Rant alert! :(

[Juice]

Bethany is 2 next month and for the last couple of months almost every single person I have spoken to has asked me about nursery. As we're entitled to the free hours when she's two, everyone is just assuming that I'm going to take them. When I tell them I'm not planning on sending her to nursery yet they look shocked and ask why. And I'm f*cking sick to death of having to justify my decision to continue to look after my own child rather than needlessly pass her off onto someone else!!

If I wasn't coping, had to work, or one of the other many reasons people have to send their kids to nursery then I'd understand people's concern. But none of those things apply me, so why the hell should I send her to nursery?

What's wrong with wanting to keep my baby with me for as long as I can? Why the hell should I send her away when there is no need? What's so damn wrong with my care that I should have to send her away? She gets plenty of socialisation and right now at her age, that would be the only thing I can see that would be a benefit of nursery. She doesn't need any prep for school yet so what would be the point?

I don't get why people think it's okay to make me feel so shit about the fact that I want to keep her with me for as long as I reasonably can?! She's mine and it is MY job to look after her!

So, yeah, that's it really. Just so pissed off at everyone's attitudes towards other people's decisions and whilst I'm at it, I'd just like to mention that the last person who brought up the nursery thing with me is 30 weeks pregnant and still smoking and I've said jack shit to her about that!! So she's got some damn nerve!!

 

[Toni.C]

Oh how frustrating!

You do what's best for you and your LO. We are in a similar situation to you and I've decided not to go back to work so I can look after A so I don't have to ship him off to someone else and can enjoy him for longer. At that age they need their mummy and daddy for as long as they can, and I can't see at two they'd benefit anymore than they would being at home with you! X

 

[Baby2sky]

Well said. My daughter has never been to childcare and shes 2.7. Shes incredibly social, intelligent, independent and I don't see what else she needs, yet people keep going on at me and my husband about how she 'needs' nursery. Uhm, no. She's doing great as she is, I like having her here with me and shes going to be in a learning environment for at least 14 years of her life so I'm quite happy to have her with me for a couple.of years!

 

[Pumpkin9]

From an alternative perspective, what's wrong with sending them to nursery? yes you want to look after them as long as possible but just because you are a sahm or similar does not mean that your child can't go to nursery and spend time away from you and with their peers.

I work so my little one has time at nursery and with grandparents but even so, while I'm on maternity leave next year I will still be sending him to nursery as he throughly enjoys it, plus I think it's good for him to have some time to be an independent little person (he's currently 18 months).

I know what you're saying about people almost questioning you about your decision - none of us enjoy that aspect of being a mum or dad .

 

[Juice]

There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing whatsoever. But there's nothing wrong with just wanting her at home either and it upsets me that people think I'm wrong for choosing to keep her with me. She will go to nursery when I feel it is the right time for her and for me, but that time is not now. She gets plenty of time with children her age and I try and be as hands off as possible so she can be independent, but I'm not comfortable being away from her whilst she's so small and has so little speach.

This post wasn't to bash people for sending their kids to nursery. That's not what I'm doing at all.

 

[Orion]

It is frustrating when you make the opposite decision to what people expect. But it's your child. Your decision.

But just to defend people - they mean well. They're not thinking about you as a mother, they're thinking about the potential benefits for your little one.

I personally do think nursery is a good thing - even if it's just a few hours a week. Just to get them used to being left before school if for no other reason. Yes, school is a way off yet, but the more prep the better. And, kids just LOVE to brag about the things they've done away from you! Lol

Everyone is different and if you don't want your child to go to nursery at all, then that's fine.

But I do think you're being a bit judgemental about people who've made a different decision. Not all kids who go to nursery 'have to' because their mum can't cope or works or whatever. You don't like people judging your decisions so maybe you shouldn't judge others.

 

[russellmuscle]

I work and Jackson has been at nursery since he was 8 months. I have noticed whilst him being at nursery he has come on a lot quicker than other kids his age who necessarily might not have the same stimulation, whether it be learning and development, also just down to socialising. Jackson who is 2 can say his alphabet, count and knows more shapes than I do – he can also hold a conversation and loves everyone, so Id lean towards saying that me “pamming my child off with someone else” to look after has done some justice to Jackson’s development. I have noticed a difference from Jackson and other children his age who dont attend nursery. The reason kids are given free hours from that age is because at 2, theyr little spongey brains crave more than just whats going on at home. Even if I were a stay at home mother, I would still give Jackson that opportunity of learning more than I can provide for him. Unless of course you are going to be doing learning and development skills at home with all of the needs - then its just the same thing only with no other friends?

If you want to keep your child at home, that is all you need to say.

 

[kumber]

I can understand why some people are surprised - I'm a big advocate of nurseries as I do think toddlers particularly need to learn to cope being away from parents, and at nursery they get a different type of socialisation than they would with parents.

BUT I also fully understand not putting them in nursery as they aren't little for long and it's lovely to have them with you for as long as possible.

It's what suits you really, isn't it? And it's wrong for people to make judgements on what you do with your family! Unfortunately people will always give you an opinion on kids whether you want it or not!

 

[heatheror12]

It is up to you if you chose to send her to nursery or not. And no one should make you feel bad for your decision. But on the flip side saying that sending your child to nursery is palming her off and that it's your job to look after her could be hurtful to people like me who have no choice but to send my boys to nursery. Tho i absolutely love my son's nursery and feel sending him to nursery has been the best thing. Like someone above said all you need to say is its your choice that's all.

 

[tinselcat]

I think part of the reaction may be surprise - as most people, when they are entitled to something 'free', want to milk it for all it's worth!

I wish that when he is 2 or 3 I had the option of not sending my son to nursery, but sadly my circumstances mean I have to be back at work then.

I think the main thing is to enjoy time with your child and let the thoughts/words of others wash off your back.. otherwise you could drive yourself crazy, as everyone has an opinion! xx

 

[sarl1967]

I'm a bit of a lurker nowadays but just thought id offer the OP some support my eldest LG never went to nursery until she was 3 n she was as bright if not brighter than some that had been since v small - she did plenty of activity's and socialising but also had the precious time with me my 16mth old wont b going at two and even now she's showing signs of being the same everyone does what's right for their child but keeping her at home wont make her struggle to excel the same as others x

 

[H16]

I think whatever you want to do either way is fine and it is your choice as it is your child. I am a sahm too, can't afford to go back to work but we earn very slightly too much to get free child care hours. I love being a sahm and wouldn't want to send my LO to nursery but that is just me. I am due to have another baby next week anyway so it makes sense to have my daughter at home still. I will be sending her when she turns three though even though I will probably still be a sahm due to little boy being 1 at that point and I decided to send her at that age due to wanting to get her used to a school like environment but that is my only reason. My daughter doesn't turn 2 for another 2 months yet and can count to 20, knows all the shapes, has nearly nailed her alphabet, has been making proper sentences for months etc so personally I think all that stuff is more to do with the child and how you interact with them than if they go to nursery or not x

 

[Mummybexee]

Wait till that second one comes along! I returned to work at 6 months for financial reasons. I now have a 2.5 week old and an 18 month old and fuck me I'm thankful I'm keeping him in nursery a day

You are right to do whatever you want it must be annoying but do consider it! Even for a day a week- it will be great for her and for you when number 2 comes along. As it's difficult - if you get them free - utilise them I say - you may be surprised with how much she could enjoy nursery - after all the hours are for her

 

[russellmuscle]

Actually my statement wasn't to kick off a competition I was giving example? I didnt say he learned those things at nursery and if your child doesn't go they won't learn them? There's things the nursery have asked me where he's learned things as they haven't taught that particular shape or whatever.

Anyway wasn't really the main point I've gave my tuppence.

*unsubscribes*

xxxxx

 

[Pumpkin9]

There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing whatsoever. But there's nothing wrong with just wanting her at home either and it upsets me that people think I'm wrong for choosing to keep her with me. She will go to nursery when I feel it is the right time for her and for me, but that time is not now. She gets plenty of time with children her age and I try and be as hands off as possible so she can be independent, but I'm not comfortable being away from her whilst she's so small and has so little speach.

This post wasn't to bash people for sending their kids to nursery. That's not what I'm doing at all.

That wasn't my intention to come across as if you were bashing people For sending their kids to nursery, just re-read my post and it came across abit frank second time round so I apologise for that - what I was trying to say, somehow is that it's not a bad thing, but I get what you're saying about people questioning your decision. I had the exact thing with my mil although she thought I was being ridiculous sending my lb to nursery!

 

[Orion]

...When I tell them I'm not planning on sending her to nursery yet they look shocked and ask why.

... it upsets me that people think I'm wrong for choosing to keep her with me.

I don't see what's wrong with people being interested in why you've made that decision. You don't have to explain yourself if you don't want to, but it's a naturall progression in a conversation to ask why. And you're inferring they think your decision is wrong. I doubt anyone has said you're doing the wrong thing. Maybe you should just relax a little about a common topic of conversation between mums.

Everyone has an opinion. But at the end of it all, everyone agrees that it's your decision.

 

[H16]

Actually my statement wasn't to kick off a competition I was giving example? I didnt say he learned those things at nursery and if your child doesn't go they won't learn them? There's things the nursery have asked me where he's learned things as they haven't taught that particular shape or whatever.

Anyway wasn't really the main point I've gave my tuppence.

*unsubscribes*

xxxxx

I don't think anyone is trying to kick off a competition hun, we all love our kids and are super proud of their achievements no matter how big or small they are, it is nice to share different perspectives that's all xxx

 

[littlemonkey]

I also get free childcare now my eldest is two. I wasn't going to bother initially with being home on mat leave and now being home all day cos I'll be working evenings. I love having my son home with me. But I decided to send him after having my second baby. Frankly I need the break and I also want to spend some one to one time with my youngest.

Every one is different and as a parent you're always going to have some egit question your decisions. Frankly, the only person I feel I have to explain myself to is my husband, it is no one elses business.

 

[Baby2sky]

How come some people are getting free childcare at 2? I have always been told its 3 years old for 15 hours free?

 

[H16]

You are eligible if you earn below 16,000 a year / receive certain benefits x