Real friend?

[jarjar7]

Hey Ladies...I am off out tonight with my girls and whilst speaking to one of them on the phone this morning she asked me 'Pregnant yet?' when I said no not yet I got the response 'What is he doing? Does he want me to draw a diagram of where to put it?!'...I tried to just laugh this off and said 'well, we're just enjoying trying at the minute'...but it really upset me and now I'm due out with her tonight...a real friend dont say something like that do they or am I over-reacting?
xxxx

 

[Bead]

Hey JarJar
Sorry to hear your friend got you down... not the most tactful comment!
I don't think she meant to upset you. I think it's just that some people who haven't been through the same waiting game simply don't understand how frustrating it can be for us.
Try not to let it get to you - water off a duck's back is my philosophy!

 

[jarjar7]

Yeah true. Its just that she knows how important having a baby is to me and how long I've waited...she fell pregnant by 'accident' and had a baby last November and since then its like she's the only woman to go through it and we all should all bow to her...my closest friend has 2 kids but is so supportive to me its amazing, giving me tips etc...I'm not looking forward to tonight now!!!

 

[serenitylove]

im sure she was just joking i think unless u know how it feels ttc she may not see that people are sensative about it tell her you find it hard and would rather not here it

 

[JJ Mum]

Until people have been there, they just won't understand, not their fault just circumstances, she will feel different perhaps when she TTC another maybee and then understand your situation a little more, but until then just try to go with it, if she keeps on being tactless, tell her it truefully concieving is hard when planned , and how hard you have found it all, and she may start to see how her comments make you feel, only her a change for the better reaction then will tell you if she is a real friend X

 

[frankie707]

Totally agree with JJ Mum - well said.
Hope your friend is more supportive in the future.

 

[jarjar7]

Thank you, I know you're all right...I shall just go out and enjoy myself and let it go over my head!! Lol...
xxx

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Good on you..I have found that friends without children are the most clueless bunch, even more so if they havent thought about having babies yet - they dont know how deeply their comments go

 

[jarjar7]

I know, she fell pregnant just off the cuff apparently and is no longer with the father so I know she wont see it from where I am...just a little insensitive...xxx

 

[bwakeling]

Your friend wasn't very tactful but was probably stuck for something to say. Don't take it personally!

 

[xXxBonnyxXx]

This is the main reason that I haven't told family and friends that we are TTC - there is only one special friend who knows and she is on here x

 

[jarjar7]

Yeah I haven't really told many people but I was talking to her on the phone one day and she said 'anything happening on the baby front?' cos she knows I have wanted one and up til now my partner has been reluctant so I just told her we were trying, to get her off my back with all the 'why are you still with him? He's not going to give you children you know?' comments...xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

How did you night out go last night, was it ok?

 

[jarjar7]

Yeah it was great thanks JJ...She tried starting about it once so I just said 'look, leave it, its been 4 months, that's nothing...for now we're just enjoying it and we're not worried' and she dropped it, didn't mention it again!
Feeling a little worse for wear though, didn't roll home til 3:30 this morning!!! Lol...
xxx

 

[ema-lou24]

glad you had a good night hun

this is the reason why i havent told anyone bar my real close mates, but even at that, they wait for me to tell them anything. i.e if im late or experiencing sypmtoms, they dont ask, they wait for me to open up to them.

She maybe felt awkward and thought she would make a joke of it, my OH does this sometimes when he feels awkward.

least you had a good night, you never know you might have fallen preggo after a drunken fumble, happens to others lol xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Ha - well done Jar Jar!!! Bet she couldn't believe it! She should leave the subject for a good while now

Glad you had a good night X

 

[Flossie]

Hiya, Glad you had a good night, as the others have said try not to let it get to you. Probably everybody has had some tactless comment. Ive had a few myself....

MIL asked me after hubbys test cam back normal 'do you think theres something wrong with you then?' could have quite easily throttled her there and then!!

After finding out my tubes were normal my sister told me to 'get bonking' even though I told her i wasnt ovulating because of PCOS so no amount of bonking would make any diiference.

Also, both my sister and MIL have asked if we would adopt if we cant have children!!!

I think in MIL's day that you either got pregnant or you didnt, nobody knew about the various conditions that can hinder TTC or had the treatments and my sister is only 21 so she doesnt understand.
Sometimes I wish they would think before opening their mouths but I just dont think they realise.

Sorry if ive rambled, just wanted to let you know you werent alone! keep positive and ignore any thoughtless comments xx

 

[jarjar7]

Thanks Ladies...yes, hopefully she will stay quiet now! At least for a while...
I do think its difficult because, as people have said, until you're in the situation I guess you dont know how it feels...luckily my Mum is really supportive and would rather not ask anything instead of bombard me with questions and make me feel bad...my Sister in Law said today that she is sending me good thoughts and praying for me (?!) and that felt nice rather than 'so, whats going on?'...I guess you just have to take the rough with the smooth and let things wash over you.
xxxx

 

[MrsB]

Glad you told your friend how it is - it's v true that friends don't really get it unless they're going through it too.

i've got a friend who had a baby a year ago and is on my case constantly about getting pregnant - she even made me take a test at work the other day cos i was feeling a bit sick (would have been interesting if it was positive as currently wtt and on pill rather than ttc!) and then when i explained why we're wtt she understood.

i also have a friend (no children and not planning any at the mo) who keeps saying "preggers yet?" and then when i try to talk to her about it she just says that we're young and there's no rush, why not wait a few years! can't win!

still, there's lots of support and advice here so if you need a good moan or just to let out some excitement i think your in the right place!xxx

 

[jarjar7]

Yeah I think so too MrsB...I never realised so many people were in the same boat as me until I joined here!

You cant please everyone can you?! My other friend was trying for her first for 9 months then she fell pregnant with her second when she wasn't even trying so she has the full scope, she's REALLY good to go to for advice!!! Lol...
xxxxx