Problems with my mother :(

[TundraOwl]

Hey guys, sorry but I need to have a rant, I know this will probably sound a bit petty to some people but this is the culmination of years of me and my mum not getting on very well.

When I moved here nearly 2 years ago it was agreed between me and my mum that I would have both the horses as I was moving to a farm and had the facilities and I was looking after them anyway as she was working full time. Robin has always been my horse, I bought him with my own money when I was 15 and have always paid for him. Molly was joint owned as I had lent my mum £1000 to help buy her and she hadnt paid me back but I didnt mind and we agreed to call it quits as Molly would be coming to Scotland with me and Robin. Mum was happy for this to happen as she didnt think she had the time to look after Molly and that Molly wasnt ideal for her anyways. She even wrote me a gifting letter and gave me her passport etc... and said she may eventually get another horse of her own that was better suited to her.

Previous to this Mum had split from my dad and had a new boyfriend and was living most of the week in Stockport. I was working and at college before I moved and was basically running the house, buying shopping and having to cadge lifts off people to get to the horses, not to mention paying for both of them as Mum never left me any money to buy shopping or horse food. It as driving me nuts and I felt very used at the time as she was spending most of the week at her boyfriends and then expecting me to work, go to college and run the house, and she would moan if there was no food in the house and the house wasnt tidy when she came back on Fridays.

Anyways, long story short since I became pregnant she has been wingeing about the horses and how they are not getting the attention they need as I can't ride them. We had to move unexpectedly over the summer and our new place is not ideal and is basically a stop gap until next easter. Mum offered to take the horses over the winter to help us out and then return them at easter. She said she missed having a horse and it would give her chance to work out if a horse would fit in with her work life etc... but again she didnt want them as Molly was not ideal for her and Robin is mine.

After much thought we agreed as I couldnt see another alternative and it was better for the horses as the would have stables etc... over the winter, which can be quite harsh here. So the horses moved back down to Cheshire for the winter about 2 months ago.

However a few weeks ago Mum lent us £1000 to help us with an unexpected rent payment (awkward landlords but thats another story!)
This was all agreed and fine and nothing else was mentioned, we were very grateful etc....

This has now been used to throw back at me, spoke to her just before I went in to hospital and she mentioned the £1000 saying that now she didnt owe me for Molly then could I send the gifting letter back as she wanted to keep her! I told her I had to speak to my husband about this, that it was unfair to put me in that position and that I would discuss it at another time. She is now also saying that I can't have either of them back until I can prove we have better facilities etc... and is on about keeping them for a year or so.

Really don't know what to do, hubbys eldest girl Jess is devastated as Molly had kinda become her horse, Jess has had a bad past and came to live with her Dad when she was 4 as her mum was abusing her. She finds it difficult to become emotionally attached to things and to trust people and I am worried that she thinks I have let her down and that this will set her back. I also feel like my mum has walked all over me and dont know what to do.

Sorry for the long rant and well done if you got to the end. Just needed to get this off my chest, I'm not being petty am I?
x

 

[Cazza]

Oh gosh hunny what a difficult situation.............

I have a very uneasy relationship with my mother too so I do understand that bit!

Have you tried to reason with her and explain about the relationship between Molly and OH's daughter?

 

[TundraOwl]

Thats the next step, I find it very hard to talk to her on the phone as she talks over me or puts the phone down saying she talk to me when I'm being reasonable. Hubby suggested writing her a letter, also means that she can't twist what I've said to my Dad or her boyfriend, both who I get on well with. Im kinda torn tho, dont want to fall out with her before Xmas and baby arrives, but the longer I leave it the worse it will be!

 

[redbear]

Oh my gosh! She can't just keep your horse until you prove you have facilities that SHE approves... What if you wanted to sell your horse? She wouldn't have a say even if you wanted to sell it to a run down horrid place (not that you would) its your property and you can sell it to who you like. As soon as you have what you think is fit at Easter she needs to give you them back. Its yours. Have you got the passport for your horse etc because you can prove its yours and get the police involved. It sounds to me like she is very selfish even putting you through this.
As for Molly its up to you and OH if you want to let her keep the horse and keep the money fair enough but if not again give her the thousand pounds back and then ask for the horse. She can not legally just keep them, that's what they brought passports in for! Hope it gets sorted xx

 

[TundraOwl]

Also well done for reading what I have just seen is an essay!!

 

[mummy2b19]

Who's name is on the passport for the horses? You could struggle if molly is in your mums name if you changed it your mum can not legally keep the horses, if not you may struggle, other than that I don't know what to suggest if talking didn't work things out, sorry hope you get things sorted xx

 

[smokey08]

oh hunni, i feel your pain!

i don't get on with my mother either, but that's another story....

I don't think it's fair what she is doing to your or you poor darling stepdaughter.

I don't know what to advise as my mum took my dog 3 years ago and i still havn't got her back

hope things work out sweetie....sending you all my love and best wishes. xxxxxxxxx

 

[Olive]

I don't know much about horses and passports etc but just wanted to give you a hug . Agree, if both horses are in your name, surely she doesn't have a leg to stand on?

Hope you work it out.

xx

 

[Verity2011]

Oh hon I'm so sorry - that all sounds really unfair and pretty manipulative at a time when your really don't need any added stress. I think a letter is a good idea, it keeps the situation calm and as you said nothing can be misinterpreted or twisted. I really hope this gets resolved for you soon - it's a very distressing situation and you and DH's daughter are obviously so devoted to the horses, I can completely understand why you're so upset.

 

[TundraOwl]

My name is on Robins passport but neither of our names are on Mollys as her previous owner messed up when she bought the horse so the passport is with the passport society to get fixed and updated in to my name, however Mum spoke to them initially so I dont think my name will be on it when it comes back. Theyre really hard to get hold of though. I do have a gifting letter signed by her though stating that she is passing ownership over to me, and now she wants this back. Do you think that may be enough legally?

 

[mummy2b19]

I would say so, slightly diffrent but if you give someone a gift as your mum gave molly to you as a gift you can not legally ask for it back my boss had the same problem with her mother in law and there dog, her mil gave the dog to them as a gift as she couldn't cope then tried to take the dog back 6 months later. The police said that the dog was a gift and there is no chance of her mil being able to take the dog back and there had been no paper work at all between them it was just one word against the other so I would say you stand a very good chance of getting them both back, speak to citizens advice the will be able to help you more before you get the police involved obviously its better to try and sort it without getting the police involved. Xxx

 

[ForestLas80]

That's such a horrible situation and I am sorry if I sound harsh but your mum does sound very domineering/ demanding and selfish. I wouldn't worry about about things at the moment as long as the horses r safe. Wait for after baby has arrived and Easter approaches and deal with the situation then. I find it incredible she is giving u grief at this stage of your pregnancy and esp with the problems u have had. I'd just ignore her for now xxxxx big hugs

 

[Hunnie]

Id say that as the horse was gifted to you and this is written down then she has no legal rights to take her back from you and proof of ownership in my eyes has always been the passports and you have both so theyre both your horses (aslong as I suppose you changed the ownership over with them and had them sent off to the societies to make the change?)

 

[flaxen]

Hi TundraOwl,

Im not quite sure what advise to offer you as I think you need to speak to an equine solicitor, there are loads in Horse and Hound magazine ( if you want some names let me know as I get it on a weekly basis) they will have a chat with you free of charge and let you know where you stand.

Unfortunately a passport is not proof of ownership it just states the horses registered keeper, you ideally need a bill/ receipt of sale that states sold to who and from and on what date.

I hope you get this sorted. Best of luck. X

 

[mummy2b19]

I'm sure horse and hound or your horse did an article on something similar a while back maybe Google it and see what comes up ??? my mum keeps all her old horse magazines il have a flick through this afternoon see what I can find, itl give me something to do, I hate this whole long term sick leave thing lol xx

 

[jojo_2012]

It sounds like your mum's being very difficult. At a time like this she should trust you to be able to look after a couple of horses after all you're about to have a human child!

 

[TundraOwl]

thanks guys for all the nice replys, just leaving it as it is at the mo, got enough stress without falling out with my mum, will deal with it nearer the time unless it comes up in conversation before hand. Thanks again for all the support and sorry for the rant lol, looks like we should be able to get them back with out too much bother as it is only really Molly that would be the issue, and I have a signed gifting letter from her for Molly. May ring a solicitor just to clarify where I stand though, but before that we have developments on the baby front. Am about to make a new thread so will fill you in on the details there thanks again guys