Question for Pregnant Single mums??

[Jaxx01]

Have any of you had anything bought by your ex other half for baby??

First of all, my ex said he'd contribute towards the buggy etc but now he's saying I get a grant (which i dont) so he's not buying the baby anything!!

Just curious really xx

 

[Elfs Mummy]

My ex gave me nothing for her and is not involved at all xx

 

[Marianne]

my oh has offered money to his ex partner who he has two children with, and she refused it, it was only £20 a fortnight but its all we have at the moment, we dont work, and we have a baby here to feed and look after too, they get birthdays and christmas' , they got £1000 (£500 each) at christmas last year, £120 each for there birthdays this year.......

bare in mind (even though we are a couple and the money is 'ours', he hasnt bought our son anything !! , i'm the one who is always buying and thinking to buy our son stuff, today for example, he grudged me spending 99p on a packet of baby wipes as they were pampers and thats what i use, but because there were cheap ones on sale (2 for 99p) he wasnt happy and stormed away...........

so at times i grudge what he has gave the other two girls bcos he never hesitates to think to buy them anything and its always the best of stuff and he moans and grudges when i buy our son things ......

but yes i do think they should be helping and paying costs towards the kids and u have a right to go to the csa about it if ure struggling and he isnt willing to help you

 

[xcitedmum2bex]

tbh if hes not interested then his loss end of the day me personally a would ask him for anything if he buys something then thats different but wouldnt even bother u will get there and if hes not paying for baba u can contact csa doesnt affect any benefits ur on now x

 

[nik106]

My OH would make sure i have everything our LO needed/wanted especially if i couldn't afford it, if we ever split up, but i'm pretty sure he's a different breed - we've got things for his ex AND her mum (they're both expecting and due two weeks apart) as they live over the road from us and have no money, the fathers are no longer around. I should probably point out that, neither baby is my OH's.

 

[Georgie0]

Not a sausage!

 

[Jaxx01]

Thanks ladies I was just wondering...I just dont think its fair he basically waited till I was at work one day, wrote a lamearse letter and fooked off!! havent heard from him other than him moaning about how the baby is going to have my surname and how it's grossly unfair that contact is on my terms??

Although, Ive clearly stated that I would never ever stop him seeing our son, BUT it will be on a regular basis, no way am I having a child of mine grow up not knowing when daddy is gonna bother (I saw this with his other child ) I just think it's really unfair how they can f off for 9 months then come back and expect to play daddy when we build up the foundations for the best possible start for our kids xx

 

[jojo_2012]

When my ex was trying to get back with me he was all 'oh I was gonna give you £500 but it's a bit too early yet'. Now I'm clearly not interested there's no mention of it.

 

[Jaxx01]

Well Ive not heard a thing for bloomin ages...apparently he wants to be involved but havent heard anything, oh other than a nasty email stating that he thinks im lying to tax creidts that we're still together?? wtf??, but other than that nothing for months!! So im guessing he'll turn up when baby is here and expect to play daddy!!! yeah okaaaaaay x

 

[jojo_2012]

Well Ive not heard a thing for bloomin ages...apparently he wants to be involved but havent heard anything, oh other than a nasty email stating that he thinks im lying to tax creidts that we're still together?? wtf??, but other than that nothing for months!! So im guessing he'll turn up when baby is here and expect to play daddy!!! yeah okaaaaaay x

lol why would he accuse you of that, surely it would be financially beneficial if you told tax credits u were single?

These men sometimes. My 1st son's dad has dodged paying his whole life (9 years), barely turns up, but still thinks he has equal rights. Makes me furious!!!

 

[LucyAnn]

ive had nothing. Been promised lots of baby things at 7 months preg never happend....... i had a car crash at 7 1/2 months preg he promised me a cheap 2nd hand car as mine was written off...nothing!

all he has done is spent his money getting his car back on the road etc and threatened me and been a pest i am due in just over 2 weeks. And i promise i have not had a single penny whatsover. he showed up threatening swearing about 3 weeks ago asking about access for his family for baby and wanted to choose a baby name!!! (was just 3 days after his pay day bt had no money left!) said again he would contribute but had already spent all his wages 3 days on and he next gets paid 28th sept - i am due 4th oct!!!!!

So now i have stopped updating him after every MW appointment etc as he has no legal rights he hasnt contacted me since he showed up being abusive not even an opology!. Im not gonna be a biatch when baby here but am just proud i have got everything myself. I have extra growth scans and more than likely will be induced early so much stress. just hope he either wants to be there for the baby or not i cannot handle his sparadic behaviour. any contact will be strict and on my terms though
xxx

 

[Jaxx01]

Thats what I said to him the last time he contacted about baby about 2 months ago (ive had one email contact since but he didnt even mention baby )

He thinks its grossly unfair that the baby is having my surname and that all contact will be supervised and under my terms...no way am I letting my baby go with him for the day until hes built a bond with baby by having regular visits. Plus, there is the sad fact that I dont even trust him to bring the baby back he is so fickle and just disappears and runs off at the drop of a hat so can never know what he's going to do xx

 

[DaisyPurple]

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[Jaxx01]

DP I had NO idea hun...are you ok??

Its not that hard hun honestly...its what you make it.. for me, the fact that I have bought my little man up since he was 8 months and now pregnant again and he's gone too the fact Ive bought everything for baby and bought my little man up has made me incredibly proud I deffo think it makes you appreciate more what youve got (if thats even possible)

You will get quite a lot of help but one lesson I lernt quite quickly is that it is OK to ask for help...if others want to help, let them!! Dont think you have to do it all yourself and dont feel guilty getting their help.

If you want to chat hun and ask anything PM me, ill always be here xxxx

 

[DaisyPurple]

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[Jaxx01]

Aww hun...

First thing I will say is take your time, have a good old cry and then think of the positives.

Did you have ANY idea this was coming? Or was it out the blue??

FOB left me a few times which I was kind fo expecting...but the final time he left I was NOT expecting!!! Id just had a MC and had fallen pregnant again straight away so head all over the place and he left when I was at work one day, left me a letter!!!

Chin up hun, you'll get through it and theres plpenty of us single mums out there to help you xxxx

 

[unicorndawn]

I found easier to cut the contact because i could not trust him, not even under supervision not to do something stupid in a split second that would have me regretting it for the rest of my life. Family members did not agree but then *shrugs*. we would still be together if there was not problems in the relationship and i made sure no surname no access no nowt as soon as it became apparent he was only out for himself did not want to help financially nothing and really only wanted to to inflict misery on others.

Its hard some days but i am proud of myself and my kids, and i know the standard of living we have would not be a reality if i had stayed or allowed his nonsense to rule our lives.