rant about all sorts.

[violet13]

Hi ladies,
I've already mentioned this before but now I'm really just not happy. I need some advice and I don't want to be nasty but I think it's high time I had a go at these people, my friend hasn't bothered with me since I got pregnant, she came here not long ago to see me basically used my house like a freaking hotel never cleaned up after herself allowed her dog to attack mine and deliberately forgot her dogs books for kennels incase it got really bad. I was so stressed out and angry at the time and now she's back to ignoring me and when she rings I am expected to drop everything and talk to her. She's going on and on about being god mother to my baby and I just think why the hell should she be? She's not been there for me at all! She's not bothered about the baby it's the attention she'll get tags she likes, she constantly texts me thinking she's pregnant she doesn't want kids and isn't using birth control and her boy friend is 7 years younger than her he's 18 and doesn't want kids yet either. But I am really getting sick of people only now coming out of the wood work because I'm due next weekend I don't want to be nasty but I am literally at my wits end with at least 4 people family and friends, I know this will sound terrible but just because someone bought us something doesn't mean they automatically get to be involved in my baby's life especially since I've not had any contact from some of them in the entirety of my pregnancy and now their like ooh we got you this and now want to see him when he's born. Doesn't work like that to me you either bother or you do one. I know it's a bit of a ramble and I may piss someone off but honestly when they just want to be involved so they can say they where there isn't on in my eyes you either are throughout or you just leave me alone she even said she'll come up and be my birthing partner not even considering my husband is going to be there and I don't want her there! and all this "baby needs to be born in such and such a date" is really really winding me up he'll be here when he's ready and it's really becoming too much tbh I don't need this amount of stress and upset from people. I just want them to back off and I've got no way of trying to explain how when I can't get a word in. Honestly ladies in hormonal as hell I don't need this nonsense and I don't know what to do! Thanks for letting me rant and ramble.
Xxxx

 

[MrsS143]

You dont need to do anything
Go have your baby
Tell her when hes born
If she starts making an effort and visits to see him often etc then fair enough
As for anyone else... Youll get visitors. Still nice to meet the new arrival even if normally youd never see them
We all do it. Babies are special and cute. We see them when theyre born a bit then sometimes very little afterwards
Just see how you get on. As you say hormones are running high. These feelongs might change
She doesnt seem like a great friend though. Kinda flakey x

 

[KHTW]

I have a feeling that once the baby is born you won't have time nor energy to think about your so-called friends Try not to think about it now and focus on you and the baby x

 

[violet13]

I've just ended up in tears so I'm going from angry to upset very quickly it's just be nice if once in a while she bothered to ask how I was I got so upset after my midwife appointment I don't even think I'd of coped if not for my hubby or you guys tbh just so up and down she's hurt me so much and I don't see why she thinks she can just say I'm his godmother when she isn't and will not be. I made those choices ages ago. I love my family so much my mum dad my in laws even my sis in law has been more like a real sister to me and I'm just getting really frustrated and upset and angry I hate being this emotional and I know it isn't my fault I'm just very aeghhhh and mehhhh and then okay for a bit and back to being miffed. Thanks ladies really don't know how much it means for the support you've all given xxx

 

[MrsS143]

Maybe just tell her straight

Say

I dont feel youve been there for me
You never ask how i am
Its always about you and you expect me to drop everything for you all the time
I've already chosen godparents so please stop assuming you are one of them
I've been through shit. And youd know that if you took the time to actually ask how im feeling
Im not going to stop being your friend but its not going to be a 1 way friendship anymore as im fed up of being the one who always makes the effort and always gets hurts by it

X

 

[H16]

^ totally agree x

 

[violet13]

Maybe just tell her straight

Say

I dont feel youve been there for me
You never ask how i am
Its always about you and you expect me to drop everything for you all the time
I've already chosen godparents so please stop assuming you are one of them
I've been through shit. And youd know that if you took the time to actually ask how im feeling
Im not going to stop being your friend but its not going to be a 1 way friendship anymore as im fed up of being the one who always makes the effort and always gets hurts by it

X

Think that's the best way to put it Hun. Thank you, it has hurt me a lot I get not everyone wants or likes kids but she was horrific last year I had an ovarian cyst removed as well as my appendix and she kept pestering to find out if it was causing issues for us to conceive as she was desperate and I mean really desperate to be a surrogate for me which was just weird tbh even then she wasn't really fussed on talking to me it's just become full blown ignoring me till she needs or wants something xxx

 

[Bunny432]

Hi babe, all I can say in response to your post is it was a good few months ago you complained about the same girl. I think plenty of us have had the same thing during our pregnancies and it's hard but... Your on the edge of having the best thing out of life you could ever possibly get - your baby. Hormones aside just focus on that.

Friends will always come and go, I've lost a lot of people who I loved and cared about since I've been pregnant and I'm now 40+1 and they are beginning to text and call again, if you can't just thank them and get on with it then tell them how you feel if you really want them back in your life. If not either ignore or just be civil. The way I see it as we get older it's hard to always see friends, we're on maternity leave we have all the time in the world where's our friends lives still go on as normal.

If she's been flakey during your pregnancy she will probably be the same once baby is here so just keep her at arms length. Be the bigger person and instead of thinking about the negative think about what you do have, a beautiful baby on the way and a loving husband. Who knows once baby's here you may feel on a more emotionally stable level to talk through how she's made you feel and you could make up. People can be selfish without realising, we're all different and some of us just need to be made aware of our actions. If you can't talk to her about it you can't be that close so leave her be and enjoy the net journey of your life. xxxxx

 

[MrsS143]

Youll also make new friends once baby is here
Get yourself to different groups and classes to meet other new mums x

 

[H16]

To be fair, Bunny is right, friends do come and go, even more so once you have kids and your priorities completely change. I have lost lifelong friends I knew since school simply because things change when you have kids and it can be more difficult to stay in touch with people the way you did before. You won't care once baby is here though as you will have a whole new life with completely different priorities and your attitude will be to not bother wasting energy on people who can't be bothered with you. That's how I feel now I have children anyway. You have way less spare time on your hands so the precious amount of spare time you do have you would rather spend with people who truly care and look out for you xxx

 

[lisa1985]

I have a friend just like this! She didnt find out i was pregnant until i was 15 weeks because i wanted to tell her to her face rather than over phone because we have known each other since we were 12 and i did consider her my best friend, anyway i havent seen her since then and i am now 24 weeks! She keeps letting me down every time we are meant to be meeting up and i am fed up of it! Usually the excuse is she cant leave the dog alone in house! Lame excuse as she has no issues staying at her blokes house! I also think she thinks she will be godmother, she hasnt mentioned it yet though and also when i was struggling to conceive she kept going on about being surrogate! Is so difficult and i totally understand where u are coming from and how hard it is to potentially cut them out of our lives! X

 

[MrsS143]

Lisa ... Suggest going a nice walk with the dog together
See her excuse then
If its really crap then pull her up on it
She might struggle seeing you pregnant for some reason. She couldve had a loss or struggling ttc or something
She might not be avoiding you cos she doesnt care. She mighy actually care too much x

 

[kumber]

I hate people like this, I learnt the hard way that real friends will always be there for you. Anyone else is a waste of time.

Violet if you're not happy wih her behaviour then, in my view, you have two options - tell her or remove her from your life. If the first option then I agree, what MrsS said is a fantastic thing to say. If the second, just block her number, delete her from fb, etc. I am an advocate of the second when the first has failed (which I feel is the case here but that's just my view).

Having a baby massively changes what you look for in a friend and you will find yourself gravitating towards mums as you have so much in common. It could be that this is just the natural end to this particular friendship and that's ok. You need to decide if the friendship will be worth this current stress as it'll be stronger in the long term once bubs is here, or if it's only going to continue down this line in which case you really don't need the hassle.

It's your life so take action

 

[lisa1985]

Thanks mrs s. She has always been this way though, so i know it isnt to do with me being pregnant. Problem is i have always made excuses for her being a bit shit and constantly chosing her boyfriends over me, she only wants to see me when she is single or arguing with a bloke! Maybe it is time for me to choose my family over her?! Xx

 

[MrsS143]

I have a friend exactly like that
And im still here if she needs me
I do question why i do it
But she's a childhood friend. And shes just always been around. I dunno why i keep her hanging about but i just do
I have so few friends that thats probably why...
She's never done anything wrong to me as such but is definitely someone who id say i take everything she says with a pinch of salt and i never rely on her or ask her for anything cos that way she cant let me down x

 

[violet13]

Thank you all ladies so much, I know it my hormones playing a huge part in my anger and weepyness and I know she may not mean it this way but I did txt her telling her how I felt and that I had chosen godparents as she has been adamant she is godmother and I'll now post the response for you to see:
Me: "hi, just wondering how you where. I think we need a chat if I'm honest with you as I'm really up and down righ now it could be me getting upset over nothing, but I feel like you just use me and drop me again when it suits. I've not really heard from you since I got pregnant and I know you don't really want kids yet but it's upset me so much and I feel like you just couldn't care less. You've also been telling people and us you're godmother...I'm sorry but that's not true or fair at all we've chosen godparents and I'm sorry but it's not you. Me and *tony made those choices a few months ago. Also demanding he hurry up has upset me, family are going to be first to see him and I know you aren't doing any of this on purpose or to just hurt me but you've not been there and I can't just have you walking in and out of my child's life because it suits you. I need your support and I needed it at the beginning and middle not just when you want to. Sorry to ramble but I'm hurt and upset. XXXX"
Her: " so basically because I'm not having a kid and because I don't like them I can't get to see the baby? I'm his aunty I'm better than your family I was there for you when they weren't all those years ago! So I should be god mother I don't care anymore because I'm sick of hearing about it baby this and baby that....anyone can make a baby it's pretty f*ckkng easy considering how many teenagers press their legs and get a baby. As for not being there and walking in and out of your life, I don't have time to listen to baby related nonsense I'm actually having a life, once he's here that's all I'm going to get! You can't do anything anymore! Can't go bowling can't go drinking and when he's here you won't be able to either so what's the point? Nah f*ck it. I don't care and if I'm honest you hate my dog who hasn't done anything to you he's a bit bouncy but he's not done anything wrong so what if he bit one of yours? Didn't cause any harm its a dog for f*cks sake and if I want to bring him with me to see the baby I am and you can't tell me when I cannot can't I'm his aunty so deal with that! I have helped you loads and this is how you repay me? I'll go to
Court to see him if I have to. I've got rights."


That's what I got after just explaining...I'd said to her a few weeks ago I didn't want her dog here again as we have 3 and hers attacked mine causing puncture wounds on my smallest dog so I just said please don't bring him again as I can't deal with the stress, I've now blocked and deleted her number but she's ringing my hubby's phone and my parents saying she has every right to see the baby and has been ranting on messages to my hubby....she's actually scaring me I wasn't horrible was I? Xxxx

 

[lisa1985]

Yep exactly the same situation Mrs S! I would always be there if anything happened to her and I think it is because she is a childhood friend. I don't have many friends either, only 2 others that I can rely on and are very good to me, I am hoping they don't lose interest in me when baby comes along as they are very far from having babies, possibly never. x

 

[violet13]

Bare in mind she's never reacted this way ever so it's knocked me tbh. I don't need this and honestly good riddence. Thank you so much ladies I've actually got your support and have done since I joined which means so much xxx

 

[lisa1985]

Jeez she sounds immature! How old is she? Is she a friend or family? She can't take you to court and has no rights lol!!! You were totally honest and not mean at all, to be honest you need to look after yourself and your baby and avoid all this stress. x

 

[MrsS143]

Shes a friend. Not actually blood
She has no rights.
She seems a bit loopy tbh. Id just get rid of her from your life
She was a good friend at one point perhaps and was there for you then...but that doesnt mean she can do as she pleases with yoy for the rest of your life just because she was there that one time
Thats not a friend
And for someone not that interested in babies or wanting to hear about him... I dunno why shes so adamant to see him once hes born
Just dont tell her and she cant show up unannounced
Have hubby and family stick up for you too x