please give advice re my son im desperate

[mrs h]

Hi i really need some advice re my son who is 20 months old. Since birth he has always been so active and always wanted to be out and about.
He has never liked being restrained to a small area like in a highchair,car seat never liked playpen or even in one room. He has to have full run of the house.
Anyway i am finding it hard to entertain him as he is so active and has a very short attention span unless he is outside.
I think he has ADHD due to the following things
I have to take him to different parks every day as he gets bored if we go to the same one.
The same with soft play centres, i have to vary weekly as he s not interested if we have been there the week previously.
He is not interested in his toys only new ones (and i cant afford to buy new ones at minute)
He wont play on his own not even for 5 mins i have to entertain him constantly.
I take him to different playgroups but after a month of going to a new one after 10 mins he starts crying and wanting to go as he s fed up so im back to finding a new group to occupy him..
At the play group today we all met up in a park so he should have been happy but after 5 mins of getting there he was trying to go. It seems he didnt like it when other children there. I tried every thing to keep him happy but after 30 secs on a swing he wanted to get off and the same for everything else.
All the children were sat down after 30 mins for a picnic and were eating happily but Judah insisted on doing his own thing.
Im running out of places (and money) to take him and to keep him entertained.
He whinges if we stay in the house for more than 2 hours.
I cant go shopping with him as he refuses to stay in the trolley and can climb out and ends up running round the aisles like its a game. My mil has even admitted she finds it hard doing simple tasks round the house whilst she minds him as he is so active.
He was in nursery about 4 months ago and he got on with other children but was still very active and wanted new things so i dont know where this not wanting to play with other children has come from.
A typical week for him involves parks,playgroups,library.softplay etc and i am now resorting to going to museums and even going to pets at home to show him the animals for free.
I honestly cant think of one day he has stayed in the house and been happy.
He eats on the go. i put his food on his little table and he picks at his food when he wants as he wongt sit down and eat all in one go.
When he is in the house he demands to go up or downstairs after 20 mins either up/downstairs
Is this normal that he has to visit 5 parks on rotation? and i have to visit every softplay centre in my area.?
Do you think i have made him demand attention by giving in to him and taking him out or is he just like this?
please any advice would be appreciated

 

[Tangerinedream]

First of all you must be mentally and phyisically exhausted with all of that running about with him, taking him to different places.

I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say he is too used to getting his own way. When he wants to go after 5 minutes do you leave or do you try to encourage him (or even force him) to stay? Does he have a tantrum? It doesnt sound like ADHD, I think he is just so used to being shown new things toys etc that he now expects it.

 

[mrs h]

Hi and thanks for your reply
Yes he does have tantrums but i dont give in to them when he wants to go, when we have only just got there. I dont give in because ive paid a couple of quid and also i think i try and distract him by saying look at this and see if i can take his mind off going and hopefully he ll have a good time
I do cave in at home as im on my own now and its just easier to see what he wants than listen to him scream. (that really sounds awful but it is so hard at the minute)
I have just re read my post and i must sound like i spoil him with new toys all the time but i honestly dont i just cant seem to cope with his demands at the minute.
The latest demand is when im having my tea he thrusts a book onto me and wants me to read as im sat down and not playing with him.

 

[Squiglet]

My friends little boy was diagnosed at 2 with ADHD...it was a really early diagnosis too as he was quite bad... but what you describe doesn't sound like my friends little boy...He really didn't care where he went, just so long as he could go out... my friend takes him to this massive soft play place....Jungle Jungle... its in an old warehouse and he just goes wild. He'll climb on stuff and launch himself off it not really caring if he gets hurt, and constantly puts himself in danger...He has a nasty habit of wandering off too if you don't watch him all the time and he talks relentlessly too...

Most little boys are handfuls, they are little boys but it sound like your LO is exceptionally bright and needs new stimulation all the time. Which is why the same tging becomes boring to him.

Mind if he does have ADHD, the constant change will not help him... kids with ADHD require a very strict routine. Their thoughts are so disorganised they need the routine to feel safe, and know whats happening. Take a month an establish a strict routine, where you do the same things at the same times every day and go the same places every week.. If after a month he hasn't improved you will know that it's probably not ADHD but that he requires lots of stimulation... Do you still send him to a nursery?

 

[mrs h]

No he doesnt go to nursery as we moved then i separated from husband so i cant afford to send him to nursery. Also he never really liked being left at nursery so im unsure what to do for the best. I want him to mix with other kids but i dont want to push him in a nursery if he doesnt like it (but again he could be playing me)
Squiglet when you mentioned your friends son that does sound like him when he goes out he is wild and always wanting to run off and do his own thing with.
As for the strict routine i am going to do this as i cant carry on but if he does need all this stimulation could it be a phase or will he always be like this do you think

 

[mary70]

hi hun hannah is 3 next week an is just the same as your son, we went for her visit to nursery before the holidays and she was the only one not to sit down for snack but i think she is just very energetic, i am hoping that she calms down when she starts nursery

 

[jue]

I have a son with ADHD, and it was obvious from very early that he had it. His pyschologist has told me that life for an ADHD'er is like living on a fast roller coaster 24/7, certainly its like that for the family as a whole.

I was very worried about having him "labelled" at a young age, and didnt push for a diagnosis till he was about 7. I am happy that I waited as I wanted to be sure that he wasnt just going through terrible 2's etc....

Now looking back, I maybe would have pushed for a diagnosis before he started school as his primary years were very turbulent with several changes of school and an eventual move of 120 miles to get him into a secondary school that could cope with him.

If I were you......I would make my GP aware of my worries, you could maybe get a referral at the least they can help you with behaviour modification and help you to cope with his hyperactivity. I certainly would never ever put a child so young on meds although I have heard of children as young as 3 on Ritalin, I think you have to get at least through the early years just in case you only have a very active child.

With my Ryan, he couldnt sit and read a book, and he never watched t.v for longer than 5 mins.....he was constantly on the go, and had no attention span what-so-ever......it was very apparent that he was more than just your average "full of beans little boy"

I can recommend a great book by Dr Christopher Green, its been about a while and there are newer books, but I swear by this book and had to buy a second copy as I re-read the first so many times. I will gladly loan you my copy, and if you need an ear/shoulder just shout

Just seen how long this is

 

[mrs h]

Thanks for everyones replies.
Jue i wouldnt want Judah to have medication i just want to know if maybe im making my son behave like this or he is always on the go naturally.
I would like him to be seen by a dr but the dr s we are the minute im not that happy with and i can see the dr just shrugging off my concerns and saying all kids are like that get used to it this was his response to my son s sleeping problems
Can i ask whether your son likes being around other children as im just wondering where this has come from with judah not wanting to be around other kids and wanting to go.
Also you said your son has a short attention span do you try and keep his attention on the same thing or do you encourage him to do other things if he wants to. Im just interested in what approach you take
I would love to read the book you reccommended maybe there is some answers in there for me. How do you want me to pay postage thru paypal/cheque just pm me with your address
Thanks for replying im already feeling a bit more positive

 

[jue]

Hi

Ryan had sleeping problems too, in fact he hardly ever slept, at bedtime I had to put him in my bed and lay with him till he fell asleep, which could take hours. Then as soon as his eyes opened he was like a jack in the box, sprung full of action, didnt care if he had only had an hour or 2 he was up.

My doc was good, he always knew when we were at the surgery, he could hear Ryan, and he was the one who pointed out to me that Ryan was way hyper.

As for other kids...it wasnt so much that he didnt like them it was more they couldnt keep up with him, and he used to get bored of kids his own age, also because he did things at a hundred miles an hour he often got hurt, and this sometimes involved his friends. Our local hospital knew us well Also because he was so fast and hyper he never got invited to any birthday parties or to any bodies house, which was really hard for me as well as him, I really hated to see him upset

With Ryan, it was impossible to keep his attention on anything, so I tend to have several things on the go at once, if indoors. Most of the time if the weather allowed we were out and about. I never tried to keep his attention for longer than he would allow, for instance, if he was painting, he would never completly finish a picture, so he woukld go off to something else, and maybe finish the picture later or maybe not!!!! On relly bad days when I just couldnt take anymore, I would just grab a ball and take him out to a field and ler him loose to run off steam, this way I got to sit down for a bit and nothing got broken

Dont set unrealistic targets you will just be setting yourself and your son up for failure, and that will damage his self esteem, and also your confidence.

I realise I am writing an essay again, but its really important that you have some idea of what is ahead for you and your son if he does eventually get diagnosed......its a hard slog, but worth it in the end, my Ryan is 15 now and had just gained a distinction in his English exam, he is at school every day (unheard of in his primary years) and he is doing well.

We met a few really great people along Ryans school years, and you will really find out who your friends are

As for the book.....pm me your addy, dont worry about the postage, I just hope it helps