you established a routine?" or "The books say X Y and Z, better start!" Well, they're welcome to spend a day watching us or trying to settle him because I'm doing the best I can and routines aren't exactly established overnight

Good luck and try not to feel down... I think there are a lot of us in the same kind of situation.

 

[loz]

Please dont pressure yourself about routines and what babies 'should' be doing now. Every baby is different, every parent is different, every household is different. Just try and enjoy being a mummy and do things your own way in your own time

 

[ASD123456]

No routine here either.

At the end of the day, if Jack is happy, feeding well and healthy and your ok with not having a routine then thats all that matters. Routines work for some and not for others. I've found that Rudy has naturally gained some sort of routine himself anway.

For the night waking, does he have a dummy? If so try using that instead of the feeding, I started doing this a few weeks ago and now I only have to feed Rudy at about 7am and just replace the dummy every other time he wakes. I moved Rudy into his own room when he was about 3 months because he outgrew the moses basket and the cot didn't fit in our room. It took about a week to get properly sorted in there but now he sleeps quite well as do we, because I found we were just disturbing eachother all the time when in the same room, if we go away now and he sleeps in the same room as me I don't sleep because I wake at every noise. This might also help with the night feeding because you can't really fall asleep feeing LO if your not in bed (well, you can but not in bed and you get cold really quickly so soo wake)

He still feeds every 2-3 hours too, I don't know how to change this. Is Jack a big boy? Rudy is so I put his regular feeds down to this.

Fwiw, I feel like your feeling now sometimes but the feeling does lift, I think it's just a part of motherhood.

You are doing a brilliant job