prepare me for going back to work please

[trixipaws]

i'm off work again today- i dont work wednesdays, thursdays or fridays anyway so on saturday (my next scheduled working day) i think i'll go back.

what are the possible things people might say to me that i can prepare for? they all knew i was pg and they know im off coz i mc. do people generally just not say anything about it? just wanna be prepared- i dont want anything to set me off crying! i cant think of anything anyone could say that would upset me- but that's why i'm asking! its the things i wouldnt have thought of that are likely to knock me for six and set my emotions off!

please share returning to work experiences, is there anything that got to you?

 

[Baileysmummy]

Returning to work for me was horrible, but then our situation is some what a little different, With yourself hun I would talk to those you feel confident talking to about it, Just explain the pregnancy wasnt meant to be and your bearing up as well as you can, If you prefer to not talk about it, explain that, You will find most people will respect you for being honest

When I went bck to work I was very quite and withdrawn and found myself wondering around daydreaming about Bailey, In the end I couldnt face it, had lots of time off, hence why now I have no job at all..
Thinking of you hun x

 

[Becky]

There were only 2/3 people at work who knew I was PG and knew that I'd had a m/c and I found that they all took their lead from me - if I mentioned it they'd talk but other than that they just said things like "how are you doing today". Most people are quite sensitive about things like this and probably worry more about upsetting you than you realise.

 

[trixipaws]

awwwwwwwwww fiona, bless you sweetheart our situations are VERY VERY different

i have a friend at work who lost her 5-month-old little girl in 2007 when millie was about 2 or 3 months old, we were on maternity leave together- but mine was 9 months and hers was only 6 months as she was due before april 1st when the law changed, so i knew she would have to go back JUST after her baby had died

i was DREADING going back to work and seeing her because i we'd been pregnant together, we'd both had little girls, and i knew people would make a fuss when i returned to work i felt terrible for her and didnt wanna face her! in the meantime, i found out she'd become pregnant again, so i never saw her anyway as she was back on maternity leave. she has JUST returned to work this month, and we have both been put on the same team! she seems remarkable perky, altho she does have another little girl so its easy for me to avoid talking about the lost one coz i can talk about her second one instead etc.

before that, when i was pregnant with millie and still working, we were in the canteen on break and some girl i didnt know came to chat to one of my colleagues. my colleague asked, "how's baby?" (i used to get asked this when i was preg too) and the girl looked down and said "i lost it" and my colleague said "oh, no! i'm so sorry." and the girl sighed "its ok. it wasnt meant to be" i could tell she was just putting on a brave face. then the girl changed the subject and asked how my colleague's wedding plans were going. but my colleague- tactless woman (amongst other faults- i didnt like her!) just kept going on and on about the poor girl's m/c saying "oh, i cant talk about my wedding now. i feel so bad. how can i talk about things now after you've just told me that..." etc etc and we were all thinking "OMG shut up, shut up now!" it was VERY uncomfortable the poor girl just wanted to not dwell on her loss obviously didnt wanna talk about it and this stupid woman wouldnt shut up about it!!!

its the latter story or similar that i'm hoping i dont get! altho said tactless woman has left the department now so at least i wont see her- phew!

thanx ladies x

 

[jsykes1975]

Hi,

I had all sorts from "sure you're still young enough" and "sure look at the 2 you already have" to people ignoring you altogether for fear of you bursting into tears.

I'm sure you have an idea of the people you would like to discuss it with. And there's always those you can spot who ask after your welfare for nosey purposes only. For the l;atter, I would have a couple of rehearsed lines ready of the "wasn't meant to be" variety for a swift getaway!

Sorry I'm not a bit more positive.

Good luck with your return. For me, I was glad I returned fairly quickly though found the first few days difficult.

Persevere though, it does get easier,

Best wishes,

Julie xxxxxxxxxxx

Emma Mary 18 wk miscarriage 02.05.08 Always Missed

 

[babyblonde]

People have been really good with me since I've been back - well the ones that knew anyway.

I went back to work with the attitude that if people didn't know (and it was my choice not to tell everyone) then I couldn't expect them to be sensitive towards me so if anyone has said anything upsetting I have just reminded myself that they didn't know and given myself a few minutes to come round again.

The problem is, you never know what is going to remind you or set you off (for me, I managed to sit through a whole conversation about baby names but got upset when someone told me how thin I was!) but if people at work know about it most will be sensitive towards you.

My colleagues just asked if I was ok when I came back and listened if I wanted to talk about it - but didn't bring it up.

Hope you manage ok