Pressure on DP

[Bounty]

I'm on cycle 2 of TTC #1.
I've read that some ladies are not telling their DPs that they are ovulating so that DP doesn't feel the pressure. I can see the reasoning behind it.
Do you do this?
Don't they work it out when you suggest DTD regularly?
How does it sit with you him not knowing and not being part of that area of TTC?

 

[KatD]

I considered not telling my partner when I ovulate but I soon realized that it just doesn't work for us. My partner and I don't jump each other naturally every second day (quality over quantity for us) so I won't be able to suggest that without putting pressure on him to perform. So...I give him the basic information he needs (not the entire story about BBT, CM, Peak Days etc) so that when I do suggest that we start to spend more time in the bedroom he knows why. That, for us, helps him not to stress about everything so much.

I think it also depends on the couple and their relationship. Some men don't want to know. Some couples naturally BD more regularly etc.

 

[Bounty]

Thank you for sharing KatD.

It's good to know what other couples are doing. I think having a chat with DP and coming to a decision together is a good idea.

 

[Sunflower1]

It's better if I don't tell him. He knows vaguely but if I wave an opk at him and say today's the today I think it puts too much pressure on him.

 

[Shepherdess]

I don't say anything I my oh. I'm only in cycle one of ttc baby 2 but I'm trying to keep myself relaxed and we have sex three or four nights a week anyway. we agreed before ttc baby 1 we didn't ever want sex to become a routine or only happening for a certain reason, luckily we caught within 3 cycles so there was never any stress.

hoping for the same this time,

 

[Ismejustme]

We've been trying for a fair while now and because my hubby works away we don't always have a chance every cycle so he was home last cycle and I just do the sticks and give him an extra wink when's it's premium time and he's been fine with that.
But this month he wasn't supposed to be here for ovulation but it just so happens he will be so I've ramped it up abit with pre seed, soft cups and temping (which I was planning to start on the month he wasn't going to be here to get used to it on my own anyway, I clearly don't do things by halves!! So today he said he wanted to "talk" to me! and it turns out he is worried that I'm doing all this stuff to help conceive and he's not and will I feel resentment if we don't fall that he didn't "do" enough!
I hadn't really even thought about it that way, for me it's just about making sure I'm providing the best environment for his swimmers and the possibility of nurturing a child. When we started trying we both agreed it wasn't the be all and end all as we are very lucky to be blessed with children, but it certainly reminded me that it's easier than I thought to get lost a little in the trying part and communicating is so very important all the way along! I will add that I will opk for a month and try to hit the window and then have a month of spontaneity but even so I learnt that my fella has thought that if I'm ovulating and we still aren't getting pregnant it must be him. I obviously know that's not the case and reassured him of that.

 

[MariaIsabella]

When we tried for our first it honestly turned into a nightmare after a while. We tried for years so in the end dtd wasn't fun anymore. The first couple of months was ok/normal but since it never happened I started to panic, bought all the equipment and put so much pressure on DH that sometimes he couldn't even "finish the job".. Poor thing. He told me several times not to tell him about smiley faces etc. but I found it so hard not to since otherwise we might miss the days in case he didn't want to have sex that night. Normally he has more sex drive than me so he always knew what time of the month it was since I wanted to dtd all the time

This time around its very different. I do want another child badly but I don't feel the same pressure each months. Even though I tell DH I am ovulating I don't put any pressure on him which relaxes him and we have had no problems dtd at all.

xx

 

[MoominGirl]

I try and give OH the basic details but not too much. He's not stupid but at the same time I wouldn't wave an opk at him like Sunflower says!! This works for us as he knows that I'll ensure that the most important days are covered without making a big thing about it. It was important that we did have a proper chat about the basics in the beginning though because like lots of men he didn't actually know that the fertile window even existed!!

 

[MariaIsabella]

I try and give OH the basic details but not too much. He's not stupid but at the same time I wouldn't wave an opk at him like Sunflower says!! This works for us as he knows that I'll ensure that the most important days are covered without making a big thing about it. It was important that we did have a proper chat about the basics in the beginning though because like lots of men he didn't actually know that the fertile window even existed!!

I know! Men... When we struggled OH told me to not even track ovulation and just go with the flow. I guess its more relaxing but the chances of missing ovulation is huge! I mean we do dtd regularly but sometimes when we both are tired, working hard etc. it can easily go a week without which would mean no chance at all!

Funny enough, the month I got pregnant naturally this year ( mc when I was 6-7 weeks ) we weren't even trying and I did not even know I was ovulating! So annoying since he always bring that time up now!

 

[MoominGirl]

I try and give OH the basic details but not too much. He's not stupid but at the same time I wouldn't wave an opk at him like Sunflower says!! This works for us as he knows that I'll ensure that the most important days are covered without making a big thing about it. It was important that we did have a proper chat about the basics in the beginning though because like lots of men he didn't actually know that the fertile window even existed!!

I know! Men... When we struggled OH told me to not even track ovulation and just go with the flow. I guess its more relaxing but the chances of missing ovulation is huge! I mean we do dtd regularly but sometimes when we both are tired, working hard etc. it can easily go a week without which would mean no chance at all!

Funny enough, the month I got pregnant naturally this year ( mc when I was 6-7 weeks ) we weren't even trying and I did not even know I was ovulating! So annoying since he always bring that time up now!

I think men are just blissfully unaware of how many factors are involved and once you consider how daily life can get in the way, it's really easy to miss ovulation. We are very lucky that we both have similar working hours and we still haven'y done it! Must be so much harder for shift workers etc.